<p>
[quote]
i know of several girls (mostly freshman/sophomore) going to colleges and universities in the Boston area who do secretly have a serious relationship going on with young professors.... is this common at all?
[/quote]
Well that is very innappropriate and unprofessional...</p>
<p><a href="http://www.collegiatechoice.com/mydave.htm%5B/url%5D">http://www.collegiatechoice.com/mydave.htm</a></p>
<p>Reading this forumn reminded me of that. I thought it was hilarious.</p>
<p>
[quote]
is it common for ppl to date or have an intimate relationship with their college professors especially very young ones, like professors in their late 20s?</p>
<p>i know of several girls (mostly freshman/sophomore) going to colleges and universities in the Boston area who do secretly have a serious relationship going on with young professors.... is this common at all?
[/quote]
</p>
<ol>
<li>It's innapropriate and against university policy for a professor to date their current student since he/she has power over the student and his/her grades.</li>
<li>If they are dating and say the student gets a 2.0, h/she can turn around and claim that the prof sexually harassed her. That puts the professor in a tricky situation and that's why many avoid dating their students. </li>
<li>If the professor is caught, he/she will be fired and lose tenure (it's basically immunity)</li>
<li>The professor will be gossiped about by their colleagues.</li>
<li>Even if the student graduates, it is generally looked down upon by faculty members. </li>
<li>The student really isn't interested in the professor, but the fact that he/she is a professor and that situation is an ideal fantasy.</li>
<li>If you make it known to a professor that you have a crush on him/her, the professor and his/her colleagues will laugh behind your back. They talk, trust me.</li>
<li>Most professors leave their doors to office hours open, so they won't be accused of anything and they save suspicious emails.</li>
<li>If professors feel like they are being harassed, they will report it to the Dean of the college and you will be investigated.</li>
<li>If it's a fact that the student will NEVER have the professor for a class then it's fine. </li>
<li>Even after the student is done with the prof's class, the prof will most likely not date the student because a student may need a recommendation from him/her down the road. This presents a conflict of interest. </li>
<li>IT'S NOT WORTH IT FOR THE PROFESSOR AND THE STUDENT, IN THE END.</li>
</ol>
<p>Bottom line: Please let these girls know what they are doing is inapropriate and if they continue to date their current professors, you need to report this. If these professors are willing to risk losing their tenure, research grants, and their job over something that is clearly against policy, they do not deserve to be in academia. They know the rules, trust me. Also, I don't want to sit in class wondering if my professor is a scumbag or not and if he's going to make a pass at me.</p>
<p>It could be guys dating female professors as well... Hold on, nevermind.</p>
<p>Not much is going on with me. I tried dating one boy, but I got bored within a few weeks. Now I'm "talking to" (aka romantically interested in, and occasionally hook up with) a guy who has a girlfriend at our school... 0_o</p>
<p>I swear I'm not a bad person though.</p>
<p>This reminds me of an old song by The Police called "Don't Stand So Close to Me".</p>
<p>Here are my stances on each:</p>
<p>College student + college student (age not a variable): To me, it's like developing minor leaguers. When they get drafted by a team, they vary greatly in ability. Some will make it to the show while others will fail to get out of A-level ball. You get some who can almost go to the bigs immediately. We'll use pitchers here in our example. Just as someone may have a 92 mph fastball and a pinpoint control slider when they are first drafted, someone may have the maturity to handle dating. On the other hand, you also get the guy who would throw three wild pitches, commit a BALK, walk two guys, and give up a fat one in his first inning of rookie ball. That guy is the one who likely won't have a real romance. You also get the ones in between who may show signs of having a love affair but nothing ever comes about.</p>
<p>In short--take a look at a ballclub's draft from a while back, say 1992. Only a handful of the guys they draft made the majors, and check on the track records of those guys. Some were legit players and others maybe lasted a few games and couldn't perform at all. This is what it's like at the end of the four years of college.</p>
<p>Guys and girls both seem to have this problem. I've found no difference in the two genders as far as maturity goes--you have equal numbers of major leaguers and career minor leaguers.</p>
<p>College student + high school student: Here's one for thought. This varies on what the circumstances are. If it's an old relationship that carried over from senior year, the key date is nine months. If it's still going strong by May (end of freshman year) it should survive. This is somewhat rare unless the student is a commuter to a local college. Typically it is the college student who finds new romantic partners.</p>
<p>If it's a student at a college who starts going out with someone who they knew in high school, this is even rarer. Another case is where a college student meets a high school student from a different high school through some non-college-sponsored club. This too is rare.</p>
<p>The high school relationship is very rare but seems to have the highest success rate in the long run.</p>
<p>College student + person out of college: This is often the byproduct of a student whose significant other graduated. These sort of relationships often will work. What usually doesn't work is when someone is in college and the other is in the workforce.</p>
<p>College student + professor: FLAT OUT WRONG. Look at the posts above me for more information.</p>
<p>
[quote]
willmingtonwave: You seemed to be criticizing Vail for not being interested in marriage, and that he should 'live life'. I was attempting to point out that 'life' is not the equivalent 'marriage' ("!=" is a common symbol for 'not equal', often used in computer code). That is, Vail's lack of interest in marriage does not constitute a failure to 'live life', as you seemed to imply.
