<p>Hi,</p>
<p>I will be a freshman in college in Fall 2011. I am gay. I am going to a pretty liberal college, but I am concerned about what my roommate will think of my sexual orientation. I need advice. Should I come out to him before school starts, or wait until he gets to know me as a person and then tell him? Thanks!</p>
<p>if you were my roomate i would hope you do it before school starts for i can change my dorm because i wouldnt feel comfortable. But it depends on the type of gay person you are. Are you the type of gay guy who likes all the boys or just picky on them.</p>
<p>You are going to get a lot of different responses on here, some of which will be rather homophobic and misinformed, such as the above. (No gay guys like all guys. Do you like all girls?) I know girls are more okay with it than guys usually (I’m a bisexual girl) but please know this, regardless of how unpopular of an opinion it is: You do not HAVE to come out to him. This is private information and is not his right to know. Yes, it is courteous of you to tell him, but you are under no OBLIGATION to tell him, regardless of what others may say. You SHOULD, but you do not HAVE TO. If it were me (and it has been) I would tell your roommate within the first few days of you guys moving in. Does it say you are gay on Facebook? Why don’t you add him as soon as possible and then he can find out himself if he wants to. If you are uncomfortable telling him until you know him, that is FINE.</p>
<p>I just get very annoyed when straight people think LGBT people have to come out to those that they are friends with or are living with them. It is a courtesy, it is not your right. That is private information. The odds of us being attracted to straight people are ridiculously small, especially since you are straight. We are regular everyday people and we won’t be hitting on people who are straight.</p>
<p>Funny story: last year I was napping in my dorm and I was completely under the covers, so when my roommate came in he couldn’t see me in my bed, which was lofted. I woke up to the loud sound of a chair scraping across the floor and looked down to discover my roommate and his boyfriend making out (I didn’t know he was gay at the time). They both screamed and ran out of the room. It was rather shocking but I was cool with it, and all the rest of the year we laughed about it. </p>
<p>Anyway, I have to agree with RoxSox, you’re under no obligation to come out to him, especially if it’s not something that will affect your relationship as roommates and if you’re not “out” in the first place. If he’s a homophobe you might be in for a painful and unpleasant year.</p>
<p>LOL. </p>
<p>It honestly depends. First see how you get along necaude you two may not even click from the get. Perfrct case would be me. I’m bisexual, had 4 roommates, didnt click with them and didnt even bother telling them. I felt if we dont talk, we dont click, and I dont like them, why should I tell them? </p>
<p>Now if you guys are clicking, then I would maybe bring it up eventually. I dont know how you view things, but if someone has an issue with my sexuality, I rather not befriend them or be around them just because I know in the back of their head, they really dont like me.</p>
<p>So anyway, just see how you two get along first, then make your decision.</p>
<p>I’m in the same boat as the OP. I can only imagine how it’s going to go, if I need to tell my roommate at all… </p>
<p>Like others said, it all depends on the roommate and how comfortable you feel disclosing your sexuality to this person.</p>
<p>Personally, I’m going to wait to meet my roomie first and then decide.</p>
<p>People have a lot of misconceptions about having a gay roommate (like thinking you’re automatically going to hit on them).<br>
If you really want your roommate to know, you should tell them beforehand, but like RoxSox said, you don’t NEED to tell them. Your sexual orientation is none of their business.</p>
<p>If it’s a very liberal school, you should be fine either way. Anyway, if I were you, I’d just touch on it beforehand, just to make sure they’re not homophobic or hateful. Think about some other conversation topic beforehand, though, so you can segue right in to it so as not to linger on the subject of your sexuality, which could get awkward.</p>
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True, but “gay guys” aren’t one person, just like “straight guys” aren’t one person. I’ve met plenty of heterosexual guys who are very promiscuous and go after just about every girl they can. Someone, having seen this behavior in either or both heterosexual and/or homosexual men might be concerned about being uncomfortable in their room, though those types of guys definitely seem to be in the minority of both sexualities, so it’s likely not a problem. I wouldn’t feel this concern, but I understand it enough not to make fun of people who feel it, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t want people making fun of the OP for being concerned about his roommate’s feelings. However, since the OP has the courtesy to worry about his roommate being comfortable, I’m sure it’ll all be good as long as his roommate isn’t hateful.</p>
<p>You honestly don’t have to tell them! I’d feel them out first, creep their fb profile, and see if you even click to begin with. </p>
<p>I am well educated about people of all sexual orientations. I am not ignorant. With that being said if during my first conversation with my roommate she was like I’m a lesbian. I’d switch rooms. On the other hand if my roommate and I hung out a bit, went out a few times, and knew each other for a few weeks it wouldn’t be all that weird. It would just be like another part of her. I’d have no issue with someone being a lesbian or bisexual, but I honestly couldn’t room with someone whose number one interests where Gay Pride and the Gay Straight Alliance. Not that it’s wrong or anything we just wouldn’t mesh well at all as roommates. </p>
<p>When I introduce myself I generally tell people: Hi I’m _<strong><em>, from _</em></strong>, I like to sew, read, and go out. I don’t say I’m straight, so why should you feel like you have too? </p>
