College with a baby

<p>Campus Child Care Centers. ERIC Digest. </p>

<p>
[quote]
There has been a dramatic change since 1975 when 'virtually no campus child care)
centers existed' (LCER, 1988, p.12). Today, the number of campus child care centers is increasing to encompass the needs of a growing and diverse student and faculty population. Many college campuses are currently struggling to recruit and retain qualified faculty, staff, and students, many of whom are seeking work or education on campuses that offer quality, affordable childcare.

[/quote]

Campus</a> Child Care Centers. ERIC Digest.</p>

<p>Colleges with good daycare facilities are more likely to be accommodating to students with children. Hofstra sounds like a good option.</p>

<p>This the best advice that you should listen to.</p>

<p>Your daughter is EXTREMELY talented to have such a high SAT score and high GPA and having a baby. If she writes a college essay on it (she neeeeeeeds to do this.....struggles abt being a parent...how shes evolved as an individual..colleges will love this, its all abt individuality). Don't listen to this ********/crap abt irresponsible sex or whatever nonsense. Your daughter has a child, thats the end result so theres no need to debate what if etc.</p>

<p>In terms of colleges, I would let your daughter know that her baby should not be a restricting factor in where she goes. Someone as talented as ur daughter is a strong candidate (depending on what else she does in school) at amazing schools like the Ivies. For chemistry, MIT, Harvard, Columbia (NYC> actually they are very good at chem. and have good research opportunities), Duke all ring a bell. I would check out all the ivies and don't let chemistry be another restricting factor. let me put it this way....at any of these top notch schools she'll learn chem from the best...thats why they are the top schools in the country.</p>

<p>Good luck with everything!</p>

<p>I would be surprised if this was not a troll: she joined this month with one post and has not posted since she started the thread.</p>

<p>I just want to thank everyone who gave advice. My D read over the posts and was so enlightened by most of them. She's so used to people doubting her goals and her ability to achieve that the positive comments really lifted her spirits and gave her the hope she really needs.</p>

<p>Just to address a few of the things raised:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>I'm really not looking for moral judgment, but I understand why many of you were quick to give it. My daughter wasn't completely in control of her becoming pregnant. That said, it wouldn't make a difference to me if she was. I've met many girls her age who were foolish or careless who are, nonetheless, amazing mothers. Most teenagers make small mistakes. Most of such mistakes don't have such large ramifications.</p></li>
<li><p>RE insomniatic: I've heard from many people that my D should assume more of the responsibility of raising her child. As I see it, it's best for her, my granddaughter and myself if I help my D now as much as possible so she can best help herself, and her daughter, in the future.</p></li>
<li><p>We live in Oregon. While my D will certainly look at OSU, it's not exactly her dream school. Financial aid would certainly help and I suspect we can qualify for some, although, if we sold our house and moved to a cheaper area, she could probably get by without it.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>Again, thanks for all the comments! Any others would be helpful! I'm compiling them all into a big list for D to flip through.</p>

<p>ProSlayer, many, many posters come to CC to get an answer to a specific question or concern. Some of these people turn into regular posters. Others disappear. As to the fact that she hasn't posted since starting the thread, it has only been, what, four hours? Not everyone is tied to a computer the way some CC posters are--myself included. :)</p>

<p>EDIT: Cross posted with the OP herself. Your daughter sounds like an amazing girl. So do you, as a matter of fact. You should take a close look at the financial aid forms now to see how they treat college applicants with dependents. I think that things will turn out well. Please keep posting on CC. It can be a great resource.</p>

<p>Proslayer, I would get a new name to post this thread for privacy purpose, don't you think.</p>

<p>OP, kudos to your daughter for maintaining high GPA and obtaining high SAT score. My D has trouble with her schedule even with just herself. I personally think your daughter will be able to get into a lot of excellent colleges.</p>

<p>It may make the best sense to stay in the Pacific Northwest where housing would be less expensive than in the Northeast.
There are some excellent schools in Oregon that may meet your D's needs. Reed (would top my list); Lewis & Clark;Willamette, all in the Portland area; the University of Oregon at Eugene. There are other excellent schools in neighboring Washington State as well. Maybe you could start looking into those.</p>