[/quote]
</p>
<p><em>nod nod</em>. Thanks ThinMan.</p>
<p>I think what wilmingtonwave was trying to say that vail should put off his decisions regarding marriage and instead live life and figure it out on the way, not that his disinterest in marriage was a failure to "live life." </p>
<p>Like you said, "after all, this is college." College is more than just the classes you go to.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Besides, with the way laws and society both are now, it just doesn't pay for American men to date or get married.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Maybe I'm a romantic, but, really, does it have to "pay"?</p>
<p>No problem, Vail.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Maybe I'm a romantic, but, really, does it have to "pay"?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>By "pay" I mean benefit. Like this definition from dictionary.com</p>
<p>
[quote]
15. to yield a return, profit, or advantage; be worthwhile: It pays to be courteous.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Well, in that case, it certainly does pay.</p>
<p>Eh, I guess that depends on where you're standing if a divorce occurs.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think what wilmingtonwave was trying to say that vail should put off his decisions regarding marriage and instead live life and figure it out on the way, not that his disinterest in marriage was a failure to "live life."
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Exactly, don't worry about such things now and just focus on living your life to the fullest.</p>
<p>so back to the interesting/crazy stories that are our love lives...</p>
<p>i thought this guy (my age) liked me in high school. we went to dances together for basically 3 years, and we were always friends-but-is-something-more-ever-gonna-happen? (at least from my perspective lol)
i liked him, didn't know for sure if he liked me (all my friends, including guys who were friends with him, said he did)
turns out, he didn't, and he liked this other girl (also my friend) except she had a boyfriend. now we're in college, and all of us are still good friends. i'm (sort of?) over him cuz i know he likes the other girl. he's still pining after her because even though she's sort of apart from her high school (younger) bf, there's a new guy she's kind of involved with.
so... the INTERESTING part (slash, crazy) comes with the fact throughout high school, while i was busy liking the guy i went to all the dances with, i ALSO liked someone else... his older brother. i had a funny crush on him for most of high school (he's only a year older). and he kept dating other girls throughout that time, and now even though he's a sophomore in college he keeps dating girls from our high school (who are still, like, 15 or 16 years old...) in any case, i felt SOOOOO weird about it. i mean, liking a guy AND his brother? isn't that like, incest? xD
i don't know WHY i liked him (i'm hoping it's past tense by now... but i never know for sure), and i've only told one other person, and it's a secret i'm taking with me to the grave. among my close friends, of course.
