<p>The OP has asked for advice about college for her D, not for moral judgments.</p>
<p>"Most high school girls are sexually active. Many of these girls have had unprotected sex or have forgotten to take their pill or have just been unlucky (condom break, incorrect condom use, rape, etc.)"</p>
<p>I have to disagree with you that most high school girls are sexually active. I would say some, not most.</p>
<p>So if "most people" do it, is it right? So if most people speed, it is right for me to speed?</p>
<p>Not sure where the heck you're from amb3r, but a LOT of girls are sexually active in my HS, and lots of surrounding HS. Maybe your circle of friends is very conservative compared to the rest of the country, as the girls I know who are sexually active are certainly not underachievers or slackers.. I have sexually active friends in the top 3% of my class, etc. Saying that "Most of the girls I know who are interested in sex in high school are underachieving and not academically oriented" seems very closed-minded and rude, to be honest.</p>
<p>Marite, right. We got a bit off topic. The reason I've been talking about this is that I don't believe that college admissions officers make NO moral judgements. They can't just turn off the moral meter even if they are required to. Some, especially conservative admissions officers at elite schools where this situation is almost never encountered, may take special notice and make negative judgements that hurt the daughter's chance of admission, so I am raising that as a possibility.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Additionally, I think college adcoms are in the business of making moral judgements and considering emotional maturity. Why else would someone who had smoked weed, hacked into the school system, started a fight, or stolen a car almost have no chance of getting into any college?
[/quote]
These are all illegal. Most people would also consider them immoral, irrespective of their legality. Having sex is not illegal, is not unusual, and is not necessarily thought of as immoral except for from a religious standpoint. Needless to say, looking at an applicant by your own religious standards and rules is not part of the job description (with a few exceptions). I think it's disrespectful and offensive to compare sexually active teenagers with car thieves.</p>
<p>Let's keep this on topic, please.</p>
<p>I also think a larger urban college will have more resources to assist, but don't let that stop you from looking at a smaller environment. One thing to consider about moving is the impact of establishing "residency" in regards to tuition (if looking at a public university). </p>
<p>With your daughter's statistics, she is a strong candidate for most colleges and would be a strong candidate for merit scholarships.</p>
<p>As marite said, the OP is interested in college prospects, not discussion about pregnancy. We know absolutely nothing about the sircumstances surrounding the birth of OP's grandchild or the level of sexual activity of her daughter.</p>
<p>So what's going to happen after the daughter graduates from college? She has already made a huge mistake in her life. Is the mother going to keep following her and taking care of the baby? Where is the father? How are you going to financially support the baby?</p>
<p>Fellow CC'ers, lets not turn this thread into another abortion/Plan B debate! Take it to the Cafe, there is one already there. This is not what OP has asked for.</p>
<p>I think bigger school with multiple housing options or a women's college familiar with such non-traditional applicants will be a better choice than just a small LAC in the middle of nowhere.</p>
<p>A pat on the back to you for being so supportive of your D. A pat on the back to your D for being able to do well academically despite the stress of being a young mom.</p>
<p>I know someone who went to Wellesley in the 1970s after having a baby whom she left home in Texas with her mom. I know someone else who went to Beloit in the mid 70s after having a baby when she was 15. She left the baby in Chicago with her mom.</p>
<p>Noticing your D's high scores and her plans to major in chemistry makes me think that she's considering becoming a doctor. If so, she may wish to go to college somewhere that's close enough to home to commute to or to at least come home for weekends.</p>
<p>Why? Because it's much more difficult getting into med school than getting into college (I've seen recent statistics that about 60% of college students now get accepted to their first choice college), there's a good chance that she will have to move again to go to med school after college.</p>
<p>Given that any move is very stressful and would include in her and your situation having to find appropriate housing, medical care, childcare, friends and other emotional supports, getting used to a new area, and possibly finding employment for you if you have to work, it may be easiest for all of you if you stayed put for the next several years, and saved your move for when she goes to graduate or professional school.</p>
<p>Her grades, scores and work ethic are stellar, and even if the nearby colleges are not the kind of tier 1 colleges that would match her grades and scores, she still should be able to attain her career objectives as most people who got graduate and professional schools have not gone to places like Ivies.</p>
<p>I do not think that admissions officers will hold her having a child against her. Indeed, I think that it would be appropriate for her to write one of her college essays about her experiences as mother. </p>
<p>Some (though not most) colleges do require freshmen to live on campus. It may be possible that an exception would be made for her, but being the only freshman living off campus could hurt her ability to make friends and obtain other aspects of the college experience including being in study groups, etc. Consequently, if she decides she wants to live at home with you, she probably would be happier at a college in which she wasn't the only or one of the only freshmen living off campus.</p>
<p>At many larger universities, especially those with grad schools, there is child care available. My Mother took me to UCLA daycare in the early 60's after becoming pregnant in her Freshman year. </p>
<p>I would check out the websites of schools and see if they offer childcare. If you can't find the information online, I'd call the admissions office. These days, having a baby as a teen is a rarity in the halls of academia but I would not think it would unduly influence her acceptance to a college that she is qualified for. It's the ultimate EC IMO :-D</p>
<p>
Geez, what planet do you live on? (I did wait until I was a college freshman, but then I started college at age 16... so that doesn't count).</p>
