<p>Hi! I would really appreciate any help/insights from parents. . .right now I feel like I have no one to talk to. :[</p>
<p>I am a freshman at an Ivy League university. Like many kids, the Ivy League has been my dream--in fact, as the daughter of immigrant parents who work 11-hour days in order to provide my brother and me with a better future, the Ivy League is really the American Dream. However, since I've arrived, I've been feeling very lackluster, both academically and socially. My college was definitely my reach school--I thought there was no way I'd be accepted--and I am by nature an introvert. What I am saying is, I doubt that I will 1) graduate with high honors and the whole shebang and 2) make lots and lots of the connections/networking that seems to come with Ivy Leagues.</p>
<p>I know that this may just be freshman doldrums, and that things will pick up after a while, but. . .if worse comes to worse, say I graduate with an okay GPA (3.0-3.5) and not much in the way of connections. . .would the prestige of the diploma still help me find a decent (not extraordinary; just reasonably nice) job? Would the same go for grad school? It is something that worries me a lot. . .I know I am very fortunate and I don't take this for granted, but at the same time I am really trying my best, and am afraid that this is the best I can do. Is there reason to worry a bit about my future?</p>
<p>I'm not a parent, unfortunately, but I'd still like to offer what advice I have.
I think you need to take a break and just enjoy your college experience. Obviously study hard when you have to but don't be afraid to roam NYC and absorb the culture. Join clubs that go out into the city to have meals together, or any clubs in general. There are many people at Columbia, i'm sure you just haven't found your clique or your best friend yet. Still, keep in touch with old friends and don't be afraid to explore! This is still a once in a lifetime opportunity! Good luck!</p>
<p>Almost everyone who goes to an Ivy was in the top 10% of their class. Obviously, they can't all be in the top 10% of the class now. One of the first things you need to do as an Ivy freshman is to realize that it is entirely possible, even probable, that you won't be one of the top students on your class.</p>
<p>And you have to come to terms with that. You just try your best and be satisfied with the results. After all, you can't do better than your best.</p>
<p>Many high achieving students have too much of their self image wrapped up in "academic superstar," and they have a loss of identity and confidence when they find that they are just one of the crowd. You have to realize that you are much more than a GPA. Explore and be confident in what it is that makes you you. It's always a mistake to look to outside validation for your feelings of self-worth.</p>
<p>I can speak from experience. Years ago, after being an academic superstar on the high school and college level, I attended a top 3 law school. Talk about a rude awakening! I had a very mediocre first semester and was devastated and depressed. But I came to the realization that I couldn't do better than what I was doing. I came to the decision that I would satisfied if I could just graduate. I ended up enjoying the rest of my time at law school. And although I did a little better when I quit putting the pressure to succeed on myself, I was just one of the members of the class. No honors. Found a reasonably nice job. But the lesson I learned about how to determine self-worth? Priceless.</p>
<p>I was an introverted small town girl when I went to Harvard. Most people I met were more sophisticated than me. Many got much higher grades. I felt the way that you did as a freshman and even later during my time there. </p>
<p>Still, I got into good graduate schools as did virtually everyone I knew, including people whose grades must have been in the bottom of Harvard's class. Frankly, the bottom of the class at an Ivy is equivalent to the top of the class at many other colleges. I speak from experience after teaching at a couple of 2nd/3rd tier colleges.</p>
<p>The things that I learned at Harvard -- particularly the social things that I learned by rubbing shoulders with so many smart, sophisticated, intense, people -- have paid off for the rest of my life. I learned things about possibilities and options that I never would have known about if I had gone to a less competitive college. I literally developed a more expansive way of looking at the world, and developed more creativity about creating opportunities for myself.</p>
<p>These insights were particularly useful when I lived in big cities where there were lots of other people who had gone to top colleges. I fit right in with such people and wasn't intimidated by them.</p>
<p>Anyway, there's no reason to worry about your future. As for contacts: many of the people who are your friends now --- even the introverted ones-- will do extremely well in their fields and will be able to help you just as you'll be in a position to help them. </p>
<p>Other than taking the time to get to know profs by using their office hours (You'll need profs' reccs to apply to graduate or professional school), you don't need to do anything special now to make contacts. </p>
