There are. The SSRIs that are so often used to treat depression are used to treat anxiety disorders, too. For some people, they’re very helpful. And they’re a type of medication that you take regularly – and can continue to take for a fairly long period of time.
This is oh so familiar. Also second year. D claimed not to be worried about anything and to be loving college but could not sleep – and then would worry about not sleeping, which made it even harder to sleep. (Her mom is the same way.)
I think (this was over 5 years ago) that she was more anxious about some stuff than she was willing to admit (and was thinking about things she was not yet prepared to share). I think she may also have been a bit frightened or lonely sometimes. She was in a two-person/two-room unit but the other person was off campus. Sweet, you might think, two rooms all to herself, but maybe not.
A few things that helped. Listening to Celtic folk music. Changing where she slept from a bed in one room to a hammock in the other. Not looking at the clock. Inviting a friend who was working late to do so in the other room. Hearing the keyboard clicks was surprisingly relaxing. Drugs did not help. For her, they made things worse. YMMV.
Like you, OP, we were willing to have her call any time. Not helicopter parents (I always thought myself as more of a drone), but we would do anything to help her – from 3,000 miles away. One night, my wife read Anna Karenina to her for an hour until she fell asleep. Other nights, I’d give her a relaxed play-by-play if the Giants had a night game. Things got back to normal eventually.
I have no great advice, but I’ve been there, and I think you’re handling it very well.
Sweet dreams to you and your D. ATS
Without a therapist to help OP get to the bottom of the anxiety, she can’t address the issue. Anxiety is just the surface. It is probable that the deeper issue is, (for example only), fear of disappointing family, or lack of self-worth, or who knows… It is likely that performance anxiety or other college stressors are a trigger for deeper, unresolved issues. That was certainly true in my case. None of us can know her particular problem, even OP, and it is possible that short term meds will help the student. I personally do not think drugs are the answer. Again, strictly my opinion as someone who has been through it. I would not push for meds unless the cousnelor recommends them.
If you are going the route of antidepressants, I’d expect something like Remeron or Trazadone to be more helpful, as they have extremely strong sedative effects, to the point where it is common to prescribe for insomnia (or anxiety) without depression. They can also be taken for longer periods than benzodiazepines, and were far more helpful for my past insomnia. In contrast, insomnia is a common side effect of many SSRIs, rather than somnolence. However, like I said earlier, prescription med options are more a discussion for a campus psychiatrist or MD who has the whole history and has ruled out various other possibilities first, rather than random people on the Internet who don’t have the full history.
So @brantly how did it go last night? Talk earlier in the evening to help calm her ?
20 years of insomnia here. Agree with much of previous posters. Most helpful to me when severe multi-day insomnia occurred is to take a double dose of the Benadryl sleep aid. Much more effective to stay asleep than just one. Yes you are slow the next day but not impossibly.
Ambien was weird and didn’t work, Trazadone very addictive and makes you eat a ton (off label use to combat bulimia). Frankly, the strong prescription medications were worrisome as habit forming with many side effects.
So having also tried behavioral and sleep ritual nighttime changes (also make sure not exercising in evening as it makes harder to sleep) as well as very strong medications, I can say the Benadryl x 2 works best, most of the time in combo with good sleep habits, for me. I took it daily in bad weeks, but now very seldom. Once in awhile will take NyQuil to just knock out instead.
She’ll need a good solid few days of sleep however she can get it, then try all the counseling and other techniques for good habit maintenance. Good luck and I hope this is a temporary stage for her.
They’re not everyone’s cup of tea, but ASMR videos usually help me sleep.
I think this is important. When I couldn’t sleep as a little kid, my parents would get really upset and it made me worry that I would never sleep again and die or something. The problem improved as I got older and they got less concerned about me going to sleep at a certain time.
Is she not sleeping at other times, like pretty much around the clock? She may need to see a medical doctor in addition to counselor/psychologist/therapist, to rule out anything physical.
If she is sleeping at another time of day, say 5AM-12PM, then she is going to have to gradually shift that around back to the night hours.
Is she particularly stressed about something in her life? Since this just started, I wonder about that. A hard class, a relationship, the election? If there is something specific, it is pretty important to “detox” from it for a while before the trying to sleep. I use fiction reading for 30-60 minutes before sleep to help with that. If I lay down to sleep and my mind starts racing & I can’t sleep, I read some more and then try again. I also read in the middle of the night if I wake up and can’t go back to sleep.
I also have to avoid caffeine after lunch. Chocolate after dinner can keep me up, too.
OP-- what has happened over the last 2 nights??
@brantly, I don’t have anything to add - you have gotten some very sound advice already. I just wanted to send you virtual support.
