Advice/Reassurance?

<p>Hi everyone, </p>

<p>I'd like to start by apologizing. I wasn't sure where I should post this thread, but I figured that the Parents Forum would be a great place to search for wise words and kind responses. </p>

<pre><code>Well, here comes to the heart of my post: I am worried about adjusting to the academic differences between high school and college.
</code></pre>

<p>I'll be attending an Ivy League school in the fall, and I'm just afraid that for the first time in my life, I'm just going to be average..... or even worse, less than average. Sure, it's going to be wonderful to have such a talented group of people to call my peers, but at the same time, it's also going to be difficult. </p>

<p>To organize my rant:
1. What do I need to know to do well while adapting to a college environment?
2. Is it hard to handle not being the "golden child" anymore?</p>

<p>I don’t know for sure - I went to Big State U. I’m telling my son who will be going to an ivy peer several things: [ul][<em>]No matter how smart your peers are, you are just as smart as you always were[</em>]we love you for you, no matter what[<em>]Q: Do you know what they call the person who graduated at the bottom of his Harvard class? A: A Harvard grad[</em>]more specifically: make use of the tutoring center[<em>]plan in advance because you can no longer do it the night before and be good enough[</em>]be willing to ask for help[*]we love you for you, no matter what[/ul]</p>

<p>I read 2 (at least) great things in your post.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>You recognize that there will be academic differences between high school and college.</p></li>
<li><p>You used the word, “adjusting.”</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Both of these facts, plus the fact that you’re thinking about all this in advance are excellent signs of a realistic view and maturity.</p>

<p>Remember that you are a wonderful, accomplished person already, and that you don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.</p>

<p>Remember to be kind to yourself. Try to develop and use an inner-voice on yourself that is just as kind, empathetic, and understanding as the one you would use with a beloved friend. Good luck! You will do fine.</p>

<p>Hi, CrazedAmbition: Somewhere out there, there is an average Nobel Laureate. There are even below-average Nobel Laureates (well above me, I hasten to add)! I don’t think any of them really mind. At some time, you will eventually reach such a rarefied level that you will be average–maybe not this coming year, but eventually. It’s ok. Do your best, and don’t worry about it. </p>

<p>As far as practical advice goes, I suggest that you attend all of the lectures, and be attentive to the sub-texts, as well as the surface material. Don’t be afraid to see the TF’s during office hours. Same goes for the professors.</p>

<p>Good for you, OP. And yes, I think that this is a good place to have posted your question.</p>

<p>You were the big fish in a little pond, Now the pond is larger, right?</p>

<p>Well, you were admitted because those with a lot of experience think that you can do the work and succeed.</p>

<p>Whether you succeed, thrive, fail, or excel will be determined by the choices you make. Plan to, at least, thrive. This can mean many things, but it does not include academic failure. </p>

<p>I don’t know what your high school experience was. Were you attending an exceptionally competitive high school, an average school, or something else? Did you have to study much in high school? You may need to develop new study skills. (PM if you are interested in my advice.)</p>

<p>There WILL be some stone cold geniuses among your classmates. Just know that. If you are not one of them, you will have to work!</p>

<p>The fact that you are concerned about this bodes well for you. Freshman year will require many adjustments. By second semester sophomore year, you will have figured out what is required of you and any discrepancy in high school preparation will no longer matter. </p>

<p>Please stay in touch.</p>

<p>Remember that you wouldn’t have been admitted unless the admissions office were confident you’d succeed. I did cheat and check out which college you’ll attend, so here’s my advice. </p>

<p>Your first semester, sign up for 4 courses–unless you are a science major, in which case, make it 4.5. Wait until second semester to take 5. I think you’ve got the option to try out various classes before you make your final selection, so take advantage of that.</p>

<p>Take one course just because you’re truly interested in it–don’t limit yourself to courses trying to meet all the distribution requirements first semester. If it’s an upper level course, go see the prof before the classes start and ask if (s)he thinks a freshman with your background can handle it. If not, switch. But take at least ONE course just because it sounds awesome and/or you’ve heard good things about it. I’m pretty sure that the college you’re going to attend has an in-house system for ratiing profs and the difficulty of courses, so read the reviews. People who ONLY take courses to meet distribution requirements first semester usually end up liking the academic part of college less. </p>