<p>It's also a good idea to get involved in ECs that interest you. Great way to make more friends. The ECs at Ivies are very high level due to the student body's being filled with self-directed people who get passionately involved in their interests. You can learn more by participating in ECs at Ivies than you can in many community and professional organizations even in large cities. That knowledge will put you ahead of the game when you graduate.</p>
<p>You really should stop stressing and try to enjoy the experience. Later in life when you are at a job interview, they are not going to ask you your grade point average. They just want to know if you have a degree and some will care which school you graduated from and some won't.</p>
<p>Give it a chance, but in a year, if you still feel the same it is not a big deal to transfer to a different college. It won't be the end of the world, you have the rest of your life to live and one day at a time, so enjoy it.</p>
<p>Others have already advised well about your concerns.</p>
<p>I have this to add. Your current idea of "lots and lots of connections and networking" is making you worry in ways that you don't need to. </p>
<p>First, most of us do not make connections of the type you are envisioning in a matter of a few short weeks. So it is really premature to evaluate the breadth and depth of friendships and connections that you will make while at your school.</p>
<p>Second, the connections and networking extend far beyond people you actually physically connect with while at your institution. I personally attended 3 elite institutions (1 undergrad, 2 grad school). I have used connections many many years out of school with people whom I did not know and who did not attend during times even remotely connected to my years of attendance.</p>
<p>For example, I recently wanted to help a young person in his job search. I knew that alums of my B-school would be well-connected at the company of interest to him. I used my online Alumni Directory to id those in the right functions at the right company. I sent emails to 9 different individuals with a short subject line "Question from a fellow xxx alum" and a simple query as to whether they might be able to provide a contact name of a hiring manager in the right field.</p>
<p>I thought I might hear back from one or two of them over a several week period. I had 8 responses within 24 hours. Several went far beyond giving contact names, offering to provide an informational interview over the phone with the young person, calling me to get more in-depth information, putting the young person directly in contact with a good contact.</p>
<p>These were people I absolutely did not know. This type of connection and networking is something that I am always willing to do when contacted by current students or alums of my schools and, as you can see, I am not alone in that.</p>
<p>When my brother moved to HKG 15+ years ago, he didn't know anyone, he opened his Dartmouth alumni directory and called someone he thought was close to his age to see if he wanted to get together for a drink. They are best friends today. Recently, I also had a student from my alma mater contact me for some information on my profession. I took her out to lunch and had a very nice chat with her. This is not limited to just Ivies, but most alums of Ivies are very loyal to their schools.</p>
<p>The best way to make connections when you are in school is to join clubs and go to some parties. The worst thing you could do is to spend all of your time studying. College is more than just academic. I was also a first generation immigrant with very strict parents. I really came into my own when I was in college. I went to a very small, preppy(never heard of the world until I went to school) LAC, I felt like a fish out of water. We used to have semi formal cocktail parties every Wed afternoon - guys in jacket and ties and girls in skirts. I was very uncomfortable in the beginnng, but soon learned to do idle chit chats at those parties, that skill came in very handy later on in my life.</p>
<p>Make your way. Find your spot. Make friends. Don't worry about "connections."</p>
<p>Connections naturally follow the others. You will see schmoozers who are actively seeking "connections." Ignore them. Just make a life where you are. Learn. Enjoy.</p>
<p>Do two things outside of your classes. Clubs, publications, musical ensembles, dorm council, community service stuff: anything that sounds appealing to you... Take your time and pick two. You will be glad you did.</p>
<p>What you are feeling is entirely normal and - though you don't know it yet! - is an experience shared by many, many of your peers. They all just hide it well. Take a breath. Look around you. Take a small risk in terms of reaching out to people every day and you will soon find your feet and a circle of friends. Participating in a structured EC like a club will make it easier to meet people though it is always hard going to the first meeting! There is plenty of time in your life to worry about "connections" and "jobs". You made it to a great school in the greatest city in the world. Enjoy yourself in the moment. The future will take care of itself.</p>