<p>My family members tend to break body parts with great regularity :(</p>
<p>George Bush senior still jumps out of the planes once an year on his birthday.</p>
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<p>I cannot think of anything at all that would lead someone to think that. Hyperactivity? Maybe. Asperger’s or on the specturm? Already a stretch. But bipolar? Never heard anyone relay anything to lead one to believe that.</p>
<p>I think I agree, it makes sense…</p>
<p>so I’m sitting here laughing and nodding at all these response. Ya, you’re all right to some degree, except I’m pretty sure I did some crazy spontaneous things when I was his age and I’m not bi-polar. And for what it’s worth, he did not up and decide to sky dive, he’d been thinking about it for weeks. Also, it was me who asked him if he was wanting to talk to me about his big plans to make it rich one day, not the other way around.</p>
<p>I think in spite of the humor there’s been some excellent comments. He’s home, he’s safe and secretly, I hope he jumped out of that plane, in spite of the price.</p>
<p>There was a great thread many years ago on all the crazy stuff we did at that age. We sem to have lived to tell about it :)</p>
<p>okay lovely college confidential friends of mine, here’s how it all played out. First I steamed for two days, stupid right? But hey does anyone else do this whole parenting thing with mistakes, I do often and try like mad to correct myself. I gave my DH a real cold shoulder because he was so rational and I was well, just insanely mad!</p>
<p>Then I started thinking about how I’ve raised all my kids to be adventurous and here he was doing that and I was worried. So yes he didn’t come home but come to find out he told DH where he was going and my DH was okay with the plans. Granted no one told him to not come home and not call, but as a college student who’s used to going off (I got that from you all) on his own and it’s only happened 3 times this summer, I’m actually okay with that, because that means 100 days he’s come home and gone to bed in his own home. I still crack up because I thought I was seasoned with the older two but hey, that’s the best part right, I’m still evolving!</p>
<p>So flash forward to today. He’d been home 24 hours but I’d not spoken with him yet, really hadn’t seen him due to work. So when I finally see him I look at him, and in a very playful way ask him did he jump? He sheepishly says yes. And I said well I want every detail, don’t leave a thing out and I told him I hoped it was the time of this life. He was shocked!!! He then said this: "Well okay but before I tell you what happened, I have to first say how sorry I am. I get that you stayed up worried about me (truth is I slept righ thru but he doesn’t have to know that) and that was unfair to you, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you and I hope to not do it again, but I really wanted to do this and I knew if I told you you would probaly try to talk me out of it and honestly mom, it was the most exciting thing I’ve ever done! We then talked for almost a full hour and I told him was glad he did something that he’ll remember forever, and in the future try us out, because we’re really pretty reasonable people. I couldn’t promise him we’d be thrilled or on board with everything, but if he’d checked it out, paid for it himself, then really, we’d more than likely support it! And I told him I was happy that he did it because it did sound like an amazing experience. He admitted that he was scared out of his mind. </p>
<p>But here’s the best part. The fellow who took them on this day trip, and again I knew nothing about any of this, is a guy who’s a grad student at Harvard and has started some kind of business where he goes to colleges and high schools and tries to get students to find adventures that are fun but safe and not just doing shots at some local bar!! The kids he went with are all very smart entering college freshmen or current college students doing well. So he made a good decision!!! I am was truly very happy for him.</p>
<p>You all gave me great advice, I especially took to heart the dad who thought that since he’d been off at college and spent a year not having to answer to anyone, it was unreasonable to ask him to tell me where he was going unless I suppose he offers (and lets face it folks, you know he probably makes it up lest I be worried ((yikes)) so what’s the point of that), So glad I read your comments after I’d talked to him because all on my own I’m helping him come around or visa versa (ha!) and it feels so much better already.</p>
<p>Maybe because it’s been a tough summer for he and I, we haven’t been fighting, but have kept our distance from each other and so it was interesting that as he was leaving for work, he asks me if I planned to come up to this city he attends college in and I said well sure maybe. And he said okay because he’d really like to have dinner with me and my husband, and his girlfriend and older brother and sisters. I said that it was a deal he could count on. I let him drive off and thought, okay folks, he’s really ready to go off on his own, what was I thinking???</p>
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<p>Heh…that reminded me of the time (before cell phones) that I called my parents from the pay phone at the racetrack right before my first race to let them know that I’d taken up motorcycle racing.</p>
<p>Coming, as it did, the year after they received a letter from me telling them that I’d dropped out of college, I think they took it with remarkable grace.</p>
<p>Lovely story, Fullmom!</p>
<p>Fullmom,
I so loved hearing your happy ending- yaaay!! Win Win.