none of you know me ;)
just wanted to share how convoluted things can be, since the OP seemed to be interested in wacky stories :)</p>
<p>oh liyana, you could have told me!!!</p>
<p>mines not even a wacky story</p>
<p>some guy is probably stringing me along and i know it and i still go along with it. sometimes he's really forward and sometimes he's doing nothing and he says he doesnt want a relationship and i hate how nothing has changed after he said that.</p>
<p>maybe he's gay but doesn't want to admit it. it's not like he has the looks to be a manwhore, and he's not that bright either. i'm so bitter and so angry (hi come to my family's dinner party) i can't even see clear now.</p>
<p>man im a *****.</p>
<p>For vail and all those guys backing him up saying college is purely for academics let me ask you a question.</p>
<p>When was the last time you got p****?</p>
<p>Just answer the question, maybe it explains why you have such a one sided view on college</p>
<p>ignoring the blatant disrespect in tnn's comment... :rolleyes:</p>
<p>so moldau, i LOVE the "it's not like he has the looks to be a manwhore" quote.
love it :D
and i'm sure that once another guy becomes interested in you, or you become interested in another guy, and the first non-manwhore guy finds out, a LOT of things will be revealed.
i'm not saying to go find some other dude on purpose. but when it happens, it will be enlightening :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
For vail and all those guys backing him up saying college is purely for academics
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Allow me to quote myself (yet again, it seems that's all I do here!) in order to disprove the lie you've said about me.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I advocate having reliable friends you can depend on in college, not fickle 'romantic relationships'.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Now to quote the rest of your pathetic joke-of-a-post.</p>
<p>
[quote]
For vail and all those guys backing him up saying college is purely for academics let me ask you a question.</p>
<p>When was the last time you got p****?</p>
<p>Just answer the question, maybe it explains why you have such a one sided view on college
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Not that it proves anything at all, but if by "p****" you mean a female-specific anatomy part, then that would be never, because I don't seek that crud out. The reason why I said that it doesn't prove anything is because there are plenty of other men in the anti-marriage movement who don't want to get married, but they believe that stuff like "hook-ups" and prostitutes are okay (more for the latter than the former in my experiences, since nobody wants to be a victim of 'buyers remorse' these days). Am I one of those men? No. Are they there in the group. Yes. Do they want to get married? HECK no. (the boards were anti-marriage boards for crying out loud) </p>
<p>So...even though your question was awful and was phrased and presented in the rudest manner, I humored you by not only answering it, but I even explained why any conclusions you might draw from it would be null and void. Aren't I such a nice guy? </p>
<p>Someday, when you let your brain control your body instead of your hormones (for a change), you'll realize that its just a body part, and it's not the be-all-end-all of college, and certainly not of life.</p>
<p>Love sucks.</p>
<p>Had a "friend" (who according to bascially everyone, liked me) who went off to college while I was a junior in HS, then came home, went to a party with me, got drunk and tried to kiss me... and then became and ******* and I stopped talking to him.</p>
<p>Boys are really dumb sometimes! Come on guys, shape up!</p>
<p>Yeah, yeah, I know. Girls do it too. Had a friend, a girl, bisexual, who liked me. She started dating a guy who then hit on me, and she got really mad at me like it was my fault (trust me, I told the guy to back off). And then didn't get mad at him (or the other girl) when he slept with her best friend.</p>
<p>CRAZINESS! So glad I have a good solid BF now who is going to school in the same city as me next year, though not the same school, which is probably for the best.</p>
<p>Guys who claim to be anti-marriage are a bunch of things...delusional being one of them.</p>
<p>I know what the divorce rate is and all, but I still think marriage and a family is really all you can live for these days. Money is good, but it's transient. Money won't miss you when you die. It won't be a shoulder to cry on when life gets you down. It won't, ahem, fulfill that other need all guys have.</p>
<p>And you could get the best degree and the best job making the best money...and you can be dead and gone the next day. They will clear out your desk and hire someone else.</p>
<p>Like I said on another thread, working isn't living. And if you don't develop some life and people skills in college, you've wasted your time. Even if you don't make the best grades, if you go to school long enough, and go to class enough, you'll graduate. Maybe not in four years, but still. Experience, widsom, and social knowledge aren't things you can fully get on the Internet or in a classroom. You've got to live it.</p>
<p>It's funny, Vail. Sometimes I agree with you, sometimes I don't. But some of the things you say make you sound just as naive and scared as the rest of us.</p>