Question about questioning

<p>Ok, so I wanted to ask a personal question about handling an issue when I start school this fall.</p>

<p>At this point in my life, I am currently questioning my orientation. I have dated girls before, but recently I have found myself much more interested (emotionally and physically) in men. At this point, I feel fairly certain I am gay, but I have not dated another guy yet. I have decided to make it a priority to get some experience with dating men when school starts. Although I'm fairly sure about this, I don't want to come out until I am completely sure. But since I plan to explore some, am I obligated to explain/tell my roommate?</p>

<p>Also: does anybody have experiences (positive or negative) in dealing with campus lgbt groups?</p>

<p>No, you have no obligation to tell your roommate. If you don’t want to share, it’s none of their business. </p>

<p>I’ve had only positive experiences with LGBT groups on campus.</p>

<p>You don’t really need to tell your roommate unless you think that would help your relationship or something. LGBT groups on my campus have been not very positive–they forced several bathrooms to be gender neutral even when many students didn’t want that and they also tried to ban several student groups they found to be “inherently hateful institutions” which turned out to be a fraternity and a sorority.</p>

<p>Coming from a conservative area, I found the lgtbq groups at my school to be very helpful, and to be honest, liberating. I was talking with a few of the incoming first years, and as well as current members, and they were all very supportive of me. Maybe it’ll be the same way for you? I’ve been questioning my sexuality for about 6 months now, and I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion I like girls, and that’s okay.</p>

<p>I’m not comfortable actually verbally “coming out” so I’m not gonna tell my roommates. If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to tell them. Although, I would test the waters to see how they are with the idea of homosexuality, etc. Because you want to make sure you are in a safe place to be who you are.</p>

<p>It’s not your room mate’s business if you date Susie or Lori, so why would it be his business if you date Susie or Steve?</p>

<p>The only things he will care about will be that you do not hit on him (assuming he is straight; and, even if he is gay, he may not want a relationship with a room mate), and that your personal relationships (with people of whatever orientation) do not infringe on his equal right to enjoy your shared room.</p>

<p>In other words, exactly the same things you care about. Think about it…do you care who he is interested in? Do you have any expectation of his explaining his orientation to you?</p>

<p>I guess I should clarify. I don’t want to hide this per se. I’m also afraid it might be rude not to let him know. Other than checking guys out, I don’t think I have any behaviors that communicate my interests. I don’t want him to find out by walking in on me and a guy or something similar to that. But I’m not big on using questioning as a label, although I suppose it’s the most appropriate for me. I’m also not huge on using bi, because I feel like I am either gay or straight.</p>

<p>Also if anybody knows about gay stuff at Stanford, please let me know.</p>

<p>Thanks for the responses, guys.</p>

<p>It’s not rude, don’t worry. I was not insulted when my roommate did not tell me he’s straight. If he has a problem with it, then it is entirely his fault, not yours.</p>

<p>Additionally, I’m not sure if you meant this as a sweeping generalization, but I would like to assure you that bisexual individuals do indeed exist. I’d encourage you to not automatically rule it out just because you feel like you must be one or the other.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t expect a roommate to tell me that he was straight, gay, bisexual, or whatever. It’s really none of my business. You’re not obligated to inform a roommate about your orientation.</p>

<p>If I had a contagious disease that could put my room mate’s health at risk, yes, I would owe it to my room mate to tell them. Orientation is not contagious, it is not dangerous, or harmful to health. You do NOT owe your roommate such personal information unless you WANT to share it. And remember, once you share your sexual orientation with your room mate, even if you ask for privacy, confidentiality, etc, chances are the information will be shared eventually, and not necessarily by you with people you would choose. Until you know people, and feel safe, and can tell your good friends from those who may not be, I would be careful and protect privacy. Not everyone has grown up in open-minded, intellectual, respectful atmospheres. Some get very angry. Some may feel nervous or threatened by you somehow. It’s not right, but it happens out of ignorance. Let people get to know you for you first, without consideration of who you prefer to date. It may make life much easier down the road. Wishing you the best.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t expect my roommate to tell me anything about their sexuality or romantic relationships, nor would I care much about it. I’ve roomed with good friends, and I’d like to know with them, just because they were my friends. If you’re not comfortable sharing this with a stranger, there’s no reason he needs to know more than anyone else. Just be yourself, and if it comes up, it comes up. There’s no reason you have to bring it up if you’re not comfortable doing so.</p>

<p>TBH, I think he’d feel just as awkward walking in on you and a girl as he would walking in on you and a guy, unless you’re just hanging out. As common courtesy, it’s nice to come up with some sort of plan for these situations (telling him that the rooms occupied, ask if someone can spend the night, or keep it somewhere else where roommates are a non-issue). It has nothing to do with who you’re with, but what you’re doing. Common courtesy and all =D</p>