<p>There are several things to consider and weigh:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>First, for financial aid purposes, students with children are usually considered independent students, and thus may receive more financial aid if they are NOT living with or being supported by a parent. DO have your daughter research this so she can get a clearer sense of how the financial side of things will play out.</p></li>
<li><p>Second, as much as you want to help you daughter, giving up your OWN life to help her daughter may not be the best move for you, your daughter or your grandchild. At some point, her daughter, just like any young adult, will need to assume responsibility for her own life, and that of her child.</p></li>
<li><p>There are a number of universities and a few liberal arts colleges that have programs set up specifically to support students with parents. However, moving half way across the country for college may not be the best plan for a single parent, even if their parent plans to accompany them. It is not a bad plan to look for local college opportunities first if only because it involves less change for the single parent and, most importanly, the child.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>A friend of my daughter's found herself in a similar situation. Ironically, right before she found out she was pregnant, she had been admitted to some of the top universities in the country. Her pregnancy changed her plans. She graduated from high school and has continued to live with her mother (neither she nor her mother are on welfare, by the way) while she attends a local community college part-time and works part-time. </p>

<p>Her plan is to transfer to a local four year university after completing her basic courses at the community college and saving some money. She feels at that point her son will be old enough for daycare and she'll have enough money saved in order to move into her own apartment with her son, rather than continue living with her mother. She feels strongly that she needs to start an independent life for herself and her son, and not continue to rely on her mother.</p>

<p>She has investigated housing availability for parents at a number of universities, but she's decided that her priority right now (and the next 18 years) is doing what is best for her son. That certainly includes getting her college degree, but she recognizes that she can get a college degree close to home as well as half way across the country and still be ahead of the game. I think that is a realistic plan, especially as she is trying very hard to keep her baby's father and HIS parents involved in her son's life. Moving far away will eliminate that possibility.</p>

<p>So, my advice would be to begin with what is available locally before uprooting yourself (and your grandson) to move to a new life thousands of miles away for a few short years. While that plan may not be what you dreamed of for your child, those dreams have now changed and keeping stability in the life of your grandchild may turn out to be preferable to moving just to attend a more prestigious school, assuming, of course, that good educational opportunities are available locally.</p>

<p>If your daughter wishes to look into some other options, have her do this: go to google, hit google advanced. Do a search for the term students with children limiting the domain to .edu. That will turn up several pages of programs at various colleges across the country for student parents. She can then sort through her options and decide what will be best for her child and herself. I would suggest that, when single parent support groups exist on a campus (as they do on many campuses), she contact that group and ask to speak with some parents about what support is available, the availability and cost of daycare, financial aid issues, etc. and compare all of that to what is available locally. </p>

<p>My daughter's friend made a very tough decision, but I applaud her mother for stepping up to the plate and supporting her in the decision that was right for HER, at the time. Moral issues aside, we deal with what is before us, and each makes their own choices in life. Good luck to your daughter as she walks this very challenging path.</p>

<p>


A girl that my daughter grew up with was raped at age 15. She had a hard time overcoming that - she dropped out of high school and needed some counseling; but then took her GED at around age 16 and enrolled at the community college - the last time I talked to her mom she was doing well. Fortunately, the rape did not result in pregnancy.... but what if it had? Where do you get off assuming that this pregnancy was not a result of rape or coerced sex?</p>

<p>I responded to the OP's pm and apologized. I wish she would have stated the whole story in the original post. Then, I would have agreed that she hurlded over a huge obstacle.</p>

<p>I second Marite's post about Reed. I'm a chemist, and I worked with a couple of folks who got their undregrad at Reed - they were well versed in chemistry. From what the OP said, her D is very capable of handling the rigor of a college like Reed.</p>

<p>I am sorry - I see that the original poster cross-posted with me. If the daughter is wants to move, and the mother is willing, then please focus on my last suggestion. There are many universities with student housing, student parent support services, on campus daycare, etc. and using google advanced in the way I suggested would be the first step in finding them.</p>

<p>insomniatic - I hope to God you someday aren't a victim of a crime. Not saying this was one or not, but your blanket statement shows such a lack of sensitivity for victims. Everyone is a victim at some point in their lives - it's what they do with that experience that shows their true character. This girl and her mom have shown great character, thought, motivation, courage and dedication.</p>

<p>Back to the OP's situation. I agree with those who have said the larger universities might be better prepared with resources for single moms; however, I wouldn't rule out a small LAC completely. Several years ago, a girl from our church got pregnant during her senior year, and was due in August before starting college. Her parents valued education very highly, and this girl had many academic as well as extra curricular successes in high school. The girl decided to continue with her college plans, but chose a small, local Christian based college. I remember when I found out how shocked I was, and asked the parents how their daughter was being received from the student body and faculty. They said the school was amazing, they understood that, while they obviously support abstinence, once the baby was here, the school wanted to fully support this girl's decision to get an education, and did so. The girl went on to get a double major; during college, she met a wonderful guy, they married, and quickly had two other kids. They are both very active in their church, and she is admired for her courage to turn things around. It's about what we do about our behavior after our mistakes that tells people who you are. </p>