<p>It also helps if you have at least one course with a small number of people in it. For many frosh, this is foreign languge. But don’t take 4 large lecture courses if possible. It’s harder to feel like you’re totally anonymous if you have at least one small class–even if it’s a class you aren’t terribly fond of. </p>

<p>Keep up with the reading and regular assignments. There are so many oh so cool things to do, that it’s really tempting to spend all your time on ECs and social events until midterms hit. That’s the way to bury yourself. Do the reading even if there’s six weeks to go before the midterm. Many people won’t. </p>

<p>That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t join ECs; you definitely should. Don’t put off joining them until you’ve got the work load under control. Just make sure you don’t do ONLY ECs and neglect your course work. </p>

<p>If any of your profs post the outline of each class on-line, read it, preferably before you go to class. This will give you an idea of what’s important and where he’s going. If not, at least pay attention at the first class, when the profs will set forth their expectations–how many papers, exams, quizzes, etc. If there is a syllabus, read it. </p>

<p>Go to section. Repeat go to section. Raise your hand and talk during section. Most courses COUNT class participation towards your grade. Don’t annoy your classmates by mouthing off when you really don’t know much, but participate. It will help your grade in most courses. NOT talking will LOWER your grade in some classes. </p>

<p>If possible, get to know your section leader. If you don’t understand a concept introduced in class, ask about it in section. If your section leader is incomprehensible, sit in on another section–but do NOT skip your own. In most of the larger intro courses, your section leader will give you your grade. If he hasn’t got the vaguest idea who you are, you may get a worse grade than if you are the guy who comes to every section and TALKS and ASKS QUESTIONS.</p>

<p>Write your first paper far enough in advance of the deadline that you have time to take it to one of the writing tutors for review and REVISE it before it’s due. That’s what they are there for. It’s better to have one of the tutors tear apart your first paper and make you revise it 3 times than it is to get a bad grade on that paper. Nobody but you will know you saw the writing tutor–that’s the way the system works. You might also ask your section leader if he will review your draft and see if you’re headed in the right direction. MANY section leaders are willing to do this. Do not wait until the night before it is due because then they will probably say no. But MANY section leaders are more than willing to take a look at a draft a week or two before it’s due. They aren’t going to write it for you–but they will give you an idea of whether you are on the wrong track. Section leaders would rather deal with the freshman who comes to them the week before the assignment is due and says “I’m not sure I understand the assignment. Could you look over my draft and see if I’ve got the right idea?” than deal with the dozen students who crowd his door after they get back their first papers with a bad grade. If your section leader makes specific comments about how to improve your paper, do what (s)he suggests. Remember, they will probably be grading you. </p>

<p>If review sections are offered before exams, go to them. </p>

<p>Find a good quiet place other than your room to study. Don’t tell anyone where it is. There will be times that your friends will want you to play in an IM game,play poker, go to a party or whatever and you really shouldn’t. If they can’t find you, it makes life a LOT easier. </p>

<p>If you’re taking a really hard course one semester, try to balance it with an easier one and/or limit yourself to 4–and even, if really necessary, 3 courses that semester. I think you need permission to drop down to 3, but if you are taking organ chem or some other hard course, it may be worth it. Just don’t make a habit of it. </p>

<p>Avoid telling other folks your grades–whether they are good or bad. And remember that more people who get good grades are willing to share them than people who get bad grades, so any informal survey you take is likely to be skewed. </p>

<p>Get to know your dean. Do not abuse him or her. There are people who hear about dean’s excuses and really abuse them. Most deans will reach the point where they won’t cave. When you really NEED a dean’s excuse, you are more likely to get it than if you have already asked for one–maybe even several times. </p>

<p>If you feel yourself drowning academically, go see your dean. That’s what he’s there for. If you get bad grades, you’re going to get to know him whether you want to or not, so if you are struggling, go see him before you’re called in. </p>

<p>Don’t drink too much. It’s probably the #1 reason students get bad grades. </p>

<p>You are going to a college that has more built in safety nets for students than almost any university in the nation. Remember that. More than 90% of students graduate in 4 years. Most of those who don’t voluntarily took time off and/or dropped out to pursue a career–this is mostly true of the theatre types. </p>

