<p>Hi. I'm looking for some advice and suggestions.</p>
<p>I'm the mother of a 16-year-old high school Junior. My D has a three month old daughter. I watch my granddaughter everyday and try to do everything I can to help my D. She's a great daughter, a great mother and a great student. She's never missed a day of school for baby-related things. We're both very interested in her going to college. I plan to move with her wherever she goes to help with my granddaughter so she can focus on school. </p>
<p>So far, she's done great in HS:
3.96 GPA
Rank: 3/140 (Small, selective school)
Nov. SAT: 800 M, 790 CR, 740 W (2330)</p>
<p>My main questions are (answer any that you can, please!):</p>
<ul>
<li><p>What sorts of schools could she look at? We're open to anything geographically. She's chiefly interested in chemistry.</p></li>
<li><p>What schools allow freshmen to live off campus? She'll have to live with me and the baby.</p></li>
<li><p>Does she have to disclose that she has a baby?</p></li>
<li><p>Would the more selective schools be hesitant to accept her because of her baby?</p></li>
<li><p>Does anyone know anyone who's gone through a selective school with a baby?</p></li>
</ul>
<p>All comments are helpful. I don't know anyone who's approached the more selective colleges with a baby. Her school counselors are stumped. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I don't have any great advice for you. Most schools don't require any year to live on campus if the student is commuting from home, but I'm not sure how they determine "home." I'm assuming moving to the area would be sufficient since you'd have a house where you and your daughter would live (as well as your granddaughter). </p>
<p>Large state flagships are worth looking into. When I was applying to the University of Michigan, they asked whether I wanted to apply for "family housing," which is housing intended for students with children or spouses. I'm not sure whether under this type of deal you would be able to live with your daughter, but it's worth looking into. Then she would be in on campus housing where she could make friends with other students who have their own families; I believe a childcare option is also available. </p>
<p>If she has taken AP or IB courses, pay special attention to schools that are generous with granting credit. Then she could take a lighter course load and still be sure to graduate in four years and have time to spend with her daughter.</p>
<p>She does not need to say that she has a child while applying, though keep in mind that teachers may mention it in a recommendation or it may be communicated in other parts of the application (such as whether she missed the beginning of this school year for maternity leave). She will almost certainly have to disclose this on financial aid forms, if your family is applying for financial aid, but financial aid offices are usually separate from the admissions office. She may want to be open about the fact that she has a baby; personally, I think it's amazing that her GPA is as high as it is while caring for a child. It would also explain why any ECs from grades 9-11 were dropped for senior year.</p>
<p>If you're applying for financial aid, take some time to look over the forms now. I didn't apply for financial aid so I don't know much about the process, but I'm assuming that your situation will be more confusing than most, and you'll want to prepare yourself for whatever the likely financial aid packages will be. There may be scholarship organizations to help young women with babies attend college, so maybe keep an eye open for those.</p>
<p>Two friends of my son's have a baby at MIT (she got pregnant as a freshman). It has its advantages, apparently, in that day care is readily available on campus and they can live in the married students' housing (which was originally intended for graduate students) right on campus. </p>
<p>Your daughter's SAT scores are amazing and make her a candidate for any college out there. She might want to look at Smith--because Smith is known for taking the "non-traditional" student (which she is).</p>
<p>For no particular reason, I would think your daughter would be best off calling the admissions offices of schools that interest her and talking to them quite openly. If she is taking the child to school, she will need the school's cooperation; she might as well be upfront with them.</p>
<p>Schools that are small and known for being supportive, as well as good in chemistry, are:
Smith
Haverford
Bryn Mawr
Reed
Carleton
Bard</p>
<p>Wecome to the forum. I have no specific advice, but do agree that the fact that your D has continued to do so well in school with this additional responsibility is impressive. I imagine that college adcoms will take notice and consider this a special circumstance that can speak well for her maturity. </p>
<p>Please continue to keep the forum posted on her process.</p>
<p>I wonder if she might fit in better at a top university rather than a smaller, LAC type school? I'm thinking that because universities might have a larger number of more mature, more independent students in their population - because they are just broader in their student body. (And I just suggest that because I know lots of fairly young college kids who are parents at our community college, and they tend to just be more mature, focused, and independent than your typical private school undergrad. I really have no idea if that applies to your daughter or not.) Good luck and she's SO lucky to have you!</p>
<p>I also don't have any first hand advice, but I do want to offer your daughter my congratulations on a fine high school record. You sound like a fabulous support to her, and you all have worked mighty hard it appears! You don't mention where you are from or how college will be funded. I would suggest that your daughter at least consider her state flagship university. With the stats she has, she sounds like she would be a good candidate for an honors college program. Also, look at the scholarship guidelines there too. As someone else mentioned, your daughter may be considered a "non-traditional" student and sometimes there are other scholarships for these students as well. Re: housing, I'm assuming your daughter's home would be your home. That being the case, most schools do not have a residency requirement if the student is commuting from their parent's home. BUT some do...you would need to check. The flagship U might be a good choice because there are students with all kinds of families at large universities. Many have daycare facilities, and are quite "user friendly" to students with children.</p>
<p>
[quote]
For no particular reason, I would think your daughter would be best off calling the admissions offices of schools that interest her and talking to them quite openly. If she is taking the child to school, she will need the school's cooperation; she might as well be upfront with them.