S2 also had some sleep difficulties in college (freshman year) and it was terrible. He was having anxiety about his HS girlfriend, a difficult roommate, etc. and it manifested in difficulty falling and staying asleep. He also fell into the “what if I don’t sleep tonight” trap which caused more anxiety. He did end up going to the health center at some point and they gave him something to break the cycle. They told him how common it was, which made him feel better.
I also want to commend you for taking her calls - I did the same thing. Their mental health is equally as important as their physical health and if they are reaching out to us (at any time) it means they need our support. For example, there is currently an entire thread in the Parent Cafe about adult children still “needing mommy”!
I hope this resolves soon for your daughter.
I just want to caution about potential dependence on any med, even OTC, at this young age. Of course, we’d all like to see her get better sleep. But try to get to the root of the problem. Have someone help explore the causes and easy remedies, first.
I know plenty who do need a distraction to fall asleep, soft music or a low TV. We all go through times of learning who we are, how to deal with things, what works. I just hate to think of a young adult fixing symptoms, ignoring causes.
And though we learned she’s up through the wee hours, we still don’t know how late she sleeps in the morning, whether she gets 6-8 hours or is up at 7 am.
Thank you EVERYONE for chiming in with experiences and helpful tips. She saw a campus counselor yesterday. Counselor said she “looks tired,” then suggested she attend an anxiety workshop that they hold on campus. It’s a multi-session, group workshop that they run many times throughout the year. She also told my D to talk to her doctor about meds. That was it. She didn’t suggest that my D return.
D still has not had a full night’s sleep. She usually falls asleep around 3 am or so, which means she’s lying in bed for 3-4 hours before sleep hits. She’s been calling usually around 2. We talk. I tell her random mindless things about my day, and sometimes I tell her old stories. I want to be there for her and be a calming presence.
In answer to questions from posters above: Yes, she gets regular exercise. Gym a few times a week (treadmill) and walks about 7-10 miles a day (big campus). She has always had excellent sleep hygiene, getting to bed at around the same time every night and waking up around the same time (even on weekends). She does not drink coffee or cola. She’s very well-organized with her work. The one thing that is different this year: She started a course of study in a different program within her university. Freshman year she was in the liberal arts school. Now, sophomore year, after applying and being accepted for a different, pre-professional program, she is in that school. It is much different from anything she has ever done before. Very stressful. She was awaiting the results of one particular midterm that she thought she failed. Got results yesterday: 10 points above the mean. Likely an A-. I thought that the relief of doing well would help her sleep. No dice.
Next steps: She signed up for yoga. I will encourage her to go to the anxiety workshop. We are looking for a private therapist near her school. Also, the school has an anxiety-disorders clinic, which we will look into. She asked me if she can call her doctor at home to ask for anti-anxiety meds. I told her that she cannot do that in isolation, that she can only ask for the drug as an adjunct to seeing a therapist or going to the anxiety workshop. I told her that the drug should be used as a “rescue” med in severe situations, like the night before a test, not as an ongoing thing.
She probably needs a good night’s sleep right now. Even one pill could help. If she were having seizures you would medicate. Or an asthma attack. She needs to sleep before she can deal with her sleep problem.
I was up all night talking to my daughter who has type 1 diabetes and a gizmo that alarms for both her and me when she is in danger. I don’t see that much difference. I certainly told her to take some insulin. She had a major performance today and I was sleep deprived too. Sometimes I think we need to experience it to really understand how badly it needs immediate treatment.
One other thing: a Reiki 1 workshop, usually one day, can be very helpful. You learn how to Reiki yourself and it is surprisingly effective (I was a skeptic) and gives one a sense of control.
What’s Reiki?
You do a workshop in which the master teacher introduces you to it. It is basically putting hands on or near a person, or oneself, which usually produces heat and relaxation. It is quite amazing. I do it for hospice patients. I was a skeptic but it helped my breathing, which helped me sleep. I have no idea why it works. Very helpful for sleep actually. (I also do a lot of Tai Chi).
But I still think meds are needed in the short term for your daughter, just my point of view… : )
The anxiety disorders clinic is a great resource. She will meet other students struggling with similar issues. She is not alone.
What you’re talking about applies to benzos. The situation is different for SSRIs.
From what I know (from knowing a few people with anxiety disorders), SSRIs are not prescribed initially, but they may be added to treatment after a few months if psychotherapy alone isn’t producing adequate results. If this happens, the new medication is NOT taken as a rescue med. It’s used on a daily basis.
Insomnia can be a sign of depression. Anxiety and depression are often related. It sounds like the campus counselor dropped the ball. I think she should talk to another professional, either at the school or in town. Good luck to you, I know how stressful it can be to have a struggling young adult.
Thanks. I know it can be a sign of depression. I have also concluded that the role of the counselor is to assess whether the student has symptoms of serious psychotic disease or is a danger to themselves or others. Outside of that, they just refer them to the anxiety workshop or other services.