Common App Essay Help?

<p>I am applying to several top schools, including my top choice, Columbia University. I know that my essay isn't quite up to par yet, but if anyone could give me some good suggestions I would greatly appreciate it!</p>

<p>My mom tells me that I was dancing even before I was walking. I would lift myself up by my arms, Little Mermaid style, and wiggle around to whatever she put on. Finally, when I was about four years old, my parents enrolled me in a ballet class. Although I wasn’t able to stay in the class for long, this marked the beginning of what would be a vitally important part of my life for years to come.
Before long I started up dance classes again, and the summer before 5th grade, my parents enrolled me in a dance camp with a new studio called Rhythms. From that point on, I was hooked. I added more and more classes in jazz, tap, ballet, lyrical, musical theater, whatever I could. By sixth grade I knew that dance was my passion and something that would always remain a part of my life. Throughout middle school and the beginning of high school, I became as involved as I could my studio, Rhythms. I went to the studio events, summer camps, and I even began helping out with classes of younger dancers. The studio grew to be a kind of second home, and its teachers and dancers were my second family.
Dance has become more than just a hobby to me, though. It has provided me with both an emotional outlet and an incredible support system. My studio and my passion for dance have supported me through some of the most difficult times in my life. The summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school, my dad had to have a brain surgery. This was his second one; he was first diagnosed with a brain tumor when I was in kindergarten and also had to have a surgery then. Although my dad’s surgery went smoothly and he recovered quickly, my family began to face some financial hardships, which made it difficult to pay for the dance classes and camps that I loved so much. I talked to my teachers, though, and was able to work out paying for part of my monthly tuition by doing various jobs around the studio. Although it wasn’t always fun having to work, I was grateful for the opportunity I was given to continue in my dance training. When, during my junior year, my dad became a part of a clinical trial that forced him to travel to Pittsburgh every three weeks. It turned my family’s life upside down once a month, but throughout the whole ordeal I always felt the love and support of my dance family. It was such a comfort to know that I could always come to dance and things would be the same.
Dance has truly shaped my life and the person that I have become. I have learned how to really work hard and go for it when I want something. I have learned how to be a leader and help others grow. Most importantly, I have learned how to love and support each of my fellow dancers both in and out of the studio as if we were family. Because that is truly what Rhythms is: a family.</p>

<p>I PM`d a response. :)</p>

<p>thank you! :)</p>

<p>Hey JuniorMint, can you look at my essay? I can’t message you though because your PM box is full</p>

<p>Sorry, I just cleared it. :(</p>

<p>I will read your essay though! :)</p>