<p>Sorry about the rambling. I’m not homophobic, just being honest! </p>
<p>Bottom line: If your sexual orientation is a huge part of you and a way you define yourself (like the fact you where the star basketball player in HS) then tell them beforehand and don’t be offended if they move out. If it’s just a part of you (like the way you like applejacks for breakfast and not cheerios), let it come up naturally. </p>
<p>If this needs further information or clarification please pm me! This is hard to explain over the internet!</p>
<p>As far as anecdotal evidence goes, here’s my experience: </p>
<p>My roomate was last year was gay. He didn’t tell me, but I figured it out and eventually he came out to our friends on the floor the first weekend. It really wasn’t a big deal; I can’t speak for your roomate, but speaking for myself and other people in this situation, I never felt awkward around him or his boyfriends, and - as horrible as it sounds saying it this way, because there really isn’t a difference - I treated them just like I would a straight couple. Everyone on the floor was fine with it too. Whether he told me or not, I think he would have gotten on fine.</p>
<p>Now, the caveat - I go to a big state university, but I lived in an arts community in a dorm filled with art majors and liberal people, the sort of group that might have more openly gay people than usual. That said, if you are going to a small liberal arts college as your post seems to imply, I think the atmosphere would be similar. My advice would be to check out your roomate and see if he’s the kind of person that might feel awkward not being told. I know that might seem hard to do, but I think by now you probably can use your intuition about these things. It might be best to get that out of the way early and let him get used to the idea, or maybe it just wouldn’t matter. The point is, even though this is a personal thing and its not fair that you might be expected to tell him, as others have said, it might make it easier for it to be known. Whether or not you ought to tell him is really based on how he would react, and how comfortable you think you would be living that way.</p>
<p>Hope this helped!</p>
<p>Like others have said, I would wait to see what the roommate’s like. It became pretty clear early on that my freshman year roommate was a ****** and a homophobe, so I didn’t come out to him. Not because of fear, but because I didn’t want to deal with him being a jackass all the time about my sexuality, which is frankly none of his business.</p>
<p>Hope you don’t get one of those straight roommates who flatter themselves into thinking they’ll be automatically hit on and harassed. Because gay and lesbians like EVERYONE of the same sex. Especially the straight ones. Please.</p>
<p>I was a huge homophobe when I was a freshman (many moons ago lol) and I would have reacted like an idiot. I would hope times have changed enough that your roommate wouldn’t care. I say tell him at the earliest time you feel comfortable, if he freaks out then ask to change rooms. You can also not tell him since it isn’t really any of his business. Good luck!</p>
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<p>I think if your roommate did come out to you immediately it would be because she wants to give you the opportunity to switch rooms if you’re uncomfortable with it, not because she wants to tote her pride…</p>
<p>@OP: I think if you’re out of the closet, you should just immediately tell your roommate. Because honestly, if he chooses to switch rooms simply over your homosexuality, he’s probably not someone you would click with anyway. If you’re not completely out, then don’t tell your roommate; no one has any right to force you out of the closet just because of their ignorance/homophobia.</p>
<p>People through about homophobia far too freely. Some people would be uncomfortable with a gay roommate just as some people would be uncomfortable with a roommate of the opposite sex.</p>
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<p>So true, the moment you say your against homosexuality. The words “Homophobic” and “Closeminded” start flying everywhere.</p>
<p>To the topic, while its your right to disclose your sexuality or not. I wouldnt make mention of the fact that your gay before you bring another man into your room. This is the SAME courtesty you would expect of your roommate if they brought their partners into your room.</p>
<p>
I speaking English very goodly, no?</p>
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Please note that I DID NOT say anything about the morality of homosexuality.</p>
<p>what so lovely said.
don’t tell him, because it aint necessary. its not like some contagious disease…
you dont tell someone youre straight, and you dont tell someone your sexual orientation before you meet them. thats just weird. tell him on good timing, like before you sexile him or if he seems to talk about hot gurls</p>
<p>Why am I not seeing an edit button?</p>
<p>Anyhoo, my previous post should read:
To the topic, while its your right to disclose your sexuality or not.
I would make mention of the fact that your gay before you bring another man into your room. This is the SAME courtesty you would expect of your roommate if they brought their partner into your room.</p>
<p>EDIT:
Seems you can only edit a post if its the last one in the thread. 
EDIT EDIT:
Seems you can only edit a post 20 mins after its been posted</p>
<p>As a straight female I don’t think you have any obligation to tell him unless you want to. This doesn’t effect him at all. If your sexuality makes someone else uncomfortable it is their issue not yours.</p>
<p>As a gay male, RoxSox hit the nail on the head. You have no obligation to tell him whatsoever. I personally came out mid-year to my roommates (I was closeted and they were some of the first people I told) and they didn’t react in the best way, but I moved on. If you’re out, it’ll probably make life easier for everyone if you tell him before you go to school, but you have absolutely no obligation to do so.</p>