<p>Consider buying some college essays books such Harry Bauld's On Writing the College Essay.</p>
<p>LMAO @ everyone baggin on tawo.</p>
<p>tough luck man. that sentence is seriously messed up.</p>
<p>my first sentence is about fire burning... but rest of it isn't haha</p>
<p>I like your second opening sentence better. Its focused and immediately introduces the topic. At least I know what you are writing about in that one. The first one is very broad and doesn't really introduce anything. And yeah I agree with everyone else, use more colloquial language.</p>
<p>“Does this bus also drop students off at the charter school?” I vehemently asked the bus driver. I would loathe to hear an answer in opposition to my wishes; I was not about to be late to my first day at what was, essentially, a new school.</p>
<p>you didnt vehemently ask anything. stop lying.</p>