I was stressed out by the process. As I learned more about the process, it made me feel like I should have been more strategic for DS. But I wasn’t (nor was he.)
Mostly, I wanted my kid to be happy with his choice. We saw so many schools that I’d have been delighted for him to attend at various points across the selectivity scale.
The reality is that it’s easy to find a great school out there where a kid can get a great education. Picking the one where you can be yourself and be happy is a little harder.
Having done this before, you are set up to navigate the process well.
College admissions wasn’t high pressure for our first. We knew he’d get into a very good college. We knew that cost wouldn’t be a prohibitive factor (we had saved a lot, and we had a decent income). He didn’t have a special college that he wanted to attend. He didn’t make any pre-application visits to prospective colleges, though he’d been to several on the high school debate circuit. He left it to me (his Dad) to come up with a list. He was very busy with his major EC’s. He had outstanding test scores (without special prep). He got into several outstanding colleges and chose UChicago, which he first visited after he was already admitted.
I was most concerned when youngest told us he was only going to apply to his top choice. We were pretty sure he’d get in based upon stats and acceptance rate, but we weren’t sure it would be affordable. Still, he was adamant that his Plan B would be getting a job.
It worked…
None of mine wanted to chase Ivies. Two wouldn’t have made it anyway. Other than U Penn and Cornell, Ivies aren’t very popular around here. My Ivy capable lad didn’t want the elitist stigma if he opted to return home to live. No regrets. He loved where he went.
Neither lad has regrets. Not sure about oldest, but I think he is still pleased with his choice too - a small Christian College.
I’m thinking not many non-concerned parents end up on college confidential.
Most of my young cousins go to the easy admissions state university our family has attended for generations. I doubt their parents (my older cousins) know this site exists.
And after graduation, they live pretty much happily ever after…
I think (hope) that any pressure I put on my D20 is to help him achieve what he says he wants. He is shooting high, so we find ourselves suggesting things which will help him. We constantly say that he could go to the College Down the Street and we would be just as proud and his future would be just as bright. He puts WAY more pressure on himself than we put on him, but he is 17 and doesn’t know the ways of the world like we do.
I think all of us just want our kids to be happy. And maybe some of us have personal regrets we would like our kids to avoid. So it is tough…I don’t think a complete unconcerned attitude would be helpful, either. And no matter what we say, or how many examples we give him of how the college experience can be fantastic almost anywhere, he wants what he wants. I think what he wants has little to do with what we want for him. He is far more influenced by his peers than by us.
I was, but S20 has zero interest in prestige or where his friends are going and definitely has no interest in wading through multiple choices. We are limited to in-state due to finances and he is fine with that too, as he just wants the best bang for the buck…he’s a very practical kid. There are a lot of schools in our state and with the exception of a couple he’s a slam dunk for any of them despite not having all the stats that are the norm on CC.
There is a good chance he’ll only apply to two schools. One target and one safety. Neither one requires essays or letters of recommendation. The target is only a 50/50 shot. The safety is a slam dunk and the more he thinks about it the more he wants to go to that school anyhow. He likes the more laid back vibe and the area over the downtown Minneapolis scene and the pressure and competition of the school. It coincidentally is one of the cheapest options too outside of living at home and going to the local school, but the local didn’t have the majors he was interested in, otherwise, he probably would have done that.
@hzhao2004 I was not aware that CC was just for those pursuing the elite colleges. Relaxed does not necessarily equate to “I don’t care” or that you don’t ever have a need for information.
I’m on CC because it’s helped me figure out where to look to for merit and brought up a number of schools I’ve never heard of before. Who needs CC if you’re looking at T20? Go buy USNWR and you’re done.
@hzhao2004 Speaking for myself, I left for a bit after youngest entered college, but found myself continually being asked at the high school where I work about various colleges good for X, so would come here as one of my sources. I live in an area where less than 1/5th of the students have college educated parents, so there is a bit of info to share at times.
Then I found out that being a teacher who is also a parent of a successful med school applicant gave me “status” as an “med school expert” there too (at school). I’m not. There are some very knowledgeable med school contributors on that forum here, so I glean and share along with consulting my lad when I need to.
I found cc to start with after we lost a fair bit of our college savings in the economic downturn of 2008. Oldest started college in 2010. I needed to figure out what we could do about college for my lads. CC was a big help. We didn’t have to be chasing Ivies. There’s far more knowledge on this site than that.
Along the way I discovered the Parent Cafe and enjoy getting to know some of the folks behind the avatar - always teaching me more about life outside my own personal circles.