<p>D2 also has a friend who is pregnant (in fact I attended a baby shower today for her), having just turned 18. She will be living at home for a couple of years taking classes at our local community college - her father will take on legal guardianship for the baby until the baby's father graduates college, then his financial responsibility will kick in. There has been some talk of the girl's mother eventually relocating with the daughter to another state where daughter was originally accepted to school after community college, so the girl can get her four-year degree (which in nursing, provides more opportunity for advancement). I applaud these parents for not turning their backs on their daughter (although interestingly, the baby's daddy's parents are doing everything in their power to discourage their son from being in the baby's life and he is happily off at college now five hours away). </p>

<p>In all three of these situations, who's going to benefit ten years from now? The baby, because their moms and dads (where applicable) have the courage to take the more difficult path, but the one with the most integrity.</p>

<p>I also thought it was incredibly judgmental that someone suggested the OP's daughter was probably already on welfare. Both of the families I knew about had nothing to do with welfare. However, when my husband was in grad school, I got pregnant with our first child. I was in between jobs, and we decided if we could, I was going to stay home with the baby, seeing that my getting a job with the knowledge we'd be moving less than a couple of years after the baby was born, was not in everyone's best interest. So while we never went on welfare, I did participate in the WIC program. Since I nursed my baby, I saved the WIC program money by not taking any formula from them - what they provided was some staples (milk, juice, peanut butter, eggs) for me so that my nutrition would be sufficient to continue nursing the baby. So don't assume that everyone who is on welfare is out to manipulate your beloved tax dollar. There are people, who temporarily need a little help, a little support, a little umph to get past a rough time, then manage to do very well. I know that in my situation, the taxes we have paid over the years have more than covered what I was given through WIC.</p>

<p>Insomniatic:</p>

<p>Who is immature? The OP does not owe you or anyone else her life's story or her D's life story. Don't blame her for your own lack of manners and your eagerness to sit in judgment.</p>

<p>Why is everybody now assuming that the daughter was the victim of a crime rape (evidenced by teriwtt referring to her as 'victim')? There's no need to assume the worst. It doesn't actually matter why she had sex, whether it was committal or noncommittal. She's stuck in this situation, and needs a solution. Jumping to that conclusion is unnecessary, especially when the OP posted that the pregnancy was somewhat out of the control of the daughter, and rape would be a circumstance completely out of the victim's control. Instead of focusing on the HOW of the story, when we DON'T know whether it was a rape or whether there was a consensus and the protection failed or was forgotten, let's focus on giving advice as best we can. The rest is irrelevant and should not be dwelt on, because it's not constructive to the OP and her daughter.</p>

<p>I was not referring to the OP's daughter when I mentioned victim. I was trying to illustrate to insomniatic that people have things happen to them (whether it's a crime or not - which is why I specified that) that create circumstances that make life difficult. Insomniatic insinuated that everyone should be in control all the time, and if you're not, then don't ask for handouts. Insomniatic was giving advice based on some assumptions that were not only none of their business, but were incorrect. Many people who jump to conclusions like this have little ability to show sensitivity, and I was just saying I hope this poster never has something bad happen to them, and have people jump to conclusions that result in such harsh statements.</p>

<p>Since my post (and others), insomniatic has offered amends, but I still hold to my belief that jumping to conclusions was way off base. The OP owed no more information than she was comfortable offering, but due to some posts, she felt she needed to clarify things. I was frustrated that insomniatic was failing to acknowledge the daughter's remarkable achievements and was quick to stereotype her.... which is why I felt the comments were insensitive.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Since my post (and others), insomniatic has offered amends, but I still hold to my belief that jumping to conclusions was way off base. The OP owed no more information than she was comfortable offering, but due to some posts, she felt she needed to clarify things.

[/quote]
I agree. I feel very uncomfortable with parts of this thread since I feel like the OP felt forced to say things about their situation that she should not have needed to share. She needed to fight an uphill battle just to get a standard of respect from Insomniatic, a standard of respect that should have been assumed. She was treated by some posters as if she needed to give details of their specific situation in order to deserve advice and basic courtesy.</p>

<p>I don't think that people are assuming the worst. Instead, they are reacting to the fact that you and especially Insomniatic assumed the opposite, which is a position with the potential to do infinitely more harm than the former.</p>

<p>I realize that Insomniatic apologized, but I do not feel like he apologized for the right things.</p>

<p>I left home when I was 17 due to abuse, and had to miss a great deal of my senior year. I did graduate because I came in to take my exams at the last minute. A couple of years later, I was a cashier with a baby, leaving a relationship of violence again.</p>