(Bottle it for those “other” moments, 'kay! and remember that such are the rewards of parenting. I lived vicariously, so thanks)</p>
<p>Fullmom - may his kid be just like him someday.</p>
<p>I’m glad this seems to have worked out to your satisfaction, Fullmom.</p>
<p>I have not yet been in this situation. My oldest has just graduated from high school, and will be leaving for a gap year abroad in a couple of months. I don’t want to be like one of those tiresome childless people who dispense unsolicited child-rearing advice. Nevertheless, I have a question.</p>
<p>As long as the parents are still providing a substantial portion of a college student’s support, is it really presumptuous of them to expect to be treated as family when the college student is at home, rather than as roommates?</p>
<p>I get that a college student doesn’t owe it to his or her roommates to check in. (“Hey, I’m over in [name of other dorm/college/state, or possibly Tijuana], and I might not be home tonight.”) But families are different. I am 47 years old, but when I leave the house, I let my wife know where I’m going and how long I think I might be out. If my plans change or I am running significantly late, I update her. That’s how families are supposed to operate. (At least, I think so.) It is my plan to tell my college-age children more or less this, and to suggest that if they don’t want to keep us apprised of their comings and goings, they are welcome to go get a landlord who will worry about them much less than I do.</p>
<p>I expect there will be conflicts over my expectations, but I don’t think they’re unreasonable, and I am hoping eventually to carry the day. Am I being hopelessly naive?</p>
<p>S2 informed me the other day he plans to skydive upon returning to school. Well, I did a little research and found that it is safer than horseback riding. And further, almost no skydiving rookies are seriously injured. It is typically the overconfident more experienced ones that end up having the trouble. Still, I almost wished he hadn’t told me.</p>
<p>Fullmom, I guess your experience is a reminder that we don’t always have all the answers, and that parenting is still an evolving process, even at this age. My daughters have heard me thinking over a dilemma, trying to figure out what a “good” parent would do (is beer pong okay if they are playing with water? Lol) and sometimes mistakes are made. We mean well… That has to count for something.</p>
<p>Sikorsky, I hate using the “I’m paying your tuition” card. My daughters are a part of our family and it’s just common courtesy to let someone know you won’t be home for dinner, the night, the weekend or whatever. For my daughter starting college, this summer she realized we aren’t asking her to ask for permission, but rather to keep us informed. I think she appreciates the difference. I also suggested she keep the same relationship with her roommate. Maybe more because the are girls, but I feel it’s a safety thing if she knows her roommate won’t be home at night, she won’t have to wonder in the morning if something happened to her, should she notify campus police or call around,etc if she sees the bed wasn’t slept in.</p>
<p>Fullmom I loved reading your thread…you just described my kid and the summer we just had. He too will be a soph this fall and it was an adjustment for me (not so much for DH) to have him around so little, out so late, etc. And what’s up with the skydiving? Is that the must-do college adventure these days because S has been talking about it for a year now. I’m sure one day he too will just inform me that he went and it was awesome! lol</p>
<p>You are so right about this parenting thing being an evolutionary process. Just when you think you have some things figured out, they challenge you once again to rethink your position. And let’s face it, they probably teach us more about ourselves than we can ever hope to teach them.</p>
<p>S2 is our adventure seeker, he has had a different energy than his older brother from the second he was born. First one had us thinking all children were even-tempered, happy go lucky and low maintenance. Then came #2 who has been testing our limits from day one! And I have to say, he is the one who has forced us both (but mainly me) to look deep inside and come up with reserves we never thought we had. Like you, these kids help us grow and broaden our horizons, even if we kick and scream the whole way! It’s hard work, but if you want a quality relationship, you have to bend and be flexible in your thinking. Rigid beliefs will get you no where especially with willful children who have minds of their own.</p>
<p>With that being said, I get what Sikorsky and JAM are saying about having certain expectations when living home. Asking him to let us know where he is and giving us an idea of when he will return does not seem unreasonable, in fact, he would expect the same of us if we were not coming home or going to be very late. But again, everyone has to find their own happy medium on the subject.</p>
<p>So it’s been an eventful summer here too! Take heart you are not alone! Love my adventurer more than words could ever describe, but still counting the days til he returns to school (8 days, 3 hours, 47 minutes) ;)</p>
<p>Fullmom - I LOVE your story. We are all grappling with our new lives and how to navigate our relationships with our “almost adults.” I am definitely going to remember how you handled this when I am faced with a similar situation - I know it is coming! Thank you for sharing.</p>