<p>I'm sure that there are many girls who decide to wait, but "none would consider" is just naive.</p>
<p>To all the confused moms asking me what planet I come from:</p>
<p>Attitudes about teen sex have changed from the 70s to today, in my opinion. I think there is a general trend towards waiting a bit longer before going all the way.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Pregnancy. Recent declines in teen birthrates, then, are attributable to reductions in pregnancy rates. In the 1970s and early 1980s, the U.S. teen pregnancy rates rose. They remained steady through the 1980s, even as sexual activity among teens increased, due to improved contraceptive use among those teenagers who are sexually active. The rates declined 19% from 117 pregnancies per 1,000 women aged 15-19 in 1990 to 93 per 1,000 in 1997—the lowest rate in 20 years. The recent decline is particularly encouraging, because—as with the teen birthrate decline—all population groups followed a similar pattern, regardless of young women's age, marital status, race or ethnicity.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Souce: The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy: Trends in Teen Pregnancy</p>
<p>Sexual mores may come and go, but compassion and open mindedness are never out of style.</p>
<p>"These days, having a baby as a teen is a rarity in the halls of academia"</p>
<p>When I taught college, I had several students who had babies while in college. One not only graduated with honors, but ended up working immediately after college as an assistant press secretary for the state governor.</p>
<p>I think that college students with babies are more common now than they were when many of us were in college. Reason? It's more acceptable to be a single mother. Back in the "old days", in much of the country, being a single mother meant that a girl was kicked out of high school and may also have been kicked out of her family home -- if she decided to keep the baby instead of giving the child up for adoption or aborting her child. Those reactions to teen pregnancy are illegal now (when it comes to being kicked out of at least public schools), and society isn't as supportive of shunning teen moms as it used to be.</p>
<p>amb3r - the average age at which teens lose their virginity in the US is 17; most are still in high school at that age. Teen pregnancy rates don't have much to do with teens-having-sex rates -- if anything it is a testament to the wider availability of birth control and better dissemination of information. In fact, the passage you quoted says exactly that: 'even as sexual activity among teens increased, due to improved contraceptive use among those teenagers who are sexually active.'</p>
<p>At my d's high school condoms were distributed freely, along with info about how to use them and info about other birth control. I certainly don't remember anything like that being available at my high school; I also know, pregnancy issues aside, there's a much greater emphasis on "safe sex" these days than there was when I was in high school, long before the AIDS epidemic.</p>
<p>OP, it sounds like you and your D are doing your very best with a difficult situation. I wish you well in your desire to help your D get the best education possible, and raise your grandchild at the same time. This is a challanging scenario, and I admire you for stepping up.</p>
<p>I read amb3r's post with interest because I think the truth is there is a generation (and an attitude) still holding some power positions who would just as soon punish your daughter for having a baby at 16. These are the folks to worry about. No, I don't think your D deserves a medal for having a baby at an inopportune time, (ultimate EC, I don't think so!!) but the best thing for everyone involved is for her to get an education, and become independently functioning as a responsible, well-employed mom, ASAP. I think this thread is showing you the spectrum: those who think she's a hero, and those who refuse to acknowledge that any one of us could be a grandparent in short order. How we respond to these events, completely beyond our control, speaks volumes. Take care.</p>
<p>OP--as much as I would love to yenta about your daughter, I'm guessing you get enough of that. ;)</p>
<p>NY Times did a story on a girl who is graduating from Hofstra and she has a baby AND she's a varsity soccer player. She transferred to Hofstra after taking a year off of soccer because of pregnancy/delivery.</p>
<p>Don't know where you live, but it sounds like Hofstra was able to accomodate a varsity athlete who is a single mom. Maybe you should check it out.</p>
<p>We have no information about how the OP's daughter got pregnant. She may have chosen to have sex; she may not have chosen to have sex. We don't know. Not only is a little compassion in order, I think it would be reasonable to assume that her maturity level now is greater than it was at the time she got pregnant; my observation is that adcoms look for evidence of personal growth and increased judgement.</p>
<p>Mom2aMom, I agree with the other posters who feel that a larger university would be better than a LAC, because of the resources available for child care as well as social reasons. Your d. will probably be happier if she can make friends with older students or other commuting students whose first year college social lives do not revolve around late night parties -- and if she is going to live at home with you, I think she would be happier at a school with a significant number of commuting students so she doesn't feel like she is missing all the action because she doesn't live on campus. </p>
<p>Like Mythmom, my daughter is at Barnard and I am sure it would be a welcoming place for your d -- however, I have my doubts about NYC as far as your plan to move with your daughter and the baby. Housing is very expensive in NYC and you would have to make do with a small apartment -- and if your daughter is a high school junior now -- then by the time she graduates from college your granddaughter will be 6 years old. So you want to find the kind of community where you there are affordable homes or apartments, as well as good pre-schools and public schools; I'd think safety would be a concern too. There are many lovely college towns that are also ideal places for child-rearing. Since a large part of your daughter's life is also going to continue to be focused on your granddaughter, I think she will also be happier in a child-friendly community. (I love NY.... but big cities can be tough places to raise kids for a variety of reasons -- one reason I ended up moving to the burbs soon after the birth of my own daughter).</p>