<p>Wise words.^^^^^^^ But sometimes unavoidable. My girl fell in love with her school at 10. Thank goodness providence was on our side.</p>
<p>There are many ways to skin this cat. We do the best we can.</p>
<p>Because of complicated circumstances I won’t recount here, I decided to go to college in August after my junior year. Scrambling, got paperwork together, and found there were only two colleges of any academic substance willing to take me – two SUNY univis. One had housing; the other didn’t. That’s the one I attended. I went sight unseen. I was thrilled to be in college.</p>
<p>Was it a “fit”? Probably not. </p>
<p>Did I love it? I didn’t know anything else.</p>
<p>Academically successful? Magma cum laude, honors in my discipline, I got a PhD. </p>
<p>Was there anything special or glamorous about it? No. But I did meet my first husband, a host of friends and an academic mentor.</p>
<p>My point? Well I wouldn’t recommend my experience, and my kids didn’t duplicate it, but it’s true that many students bloom in many soils.</p>
<p>I was about to ask … so if parking would have been free … all good right? But that ‘rings home.’ After graduation, I noticed my mom writing a check to my sister’s alma mater years after her graduation. She said that she donated money to the school every year. I asked her whether she did the same for my school. She said no and chuckled in a way that suggested that the very question of that happening was absurd to her. I asked her why not. She said that when we came to visit the school for the first time she was upset that there wasn’t parking reserved for visitors. </p>
<p>I said ‘Mom, it’s Boston, parking is tight in the city. Of course they had parking in Worcester (where my sister went to school), anybody with any sense is trying to leave and come to Boston.’ </p>
<p>She wasn’t having it and never gave them an additional dime.</p>
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<p>Ah, so she ended up in Rhode Island. [rimshot]</p>
<p>When I went for the campus overnight at my reach school (back in the day) the girls I was put with were very odd. I ended up getting in off the waitlist and giving it a shot anyway. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happenned to me. Wonderful college experience. You never know…</p>
<p>“She said that when we came to visit the school for the first time she was upset that there wasn’t parking reserved for visitors.”</p>
<p>Lord, was this an issue when I used to answer the phone at Harvard. People would call every morning asking for driving directions to the admissions office. We would say, “Don’t drive here, there’s nowhere to park in the summer. Here are directions to X, where you can park and take the train.” It went in one ear and out the other. People could not accept the concept of leaving their cars. “We’re driving. Just tell me how to get there.” So I did.</p>
<p>Every single time, at least one family misses the info session, and at the start of my tour, they tell me with shock: “We drove around for an hour! There’s nowhere to park!” Right, that’s why I told you that on the phone. (No, I didn’t say that. I smiled and apologized and said “We’re glad you made it.”)</p>
<p>What appears to be- “on paper”- is very different from the culture at an institution. H and I figured that if we, along with our duaghter, were going to be plopping down some serious $, then it paid to have our daughter visit ahead of time. At the very least, I would suggest visiting those schools to which the student has been admitted, as a way to make a final decision.</p>
<p>Having said that, our daughter did eliminate Middlebury after visiting. On “paper” the school seemed a perfect match with her interests. The reality of the school and attitudes exhibited by students totally turned her off. She didn’t even apply. Saved on co$t of application fees!</p>
<p>MM, the notion is to visit and find fits but not to fall irrevocably in love with any one college until acceptances. Though D had some incredible luck in that regard: her #2 which became her #1 after EA results was a near-Safety. CC’s Sally Rubenstone said, “She’ll pirouette (in lieu of waltzing) right into there.”</p>
<p>The Dad I believe mythmom was simply trying to point out that if a visit is unlikely or impossible that is not the death knell for a student’s experience. </p>
<p>Visits are good and important but many of our generation didn’t go on any/many and we bloomed in that soil anyway.</p>
<p>I applied sight unseen to UCSB and UCSD because they met my criteria… “UC campus with a beach close by” I also applied to UCSC which was my older brothers campus. I had been on campus before but never to a formal info session or anything like a tour. I was all set for Santa Barbara when at the 11th hour my dad convinced me to go to UCSC instead. I had no strong pull either way and though I had a fabulous time at Santa Cruz I know I would have been happy at either of the other campuses too.</p>
<p>Visiting so many schools is a construct for our children’s generation. Lots and lots of people our age and older attended campuses they had never previously set foot on.</p>
<p>Dd (Freshman this year) wanted to attend college on the west coast. These are the schools she visited during Spring break of her junior year:</p>
<p>University of Puget Sound - applied and accepted
Reed - crossed off her list after visiting
Lewis & Clark - applied and accepted
Evergreen State College - applied and accepted
Occidental - loved the school, didn’t like the area so crossed it off her list</p>
<p>She also applied to Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, FL without visiting and was accepted. She finally visited the campus about a week before final decision was due and handed them her deposit check on the spot.</p>
<p>HM, for many students, visiting won’t change a thing but for others it is vital. Fwiw, I went to UCSB back in the day. I wish I had been far far more thoughtful in my approach to colleges, major, and just about everything else. Until you’ve seen someone absolutely “click” with the right fit, it may be difficult to understand. My D at her college and one of her friends at U/Chicago two cases in point but I’ve met many many students by this time who had the “click” experience. </p>
<p>There’s a difference between “good enough” and “better.”</p>
<p>Pizza & MS, I am sometimes reminded that the Chinese character (or so I’m told) for “chaos” is “two women under one roof.”</p>
<p>Not that, as a thought experiment, there are some configurations that I would have found attractive and plausible. (IRL, I don’t have enough Ricky Ricardo in me to try pulling it off, i.e., “Listen, dear, I can 'splain.”) </p>
<p>I’ve known two triads, one MFM, one FMF. Both worked as well as the typical marriage, which is to say that one worked well until the death of one partner and the other worked well for 15 years or so and then experienced a spectacular divorce. The two children of the latter relationship were as well adjusted or not as the average children matched for socio-economic and other factors.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose household when she was growing up consisted of mom, dad, dad’s girlfriend and their kid. Dad had a schedule on the refrigerator of where he would be on what night. The 1960’s, a special time. There were others and they are all friendly. Thanksgiving dinner is very large and ‘diverse.’</p>
<p>TheDad, my son told me about the character for “chaos,” too. Funny stuff!</p>
<p>As for threesomes, well, I have always just known that if I value my manhood, I may as well forget about it. Not that I would have ever considered it in the first place. (Last sentence in case anyone is looking over my shoulder.)</p>
<p>Hanna, now they at least tell you about the parking garages. I have to admit I liked the campuses that had free parking, or parking passes for their garages better than the ones that made you fork over big bucks for parking (Tufts and GW).</p>
<p>I always thought the value of threesomes was splitting the grunt work – haha, not what I meant – I meant the household chores. Now that I’ve reached this age, I just don’t do the chores. Hey – it all worked out!!!</p>
<p>TheDad: Your D’s experience is certainly ideal. Not arguing against that.</p>
<p>Historymom was right. Just saying that not eveyone gets that, and it turns out okay.</p>
<p>I am still trying to figure out if I hadn’t gone to college unexpectedly when I did but had spent time figuring things where I’d have gone. Not a clue.</p>