<p>Recently i told my dad that i got waitlisted to v tech. After telling him though he got furious that ur life is now over since i didnt get into a good college. Someone with same stat as me got in but for some reason i didnt. And being korean my dad is saying that all the other korean got in but u didnt so u lived ur life for nothing. He said that i should just go work instead of going to college because from now on ur life is goin to be all about suffering working labors. I got in to jmu but he saids that there is no point if u didnt even get into tech an that i wont do well at jmu anyway. And when ever i study he is like why are u studying its already over for u since u didntger into tech. So what should i do to cheer my dad up.... Or make him less angry over this</p>
<p>I wonder if the asian parents of these kids are yelling at them.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1116437-story-my-3-asian-classmates-1-friend-my-area-including-myself.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1116437-story-my-3-asian-classmates-1-friend-my-area-including-myself.html</a></p>
<p>Your tiger dad needs to chill.
There are many roads to success and half the fun is in getting there.
Old Korean saying, well the American version anyway!</p>
<p>Yes… They do still yell at their kids especially my dad</p>
<p>Does he know about the opportunities available for transfer students? If not, you should do some research on transferring into VT from either JMU or a CC and present your findings to him. Virginia has a very good CC system.</p>
<p>Some people are insufferable. Smile and nod and try to tune out the negativity. It’s not a good trait in people. I don’t know what you can do to cheer up your dad but good for you for thinking about this from the perspective of cheering him up. Perhaps have him read the alumni magazines from jmu. The alumni magazines are usually posted to the website or e-mail the college and ask them to send you a recent one. Every alumni magazine generally has stories or anecdotes about what the graduates are doing. Perhaps seeing that graduates from jmu do THRIVE will make him feel better. Best of luck in college and yes, again good for you…do keep studying!</p>
<p>My son’s best friend is a Korean national and his parents sound a lot like yours. They expected their son to get into UVA or Cornell and he was not accepted to either one. He will be going to our state flagship in the honors program for engineering. His parents were very angry and very disappointed in him. But they just went to a reception for the honors kids and they came home very impressed and according to my son, there is now peace in the family. Has your dad visited JMU? He might change his mind if he were to meet with some professors. </p>
<p>Maybe some of his anger is that he feels like HE is the one who failed. Hang in there and continue to do the best you can. You will be attending an awesome school.</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>You can still try to get off the waitlist. Email the admissions office indicating your strong interest to be on the waitlist, and provide updates on any new achievements you have done since submitting your application.</p>
<p>This year was a very difficult year for college admissions. Many kids than usual applied. </p>
<p>If you choose not to request to be on the waitlist, then make the best of your time at JMU. The idea of going to community college and transferring to VT is a good option as well. I guess the thing you will need to determine is whether your parents will pay for you to attend JMU. Hopefully your mom is more supportive than Dad is?</p>
<p>Please keep us posted on your progress</p>
<p>wjdgotjd07, I’m so sorry because your father is being abusive. Do not, under any circumstances, believe that you aren’t going to be successful in college and end up with a satisfying career and a good life. There is no shame in not being admitted to VTech. Lots of very talented students weren’t and being waitlisted means they thought you were qualified, but they didn’t have space. The way your dad is expressing his anger says much more about him than it does about you. You can’t ‘make’ someone be less angry, but you can decide that their anger is inappropriate and you aren’t going to take it personally. (I too hope your mother is being more supportive. Remember, if he is being abusive with you, he may also be verbally abusive to her, which may keep her from defending you as she ought to.)</p>
<p>Assuming you want to go to VTech, prepare an update for your file, expressing the fact that they are your first choice. Find out what percent of kids they admitted from the waitlist last year. A call from your high school guidance counselor may help.</p>
<p>Is there a way for me to improve my chances of getting off the wait list if anyone knows please tell me ^^.</p>
<p>Thank you for taking your time to read.</p>
<p>wjd - Personally I’d choose JMU over VTech, but that’s just me. Not only is the JMU Science and Technology campus new/impressive, but 60% of JMU students are um, the gender that you’re not … and really pretty. Just saying. Has your Dad seen the JMU Science and Technology campus?</p>
<p>PS, If you haven’t already sent VTech admissions your “If you accept me I will attend” letter, get that started right away. Make sure it’s perfect … good spelling, grammar, etc.</p>
<p>I’m sure you have a few acceptances that many kids would love to have. JMU is a great school VA has a number of great schools. Start focusing on the ones that accepted you and make your plans for studying there. </p>
<p>I’m sorry your father is taking this hard.</p>
<p>Don’t count on getting off of any waitlists. It’s been a rough year for admissions all over. Fathers can be harsh on sons, there’s not much you can do to make them listen or be realistic. Ignore the negatives and concentrate on enjoying the anticipation of going away to college. Next fall you will get to study and learn to the best of your ability. Each year makes your father’s opinions less important as well as gives him time to mellow. If YOU really want to go to V Tech you can apply for a transfer with a good record at your college (just don’t tell you father about this possibility or that you are doing it to avoid complications if you choose not to or don’t get in).</p>
<p>You might read CNN’s Lac Su’s Jan 20 piece on how Asian parents can leave life long scars:</p>
<p>[‘Tiger</a> Mothers’ leave lifelong scars - CNN](<a href=“http://articles.cnn.com/2011-01-20/opinion/lac.su.tiger.mother.scars_1_parenting-stupidity-daughters?_s=PM:OPINION]'Tiger”>http://articles.cnn.com/2011-01-20/opinion/lac.su.tiger.mother.scars_1_parenting-stupidity-daughters?_s=PM:OPINION)</p>
<p>Your father is poisoning your life. Let him know that there are better ways to be a family than to yell at one another. You might also look at Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. </p>
<p>Many, many people take a little extra time to reach their full potential. Work hard but also know that you may need to target yourself a bit to be outstanding (that is, you may not be outstanding in everything – but there will be some areas where you are very strong – focus on those and what makes you happy. That way leads to a happy, strong life.
