I’m a freshman in college and I’m home for the first time since I first left for college (3 months ago) and being home has made me realize even more how much I really miss high school. I don’t hate college, but I don’t love it either, and I actually really loved high school. In high school I had an extracurricular I really loved (show choir), I played two sports I enjoyed a lot, and I had a really great group of friends. I’m also pretty close to my parents and really close to my younger brother. Now, I go to school 13 hours away from home so I sometimes feel disconnected with my family, I don’t play any sports, and I have one group (my a cappella group) that keeps me remotely sane. I have a few friends here and there but not a group like I did in high school, and no one I’m as close with yet. I also really dislike my living situation. But the college is a really good one and I really like my professors and classes, and nothing has gone terribly wrong or anything, I just feel so lonely there because of only having a few friends that I’m still not 100% comfortable with. I feel so lame missing high school because I feel like everyone else has moved on and loves college life, but I still am having trouble letting go of high school life. Anyone else feel or felt like this? What can I do to make it better?
You are not remotely alone in this. And you are miles ahead of the curve in diagnosing what’s wrong. Most freshman at this point are moaning that they picked the wrong school, when in truth they are just facing the usual difficulties associated with a tough transition to a strange new place. Good for you for realizing what you’ve lost and have yet to gain - a new life that is still in the making.
Advice? Take the pressure off yourself to be happy immediately in a new place. That’s not realistic. Find a few more things to try out - intramural sports you enjoy, and things you’ve never tried before…Realize that the social groups are shifting this first semester as people realize that those they live with aren’t necessarily going to be best friends and they’ll have to look elsewhere, just as you are. Try making connections with people who share your other interests. Try sitting with some different people at meals.
You’re living situation is temporary. If it’s really bad, you may be able to switch. If not, are there things you can do to make it better? (earplugs and eyeshades have saved many a relationship) Next year, it will be entirely different so don’t let it get to you unless it’s preventing you from sleeping. If the latter, then it’s time for the room-mate conversation, with RA assistance if necessary.
As I said to my daughter after a tough first semester at college, it’s not like the college friend train leaves the station after a few months and you’re either on it or not. Each year, with its accompanying new living situation, is a new adventure, and sometimes finding an entirely new friend group is just one new club or activity away. My son is going to have a similarly challenging time replacing a very close knit group of high school friends (particularly associated with his theater activities) when he heads off to college, but those bonds were multiple years in the making. His very lonely and isolated freshman year feels like a distant memory now, but it was very real at the time. So yeah, hang tough, keep making an effort, and trust that things will evolve and hopefully improve over time.
Could you play an intramural sport? It’s a great way to get out, stay active, do an activity that you enjoy, and meet new people. Could you take a rec class? That’s another great way to stay active, meet people, and perhaps learn a new skill. Could you get a part-time job? If you get a job where you are working with other students and/or are speaking to a lot of people everyday, it can help you feel more connected to your campus and to other students, and it can help you meet and get to know a new group of students that you might not have otherwise met.
Making friends takes time, and this is something that comes as a surprise to a lot of college students (just take a look at many of the threads in this forum–you are definitely not alone!). In high school, it’s a lot easier to make friends. You’re with the same students every day all year, you may have known the same kids and had the same friends from middle and elementary school, you’re in tons of extracurriculars with the same kids, and you likely just made friends without really thinking about it. Making friends in college (and post-college) takes time and effort. You have to work at it, and it might take time before you really feel comfortable with them. You’re doing all of the right things, just keep working at it. Stay active, and try to do things with friends outside of class and activities–that’s when you get closer to them.
Also remember that when you hear about what everyone else is doing, you often only hear the best things. People don’t tend to tell loads of other people the times when they feel lonely or left out or that they are struggling to make really close friends. They tend to talk about fun things they did. It can sometimes be misleading if you are only hearing snippets of what is going on in other people’s lives or are getting this feeling from doing things like looking at other people on facebook.
Of course you miss high school!
You left as a senior, on the top of the social ladder. You were with people you had spent 4-- or 7 or 12 – years, so there was no struggle to make friends. You had mom and dad there each night to provide a warm meal, a word of encouragement, or gas money if you needed it.
And now you feel alone, like everyone but you has all the answers. Like these are supposed to be the best years of your life, and you’re missing out.
I’ll let you in on a secret: all that stuff they’re posting on Facebook?? It’s only the highs, and most of them are hyperbole in action. And that bit about the best years?? It’s a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood and by nostalgia.
The best years of my life are these-- the years I spend watching my kids grow. Your best years are ahead of you.
That’s not to say you won’t have a wonderful time. Just be realistic in your expectations. And strengthen those friendships with the kids in the a cappella group. Find other activities that are related-- chorus or the drama production or the college radio station, and explore them. Find some sort of a service activity to join. You’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll find the type of people you’ll be proud to call friends.
And hang in there. It does get better.
All of the above posts- and mine, as I add another- are doing the same thing: the virtual mom hug that says 'yes, starting this new stage of life takes some work; yes, you are doing it right; and yes, it’s going to be ok 
To your actual question (!), maybe don’t look at it as letting go of high school life, or that you are lame b/c you miss it when other people are have left it behind and are loving college. First: everybody moves at their own pace. Second: surely you know many people for whom high school was not great (or even was terrible)- how great for them that college is a happier place. Third: how great that you loved high school enough to miss it! That experience is part of what got you to your great college, so use it to keep going forward.
As @N’s Mom points out, you have actually done nearly all the figuring out of what’s wrong- just one last piece:
it’s subtle, but important. You have put everything under the heading of ‘missing High School’, but from here it looks more as if you are missing your life in high school. The distinction matters: High School is something that is done, and you can’t get back, and pining for it will get in the way of building your new life. You can, however, get back to the things that you liked in your life in HS: having a sense of belonging, a feeling of being a part of a community, doing ECs that your really enjoy, feeling connected to your family.
They won’t be exactly the same, anymore than the way you related to your parents was not exactly the same in 9th grade and 12th grade (might have been great in both- but pretty sure that as you matured your relationship with them evolved a bit), or with your brother (as people get older age differences diminish, so the things you have in common will change). But they can have the same feeling
So embrace the idea that the things you miss will look a little different in this new place, and realize that you have already started putting together the pieces of your new life together (you have a few friends, you have found a group, you are enjoying your academics). Use the great suggestions in the above posts to keep looking around (strongly seconding finding the sport, btw), you will create a new life in college that has the important parts of HS* you are really missing.
*b/c really, there must be parts of HS that you are NOT missing?! Mine loved HS also, but there are plenty of things that they don’t miss…