[/quote]
This was my inclination as well, especially for schools that do not face this situation frequently (such as with smaller schools).</p>
<p>I also suggest Barnard has a fabulous chemistry dept. NYC has fabulous day care and a very sophisticated environment and housing in the nearby area.</p>
<p>I don't think rules apply to students with children. I think openness is the best policy; I think she'll have great financial aid opportunities if money is not plentiful.</p>
<p>It's nothing to be ashamed of. You must be very proud of your D; what an amazing record, and a wonderful grandchild too! All of you are very lucky.
NYC would also provide many opportunities for you.</p>
<p>That is really quite amazing that she has been able to keep up her GPA and get such great SAT scores along with being pregnant and taking care of a newborn. Obviously a very bright girl.</p>
<p>I don't believe that there is any need to "hide" the baby. It could actually show that she has been able to successfully juggle academics and parenthood. Besides, if she did not do any EC's in the past year, she would have the ultimate reason why not.</p>
<p>I congratulate you on having such a remarkable daughter. Her GPA and SATs put her in the running for just about any place. Finding a school that is sympathetic to her admittedly unusual situation and able to meet her needs is the key thing.</p>
<p>I would tend to agree that openness is the best policy: you don't want her to waste her time on places that don't know how to deal with her. Having attended a LAC as an undergrad and a university as a graduate student, I would also agree that larger universities would probably be a better fit than most LACs, since they tend to have students who are in a wider variety of life stages. I would think that that might give her more social options</p>
<p>She is also lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive mother.</p>
<p>I want to share something with you: my sister became pregnant her sophomore year of college. My mother told me that she had to admit that although concerned in many ways, she was also secretly thrilled. My sister and her boyfriend chose to marry. Although things haven't always been smooth, they are still married, and in fact happier than ever, 40 or so years later. And they have 4 children and a number of grandchildren. And they both graduated from top 10 universities.</p>
<p>Trust me, there are many of us who, though not diminishing the challenges faced by your and your daughter, are also envious of that grandchild!</p>
<p>At the risk of getting flamed into unrecognizable bits, I'd say - yeah, your daughter did amazingly in high school considering that she had to take care of her baby, but the fact that she got pregnant in HS, itself, is probably not something most colleges will lavish buckets of sympathy for. It's one thing to do well in HS while suffering from cancer or financial crisis or a divorce in the family (circumstances out of the HS student's control), but getting pregnant as a minor is still an immature decision, regardless of academic performance afterwards. So I'm not entirely sure how colleges will look upon the teen pregnancy, although I guess that most of the negative impression will be countered by the high grades. </p>
<p>Anyway, since everyone else is heaping on the praise, I thought I might play devil's advocate a little. What do others think about this?</p>
<p>I don't think college adcoms are in the business of making moral judgments. I think most would be admiring and sympathetic of the OP's daughter.</p>
<p>I think those who would react the way you describe might be very conservative institutions, which probably wouldn't be the best fit. </p>
<p>I couldn't agree more. It was a very, very immature decision. Is the father in the picture? So are you just going to follow your daughter wherever she goes. When she gets a job, are you going to follow her then?</p>
<p>
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I don't think college adcoms are in the business of making moral judgments. I think most would be admiring and sympathetic of the OP's daughter.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Admiring and sympathetic of the academic performance in spite of added responsibility, ABSOLUTELY. Admiring and sympathetic of the decision to have unprotected sex at age FOURTEEN or earlier - at a time when plenty of kids are just entering the dating scene - and then get pregnant and have a baby? I wouldn't be, and I'm a liberal 17yr old girl(not your 50's conservative) from a very open-minded area of the country. I'd imagine at least a few of the college adcoms are more conservatively minded than I am.</p>