<p>Don’t assume you won’t be “golden.” Go in and do your best. Don’t be intimidated. In every class, you’ll probably have some classmates who are really focusing on other things while in college. This is not necessaily a bad thing. You’ll have some theatre types who are more concerned about the roles they get in plays and a few athletes who are training for the Olympics and /or the pros (few of the latter, but some) and amazing artists who want a college degree, but will spend most of their time developing a portfolio and wannabe journalists who will work 18/5 for the Yale Daily News instead of studying. </p>

<p>You’ll be shocked by who ends up doing well. Oh, there are some brilliant people who are so outstanding, particularly in science, that you know they’ll be <em>stars</em> But, in all sincerity, most of how well people do at a top college is how much effort they put into it and how willing they are to get help when they need it. </p>

<p>And if you are average, who cares? Average at a top school is still pretty special. Keep your perspective. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>You’ve already received a lot of good advice. I would add just this, join/form good study groups. My daughter disliked group work in HS because she was the big fish in the small pond and her groupmates would expect her to carry most of the load. However, at her ivy she found that her classmates were truly peers and thus working/studying in groups has proven to be very beneficial. Whenever there was something that she struggled with there would be someone in the group that could help. And she found that there is no better proof that she understands something fully than when she can teach it to her groupmates.</p>

<p>Two of my boys were shocked that some of the kids at their college who had such big talk and seemed so well prepared and brilliant could not pan it out when they worked on group projects with them. So don’t believe everything you hear and don’t let posturing throw you.</p>

<p>This may not be relevant to you, but I think it is reasonable to get some B’s or even C’s the first semester at a demanding college. Lots of freshman have this experience, and then do really well once they have “adjusted.” Relax, if you can, and give yourself time.</p>

<p>Try to enjoy the classes, and not think about grades. This sounds simple, maybe even silly, but is a profound challenge for many students who have been focused on “getting in” for so long.</p>

<p>Start slow with EC’s and figure out what you can handle, but getting involved in something other than coursework is very helpful.</p>

<p>The hardest thing at some of the top schools is peers’ ultra-competitive habits. Most students at Ivies have been living with a hyper-consciousness of grades and resumes, and have a hard time dropping that mentality. In fact, many are now on to the next stage of competitiveness, with medical/law/business school in mind.</p>

<p>You can be different. </p>

<p>You got such great advice above. You will probably do fine, but whether you get the top grade in a class or the bottom, try not to let it define your self-worth.</p>

<p>It might be a good idea to also post your concerns on the College Life board. I’m sure that other current students have shared your concerns and can give you good advice.</p>

<p>You sound like a mature young person who has received some great advise. I won’t try to add to that.</p>

<p>I will touch on one small thing. You mention no longer being the ‘golden child’. You may find, in an odd way that this actually takes pressure off and turns out to be a good thing. When you are a great student, however not necessarily expected to be #1 or #2 in your class ALL the time, you can forgive yourself the times when you are human, take a few classes for the joy of it (as was wonderfully suggested), without the fear of keeping up the image that everyone else has placed upon you. Focus on your education for the learning, and what matters to you. If you do this, the grades will come.</p>

<p>Take advantage of this time to simply be you…the exceptional you. Not the you everyone else expects.</p>

<p>I agree you are a step ahead of the game because you already realize you won’t be the #1 kid immediately. This insight takes some students several semesters!</p>

<p>My advice.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Be sure your parents have realistic expectations and do not expect a 4.0 first semester.</p></li>
<li><p>Go to ever study session. Get in the habit of visting the resource centers at least weekly. Even is you are on top of all the work, discussing it with others with help to reassure you, pinpoint any weakness and keep you on a time management schedule.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>IMO too many wait until a poor grade comes out before utilizing the help centers. The resources are there for ALL students, use it.</p>

<p>I’m in the exact same situation as the OP, and I just wanted to thank everyone for giving such wonderful advice.
I don’t think many parents know about the resources offered, and I would have never learned about them if they weren’t mentioned here. Thank you!</p>

<p>Thanks for the kind words, Beedle! (The parent forum gets a fair number of nasty cracks from students.) A check of your posting history suggests you are headed for Wharton. Here’s a link to the writing center there:</p>

<p>[Critical</a> Writing @ The University of Pennsylvania](<a href=“http://writing.upenn.edu/critical/help/]Critical”>http://writing.upenn.edu/critical/help/)</p>

<p>And if you are taking a math course–I suspect most first years in Wharton do–you might want to know about this:</p>

