My D, for the first time in her life, is having a lot of trouble sleeping. She is a sophomore, living in an off-campus apartment with a group of good friends. She has her own bedroom. She calls me every night—1:30 am, 3:00 am, 3:30 am—two or three times, crying that as exhausted as she is, she just can’t fall asleep. She did not have this problem last year or at any time in high school. it’s gotten to the point that she worries so much about not sleeping that she gets anxiety when she gets in bed.
Clearly, this is affecting her greatly. She does have an appointment to see a campus counselor. I also suggested yoga. She works out in a gym regularly and has always had great sleep habits (gets to sleep at a reasonable hour, sticks to a schedule, etc.). Any other suggestions?
Eliminating visual exposure to all electronics for 2-3 hours before bedtime, including tv, computer, phone, etc. A sleep doctor told me this is the most important thing you can do.
Melatonin or a turkey dinner ;) There is also a tea by Traditional Medicinals called "Nighty Night." It works for me. This is expensive, you should be able to find it easily for under $5 at places like Whole Foods or any grocery store that carries a large herbal tea variety. https://www.amazon.com/Traditional-Medicinals-Organic-Certified-Wrapped/dp/B000YTCSLQ Probably don't mix these 3 different solutions though, but change them up day by day.
She can listen to a soothing meditation tape as she tries to fall asleep. I like https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditations/ and they are free. Google "body scan meditation" as well.
Good luck. This is such a yucky thing to go through!
How late is she getting up (how is this affecting body rhythms?)
And this came up re: our elderly parents: the amount of sun exposure during the day has impact on sleep: the less sun, the more it throws one off.
How’s her stress level related to academics?
Oh, and any meds? In hs, one affected D2’s patterns. It was one that initially did not, was known to take some time to cause the problem. We got it changed.
Benadryl (or the generic) can be very helpful. It is sold as both a sleep aid and an antihistamine. Its cheaper when sold as a sleep aid.
There is also a behavioral intervention- if she is wide awake after 20 min she should get up and do something quiet (read a magazine, etc) until she feels a little sleepy and return to bed. Rinse and repeat as necessary.The body needs to be trained that bed=sleep and it can unlearn this too easily.
She’s tried all of these things. Including melatonin, Benadryl, and relaxation tapes. Didn’t help. I think when anxiety is overwhelming, these home-made solutions are worthless.
The college counseling office can help her with relaxation/stress management techniques,interrupting ruminative thinking, etc. Best to first try these before going the ambien or benzo route. Some docs will RX atarax as its less problematic than ambien, but better to first continue to try self management techniques.
I’m usually the last person to suggest meds, but have you considered a very small dose of zolpidem (ambien)? I have terrible insomnia, and don’t take them all the time, but every so often I will take half a tablet.
Talk to your doctor about that first, obviously (can’t get without an RX anyway). I also might have her hormones checked. Maybe her cortisol levels are off. Does she sleep best between 5 - 8 am?
I don’t have any additional suggestions about the insomnia, but I do have to comment about multiple calls in the middle of the night. Is this normal behavior for her? Do you consider it acceptable? It seems that she may have other issues besides the insomnia. Waking up a parent because you can’t sleep seems like the type of thing a young child would do. I do think the counseling is definitely needed.
Is she going to school in a different part of the country with less sunlight than back home, by any chance? Or is she inside studying for more hours each day than last year? I normally sleep like a rock and have no trouble falling asleep…except this time of year when it first gets gray and the sun sets earlier. Maybe try more time outside or a therapeutic sun lamp.
@redpoodles Actually, she does study in the library, not in her room or on her bed. Her “sleep hygiene” is pretty good.
I didn’t mean to be rude, so I apologize. I am just venting the frustration that I know D feels. And from my own experience with insomnia in the past, my experience has been that the self-management techniques were not powerful enough to overcome the underlying issues. I know the next question is, “Well, why did you come here asking for advice?” I am thinking this through as I a typing. I guess what I need most is suggestions on how to help her and support her.
@brantly, this is the first time you’ve brought up anxiety rather than just insomnia.
People with insomnia aren’t necessarily anxious (except about the fact that they can’t sleep well). But it sounds as though your daughter may be having broader anxiety issues. That may be important, and it’s a point she may want to bring up with the counselor.
I am not what one would call a helicopter parent. But I do allow her to call because 1) I am usually awake at 1 am, and 2) I want to be supportive. I had the same problem in college and never told anyone. I think it’s healthier to tell someone and reach out for support. She has her first appointment with the counselor later this week. Once that starts, I will discourage the late-night calls.
I was going to raise the same point as Marian. This seems more like an anxiety issue than an insomnia issue, primarily, though of course they are related. Did she have anxiety previously or is this new? How did freshman year go? Is there something else going on in her life?
Benadryl is actually pretty powerful. I sometimes use the children’s chewables because the dose is small enough for me. She could probably get an Rx for Ativan or the like, just a few pills to get her back on track. Lack of sleep can really be a problem and even cause detours.
Long term. yoga, Tai Chi, exercise all help.
I would take the calls too. Don’t feel you need to limit these if she is in trouble emotionally. The calls won’t go on forever. Consider yourself training wheels rather than a crutch : )
ps if she has a diagnosis, she is entitled to register with the disabilities office and receive accommodations…
It would be a better idea to get ahead of the anxiety/sleep issues/rumination/whatever is causing the sleep issues by having her call you BEFORE she goes to bed and talking to help her calm herself down and get ready to sleep. While its understandable to want to “be there for her”, taking calls in the middle of the night reinforces the problem it doesn’t resolve it. And it probably causes you anxiety and sleep issues too. She has been swimming in your gene pool, as they say.
<<< speaking as someone who has had good success with many clients teaching them how to manage their sleep issues-- these are not. as others have pointed out, “worthless home-made techniques”. >>>
Thanks @compmom . This was helpful. She indeed has had anxiety most of her life. But it never affected her sleep. She has always had amazing sleep habits and never has had a problem falling or staying asleep. I did suggest that she call her doctor at home to explain the problem and ask for some Ativan. I was thinking that if she explained to her doc that she is seeing a counselor, then maybe the doc would be willing to prescribe as an adjunct. Maybe just to break the cycle.
Interesting about the disabilities office. What kind of accommodations could someone with insomnia receive? No 8 am classes?
@brantly, this sounds like classic anxiety. My daughter also has it, and her insomnia was so awful during first year exams that her psychiatrist put her on Ativan. It was a life-saver! She takes it only when her anxiety is extreme, and uses CBT the rest of the time.
Don’t be afraid of medication–sleep deprivation can be very serious!
Please don’t come down on Brantly! What she is describing isn’t a rude kid who calls her mother up for no reason, but a person with anxiety so acute it is interfering with her ability to function.
And such anxiety is made worse when all of the things people tell you “should” work to induce sleep, just don’t! My daughter literally feared for her sanity when benadryl, melatonin, valerian, yoga, breathing exercises, and meditation did not work night after night. What did work was getting her to the psychiatrist and getting some Ativan.
People with anxiety this acute think they’re beyond help, and nothing could be further from the truth.