<p>Additionally, I think college adcoms are in the business of making moral judgements and considering emotional maturity. Why else would someone who had smoked weed, hacked into the school system, started a fight, or stolen a car almost have no chance of getting into any college? The poor decisions we make can negatively affect our chances at college admission, even if they are not directly related to academic performance. If our records show that we've made irresponsible decisions, colleges have the right to make judgements based on that, and they do.</p>
<p>HOWEVER, what the academic performance SEEMS to show is that the daughter has matured since that reckless decision, which is a good thing. Hopefully, she feels that she made one bad mistake and, since she can't turn back time and fix it, she is now taking the situation in stride. The alternative is that the daughter feels teen pregnancy is A-OK and always has. And then there are other, worse alternatives...</p>
<p>I commend you and your D for bringing this child into the world and having the good sense to get her through school so she can care for this child instead of depending on others! Have you looked into Washington Univ. in St. Louis? Great school, a variety in type of students, affordable housing nearby. </p>
<p>Be sure to tell your D to keep up the good work!</p>
<p>I'd suggest that she look into larger and/or urban universities where living off-campus is not unusual and where it is more likely that day-care will be available for staff and students. Smaller LACs are wonderful, but they do expect people to live on-campus for the most part. They may not have the critical mass either to support day-care.</p>
<p>I agree with those who consider your D a wonderful student. She will be a competitive applicant at many places. She and you should discuss finances carefully. She should look into Honors programs at some of the larger public universities where she could also get some merit aid.</p>
<p>amb3r,
Not sure where 14 is coming from. I was 14, turned 15, 3 months into my freshman year. I also don't think it's fair of you to make assumptions about the circumstances involving the pregnancy, regarding protected sex or whatever. </p>
<p>
[quote]
Getting pregnant as a minor is still an immature decision
[/quote]
[quote]
I couldn't agree more. It was a very, very immature decision.
[/quote]
What's the immature decision? Most high school girls are sexually active. Many of these girls have had unprotected sex or have forgotten to take their pill or have just been unlucky (condom break, incorrect condom use, rape, etc.). </p>
<p>The thing is, usually high-performing or financially-comfortable girls take Plan B or get abortions. So this girl gets judged every day because she decided to keep her baby, while all those girls who took Plan B or got abortions can go off to Yale and their admissions counselors, roommate, friends, and parents remain clueless. </p>
<p>I think that the OP is doing the best she can to support her sixteen year old daughter right now. A 16 year old cannot succeed in school and raise a child alone. When the daughter's 18 and starting college, she still won't be able to take care of a toddler and succeed with a full course load. Both the OP and her daughter want the best for this baby, and if for their family that includes working together for the next several years so that the baby's mother can get college education and be the best provider she can be, then I think they're doing the best they can in a difficult situation. </p>
<p>All of the young women I know who are doing well with their babies and are looking at bright futures have significant support from their parents. None of these girls, by the way, were able to make it to college, though they are moving toward independence. One of the girls just moved halfway across the country with her husband, actually, who just returned from Iraq.</p>
<p>OP's daughter is 16 with a three month old baby. That means it's been a year since she got pregnant, setting her at 15. Sorry, 15, not 14. Fifteen year olds are typically between freshman and junior years.</p>
<p>
[quote]
The thing is, usually high-performing or financially-comfortable girls take Plan B or get abortions.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>What? I know a lot of high-performing and financially comfortable girls and none of them would consider sex before freshman year of college. Plan B and abortions wouldn't enter the picture...</p>
<p>Most of the girls I know who are interested in sex in high school are underachieving and place romance (the physical side of it) above academics/sports/music/whatever other passion.</p>