<p>[Calculus</a> Help](<a href=“http://www.math.upenn.edu/ugrad/calc/help/]Calculus”>Calculus Help)</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>And that leads me to suggest one more thing. Before you start college, spend a little time looking around the website of the school to find out what resources there are and what the policies are.</p>

<p>OP says:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I graduated (with honors) from William&Mary 30 years ago, having been admitted with a verbal SAT down near the 25% for W&M. [Verbal SAT most closely corresponds with todays CR.] I still remember freshman orientation very, very clearly. And I want to tell you some of the things that President Graves told the W&M Class of 1980 on a sultry, hot afternoon in August 1976 after we all reported to the (air-conditioned!) W&M Hall. I want to tell you these things because I think they as applicable (maybe even more so) to the current incoming Ivy freshmen as they were to those W&M freshman thirty years ago. President Graves told us something along these lines:</p>

<p>Welcome! We first of all want you all to know just how happy we are that you chose to come to W&M. You are, as a class, an exceptionally well qualified class with some incredible achievements.</p>

<p>But we also want you know this as well: All of you graduated near the top of your high school class; most of you were in the top 10% of your graduation class. All of you have exceptionally high test scores. Many of you have earned straight A’s in high school. Almost none of you has ever earned a C in a class before. All of you are well above the typical high school graduate. And all of you are * average * William and Mary students right now.</p>

<p>Look at the person to your right. And look at the person to your left. One of the three of you is likely to graduate in the top 1/3 of the Class of '80. One of the three of you is likely to graduate in the middle 1/3 of the Class of '80. And one of you is likely to graduate in the bottom 1/3 of the Class of '80. And neither we the faculty and administration nor you the students can predict who of the three of you will eventually rise to the top and who will not. But that’s not what’s important. What is important is that all three of you will graduate—and you will graduate in four years with a degree you can be proud of earning regardless of whether you graduate with honors or graduate in the bottom tenth of the class.</p>

<p>Of you and your two neighbors, it’s likely that two of you will earn the lowest grades you’ve ever earned during your first and second semesters here at W&M. But that’s ok—remember, you are the * typical * student at this college and your grades are likely to be average grades for W&M. And average grades here include lots of B’s and C’s. So don’t beat yourself up when you earn that first B or C on a midterm or paper or course: Those are not “bad” grades—they are average grades for average W&M students.</p>

<p>It’s also very likely that neither you nor your two neighbors really know what studying is: For most of you sailed through high school with little or no effort. You were the students for whom most of the high school content simply made sense with little or no effort. And this too will cause you great frustration during your freshman year. You will need to consciously work on developing good study habits, and while you are working on that, your grades are likely to be lower, perhaps much lower, than what you regarded as “acceptable” in high school. But in time you will learn how to best study in order to do your best in each class that’s important to you. You may also learn how to study “just enough” to earn a grade that’s acceptable to you, but doesn’t actually reflect what you * could * do if you * wanted * to put all your effort into doing your best in that course. And that’s ok—because sometimes doing “good enough” but not “excellent or best” in Course A is what you can afford to do in order to really do your best in Course B when Course B is more important to you — for whatever reason that’s important to you.</p>

<p>So in conclusion: We wish you luck as you begin an incredible adventure. We want you to take risks. We want you to explore. We want you to take a course in a subject you’ve never been interested in. We want you take courses in subjects you already know you’re interested in. We want you to study hard. But we don’t want you to define yourself by the grades you earn. We want you to define yourself by how you change between now and the time you graduate.</p>

<p>Wow! Thanks for all of this amazing input. I’m so glad that everyone was willing to share this advice. It’s definitely given me some perspective as I prepare to enter Yale’s Class of 2014.
The CollegeConfidential community is a place that I’ve become very familiar with over the past 4 years, and I have never been let down. I hope the information in this thread will help other students just as much as it’s helped me come to terms with the journey I must face in less than a month.</p>

<p>Robinsue, great post! Thanks for sharing the paraphrased version of this speech that clearly made such an impression on you that you still remember it in great detail several decades letter. I plan to share it with my D; there’s a lot of wisdom, kindness, and good guidance there.</p>

<p>momofsongbird,</p>

<p>You’re most welcome. And I hope your D likes it as much as you did.</p>

<p>You are right, the orientation speech did leave a deep impression on me. Far more than the speech at graduation four years later, which was by Art Buckwald—light hearted, full of humor, but not memorable.</p>