@hzhao2004 - I first wandered over here trying to learn how the new tax laws would effect financial aid. There’s a lot for me to learn about sending my first off to college that doesn’t have to do with applying to elite schools. It’s been 30 years since I started college and I lived at home and attended the local school, so I don’t have any experience with going away and living on campus to share with DS.
We also were going to go the route of applying to multiple Big 10 schools, but the reality of finances hit us so our list is now quite short. I still CARE. I just care more about him graduating debt free.
@Sarrip Precisely! I may be more relaxed than the average CC parent, but I came here looking for info. I can be informed and still feel relatively relaxed about the process.
I used CC to find out deadlines and read through the college specific threads. I stayed on CC because one of D’s close friends way over reached on his list of schools and ended up at his safety (which he applied to last minute because the GC begged him) and I wanted to help other students/families not have that happen to then. I help where I can.
I also then discovered Parent Cafe which has been awesome and I answer questions in D’s college specific forum.
We didn’t even look at rankings at first. S17 had great GPA, decent test scores, and excellent ECs but knew what he wanted: land grant university with animal science degree, vet school (preferable early admit program), D1 sports, relaxed atmosphere but good pre-med type classes. Not east or west coast. Not huge like our main in-state. I added good merit aid. His list turned out to be all rolling admissions that were safeties (Auburn, Colorado State, Iowa State, Mississippi State, Texas Tech (ok no vet school but in state), and Kansas State) They all have excellent animal science programs.
As he looked at these he added good honors college and good study abroad programs to his high desires. We looked at that point found out they all had very good programs for what he wanted and that was it. He had all his acceptances by November and just waiting until March to get his honors college and early admit decisions.
We would have liked him to take the ACT again but in his case it really didn’t make a difference so he just said that was it. Made for lower pressure and happier kid.
He is doing great, loves his school - perfect fit for him. He has one more year undergraduate and then will start vet school!
How high ranked the school was didn’t come into play. When he told about the scholarships and programs he got that was plenty!
It depends upon where you live, where your kids go to school. I have two residences. At one there is nearly zero interest and just barely enough parental involvement for the kids to get the necessary signature and fees paid. Here in NY, it’s like taking a sip from a firehouse on full blast when you enter the college admissions scene
I would not say I am “not concerned”, just pragmatic about the choices that are possible for DS2, an unhooked high stats, upper middle class ORM from NJ . No amount of us stressing out is going to be helpful for the kid. There’s more peer pressure to aim for reachy schools than there is pressure from us. Thanks to a lot of the advice given in many of the threads, we have advised DS2 to find EC’s he truly likes and go into with some depth. We are building, and visiting, the list from the bottom up - and saving the reaches for last.
We do not treat our NJ flagship as a consolation prize. He met some really interesting engineering students on Rutgers Day. Next year, he wants to do Maryland Day. Opting for a slow but steady pace for the college search means we can adjust as we get more data points regarding kid’s grades, test scores etc.
As a prof at a regional uni serving mostly students from a lower SES, I know how fortunate my kids are to have access to a great school, neighborhood etc.At the same time, I am not exactly 100% on board with all the stuff that’s currently in vogue with selective college admissions, but it is beyond anything I can control .
My oldest just graduating high school is a high stat kid and he applied to a huge range of schools and would have done great at any of them. Well due to being half the price of the next appropriate option, he is going to a public flagship with a great scholarship in an honors program.
If you do the math there are MANY more potential academic peers at the public in the top 25% of their student body than the quirky elite LAC he was considering. I’m excited for him and our approaching retirement pocketbook. He also applied to music programs and he also got the most personal attention from this public. Super welcoming program which was a surprise.
I have a younger kid. I think I’m going to encourage her to shoot for similar schools. She can apply broadly if she wants and understands what price point we are looking for. We can not reasonably afford our EFC x2 kids without taking a huge financial risk no matter what anyone says.
I describe our first college search experience as “relaxed through preparation”. On the money front we knew exactly what we had on hand through years of 529 savings. On the college selection side, our S did stellar work on putting together a list that spanned the spectrum from reach to safety all meeting the criteria of what he wanted to study. We also knew that if every application was rejected that our state school options were always available (with long admission cycles) basically a “double” safety. Actually, our S did much more work than we did in researching specific programs at potential schools, and writing all of the required essays. For us, waiting for decision days was more exciting than stressful.
OK, I’ll admit that the college search and selection process was not very laid back at my house, at least with my first. That was mostly due to financial constraints, resulting in merit hunting (so standardized test scores were important) and looking at schools that offered generous financial aid - which usually means higher ranked schools. Both kids would have been fine at our state school but it’s huge and both were looking at options that were smaller.