<p>I started college when I was 20 and had a 10 month old baby. I had no family support and I was on welfare, living in an inner city cheap apartment, with no car.</p>

<p>I started at the community college because I did not have confidence in my abilities, and because they had daycare at the campus. I took the bus with my baby, stroller, diaper bag, etc..</p>

<p>I soon realized that I was no moron.... I decided to major in business, because my sole focus was on the highest paying job out of school.</p>

<p>Two years later, I graduated with a 3.98 and 5 scholarships to the University's Business/Accounting program. I was admitted to the EOP program because I was poor and because my high school grades had been in the high 80's. But because of my community college GPA, I was also one of the only transfer students that year to win a spot in the Honors Program! That had never happened before -- EOP and Honors.</p>

<p>I did not get to reap the benefits of the Honors Program's special housing, because campus housing was not meant to house a baby. No matter, I had a cheap apartment. But I did have to get a car. In comes student loans. </p>

<p>I enrolled my daughter, who was then about 2.5 years old, in on site daycare center. At the end of 2 years, I had my BS in Accounting with about a 3.43 GPA. </p>

<p>I went and looked for jobs, and was offered $7 an hour! That would have meant food stamps and Medicaid indefinitely. </p>

<p>So I applied to law school and management school. Although I had daycare, and my child was actually getting ready to go to school, I knew that I needed my mom sometimes when she got sick. So the local university was my only option. I actually got waitlisted at the law school, but never one to be deterred, I appealed to the Dean, who was also a single mom. I was ultimately accepted for a joint JD/MBA degree.</p>

<p>I finished law school when my daughter was 7.5 years old, and I married a man that I had met my first year of law school about 6 months later.</p>

<p>There were still bumps in the road. I got pregnant right out of law school and the baby needed a lot of care, he just was too sick in daycare. So I started my own legal research company. I also went through difficulty trying to pass the bar with the struggles of the children and running a new business. </p>

<p>However, I was very good at what I did. By the time that I was admitted, I had such a reputation for writing winning motions and briefs that I could have worked at any firm in my city. I tried the big firm life, but I had not worked so hard to have to slave for 70 hours and never see my kids.</p>

<p>Additionally, my husband got cancer, and this caused me to seriously think of the kind of life that we needed to have.</p>

<p>I now work from a home office, and while I do not have the income that I desire, I do enjoy what I do, and I am able to also be there for my children and husband. </p>

<p>One thing that I have always said --- having my daughter saved my life. My mother stayed in a violent relationship with my father and it drove me from home. (Although she did leave my father a few weeks later). Loneliness and low self-esteem led me into the arms of a young man who then abused me. I did not love myself enough to leave that violent relationship, I had begun to believe that "it must be me". But when I had my child, I loved her enough to know that I could not choose that life for her. And so I threw him out, enrolled in college, and never looked back. </p>

<p>Today, she is a beautiful young woman, now applying to college herself.</p>

<p>After rereading this thread, I see a lot of negative comments. I just want to say that I had many letters of rec by my professors because I had achieved such high grades as a single mom. If anything, I think that the situation helped me get into the University.</p>

<p>Also, on the issue of parental help. I basically had none. As a result, I have very heavy student loan debt now for the years of paying for an apartment, food, childcare, and school medical insurance. </p>

<p>If the truth be told, with parental help, I could have probably gone to an Ivy League college. I'm that intelligent. But the strain of doing it all alone dragged me down. I had trouble participating in group projects, I couldn't enjoy the "campus experience", etc.. With true parental support, I could have gone to a better college, done a lot of things.</p>

<p>When I went for my first interview, the boss said "Your grades are excellent. But you didn't work? You didn't do internships? No law review? No moot court?" and left it hanging. So I had to say "It may seem more impressive when you know that I achieved those grades while raising a child as a single parent.</p>

<p>whatapainthisis - I agree with you (not that I can disagree with events that happened), but I have to think that most colleges would be thrilled to have someone who has managed to achieve what this young girl has achieved... WHILE RAISING A CHILD! Most kids don't have successes like yours and the OP's daughter without the added responsibility and stress of raising a child alone. If I were the adcom, looking at yours and the OP's daughters applications and saw the rank, grades, etc., and the single parenthood, I'd be thinking this student is obviously very, very serious about getting an education, and probably shows more character in trying to make it work than other students for whom life has been relatively easy (like my own daughters). And for schools that are looking for true diversity, solid four-year colleges probably don't get a lot of student applications like yours and OP's daughter, and realize that these kids have a lot to offer their schools.</p>