Good luck</p>
<p>It’s nice that you want to make your father happier about the situation. It’s even more wonderful if you 1) don’t let his rottenness upset you too much and 2) don’t pass it along to your kids. You’ve done quite well and your life is by no means over. You’ve got a great future ahead of you - don’t let him ruin it. Good luck.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry your father is being unsupportive. Virginia tech didn’t touch their wait-list last year. I am assuming your are a Virginia resident. Admissions in state are very regional. Students from high achieving high schools need higher stats than elsewhere in the state. There’s no getting around it. JMU is a great school, and actually preferred to VT by many area students. VT is a great school, but it is NOT the only place to get a good education in Va. Not by a long shot! </p>
<p>Certainly contact VT with updated interest, third quarter grades to show continued success, and let them know about any new achievements and awards. From there I would focus on JMU. Asking your father to visit with you, understanding that only HE can change his attitude. It may help for him to see what a great experience you will have and how happy you are about it.</p>
<p>What he’s doing is not fair, but you can’t change him. What you CAN control is your own attitude and how you feel about your future. I would not discuss transferring at a later date with your father. It may calm him initially, however it may only serve to delay another episode of the same behavior if you A) choose to stay at your chosen university (very, very common! People fall in love with their schools!), or B) if you don’t get accepted as a transfer student next year. I honestly feel it’s better if he makes peace with your decision. If you choose to apply for transfer next year you may want to keep it to yourself until you know the outcome. Should you have to do it this way? No, but you have to take care of yourself and approach this in a way that will bring YOU the most peace.</p>
<p>My most sincere congratulations on your acceptance to JMU!!</p>
<p>The job market out here in Silicon Valley, CA is coming back on track, especially for young people strong in engineering and science. With the right degree from JMU, you can come out west and make more money than your dad in a few years. This is definitely not the end of your future.</p>
<p>If JMU offers an open house and your father is willing to come, you might suggest that he visit some sessions on career opportunities after graduation. That might make him feel better about the school. Right now he’s mourning the loss of a vision he’d held, where you’d graduate from Virginia Tech and immediately land some job near home. He’ll move through the stages of grief – anger is one of the early stages. Try to be patient.</p>
<p>In the meantime, congratulations on your acceptance! If you make the most of the opportunities at your school, you will do well.</p>
<p>Your father is wrong and is abusive. He is the example of what you do not want to do to your son or daughter. Perhaps you can forgive his ignorance if you can make excuses for him based on his life history. </p>
<p>Try not to absorb this poison in your system. You have been admitted to a great college that is in high demand and sadly many northern Virginians can’t get their sons or daughters into James Madison. </p>
<p>Find the joy in your admission by paradoxing everybody. When you arrive, be open hearted and make friends and do not talk about VA Tech as your first choice. Do very well in your classes and join some community service group or activity of some kind. Build a resume that shows you contribute to JMU and mind your grades and avoid “freshman follies” that all kids are vulnerable to when only 18-19. Use the campus counseling system if you need to get some things off your back and reframe your parental pressure…you might feel immense relief just seeing the free college counselor four or five times. </p>
<p>After you give JMU you best from your heart and mind, if your grades are good, consider putting in for a transfer. Va Tech is not a better college than JMU across the board at all…JMU leads in many departments so you will come to find out more about JMU as you get oriented and settled in there. You have no obligation whatsoever to transfer from JMU but if your transcript is good, that option is there for you possibly. </p>
<p>Tell your father you will make him proud of you and then try to imagine your father with a bandage around his head the next time he verbally abuses you. He is not well. He is speaking from a distorted view of life. You are young and have so much potential for happiness and for being useful in the work force. Give your school your love and attention and believe in yourself and in your future freedom to define your own life.</p>
<p>I am not Asian, I am an American of Northern European descent, but I am a father of two boys, one in college now and one starting this fall. We fathers often want to live our lives again through our sons and have them achieve the things we were unable to achieve. Usually our sons can not hope to live up to the impossibly high expectations we often have for them. That is our problem, not yours. Do well at the college you did get accepted at and hopefully your father will do what I am trying to do, take pleasure in his sons’ successes and not dwell on the inevitable disappointments.</p>
<p>Congrats on getting into JMU. It’s nothing to be ashamed at. You should be proud.</p>
<p>Your father’s behavior is indeed abusive. It’s his problem, not yours. </p>
<p>Get on with your life and do your best. </p>
<p>Live for yourself and most importantly, REMEMBER THIS DAY so that you never do this to your own kids. </p>
<p>This “tradition” of abusing your kids until they are perfect can end in your lineage with you. You can be especially proud of that.</p>