I am a high school senior and this is my first draft for a college application essay. Could someone please read it and tell me how I am doing?
1.) Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, please share your story.
It has been said that effort, determination and attitude are key to success. Since my 7th grade year, I have been in cheerleading. Beginning freshman year, cheerleading tryouts were something I would have to endure throughout all of high school. Before my freshman tryout, I worked on learning eighty five cheers in approximately three weeks. I watched videos, went over the motions and practiced jumping on the trampoline for around three hours a day. Being the perfectionist I am, I wanted to look great in front of the judges and get onto the competition and varsity squad with all the juniors and seniors.
My hard work payed off, and I made the varsity and competition squad my freshman each subsequent year. I was a “base” (The girl on the bottom of the stunt group that holds other girls in the air.) and, each practice, I gave my best effort and used my strength to make sure the girls in the air were safe. Although one day, something went wrong. The girl I was holding in the air fell down on top of my head, and blood came gushing from my nose. One of the teachers at the school was on the ambulance crew and called 911. I was put in a quiet room with tissues shoved up my nose while I took a concussion test. Everything came out okay, and I refused ambulance transportation to the hospital.
I was back at practice only for a few days before someone fell on me again. I stood up, but everything was black, and I was very dizzy. I continued to practice that day and didn’t tell my coaches how I was feeling until later. The head coach told me not to say anything because I was vital to the competition that was coming up in around three weeks. My headaches continued, and it became hard to focus on the computer. I decided my health was important, and I needed to see a doctor. I had a minor concussion and because the back of my head, where our vision sensors are located, was hit; there was a chance I could have gone blind if I was hit again. I was sad to be taken out of cheerleading, but glad I didn’t listen to my coach because a competition isn’t worth going blind for.
I went back in after I was cleared for my concussion, but that same day I was hit again. I walked out into the hallway and could hardly breathe. I was pulled from the competition, but still traveled with the team. It was sad to see them perform without me, but I knew my health was more important.
Senior year, I started cheerleading with a new coach and everything was going well. No one had been hit in the head or hurt. At the homecoming game, I threw a girl into the air and something went wrong with my wrist. The pain in my wrist got worse as the week went on, and I received a brace to wear. The pain didn’t go away before the competition, but I wasn’t going to let my team down. I told myself every day to forget about the pain and work hard to make the competition performance great. I didn’t want to spend another year standing on the sidelines of I could be perform with the team. My wrist hurt terribly, but I performed to the best of my ability. The competition went great, and I didn’t feel the pain until after our two minute routine was over.
Cheerleading has shown me that my determination, attitude and effort help me accomplish greatness in life. My effort in cheerleading not only reflects my effort in other activities but also in the classroom. Anything I do will be done to the best of my ability.