<p>Anyone mind giving me some feedback? I really want to show how orchestra means more to me than just a means for me to enjoy myself. I really want to show how it translates into my life. I don't really like how I sort of used "music" and "orchestra" interchangeably, so I would appreciate some help with that. Also, it's over 1000 characters (almost 1200, I think), so it's be a big help if I got some feedback as to where to make cuts. Thanks!</p>
<p>"Fingers flare up and down strings and buttons, hair glides across wires, surfaces are beaten, wind is blown into tubes, a stick is waved in the air. This is the scene that an orchestra presents. What started of as a youthful ambition in the 5th grade has grown to be an activity that I love and molds me into the person I am today. Music is a way for me to be able to express myself in a way that words can't. I can play an exhilarating presto passage when I am excited or a slow adagio when I am more relaxed. But what I love most about orchestra is how it translates to my life outside of the rehearsal hall. The assortment of instruments is a diverse family that works together into constructing something that is much larger than an individual voice. A simple phrase can be presented by a flute that is later developed by the brass sections and then reinforced by tutti strings. Being in an orchestra has taught me how cooperation of a diverse group in which each individual presents their own opinions, and in which the group as a whole merges these opinions has the potential to create a masterpiece, whether it be a symphony, a building, at town, or maybe even a nation."</p>
<p>Ok. I’ve revised my essay. I got it down to just under 1000 characters. I also changed the end (the first one was kinda cheesy, I think). I don’t know if it says much about me, though. Any help?</p>
<p>“Fingers flare on strings and buttons, hair glides across wires, surfaces are beaten, air is blown into tubes, a stick is waved. This is the orchestral scene. A youthful activity has grown to be a passion. Playing in an orchestra is a way for me to be able to express myself. I can play an exhilarating presto passage when I am excited or a slow adagio when I am more relaxed. But being in an orchestra offers more than just musical knowledge. The assortment of instruments is a diverse family that works together in creating large productions. A simple phrase can be presented by a flute that is later developed by the bass sections and then reinforced by tutti strings. At the same time, each person must play their part in a convincing manner in order for the group to have the fullest effect. I admire the fact that my voice is important. I admire being able to hears other’s voices. Most of all, I admire how this diverse body can collaborate to reach endeavors that otherwise seem impossible.”</p>
<p>It sounds really good, but IMO you should underscore what YOU did and why its important to you, rather than just describing the scene.
That said, it is pretty well written :)</p>
<p>Thanks so much! I made some more revisions. It’s more about me now, I think. The application is due in a couple of days, but any advice would help!</p>
<p>Fingers flare on strings and buttons; hair glides across wires; surfaces are beaten; air is blown into tubes; a stick is waved. This is the orchestral scene. A youthful activity has grown into a passion. Playing in an orchestra serves as an outlet for my expression. I can play an exhilarating presto passage when I am excited or a slow adagio when I am more relaxed. But being in an orchestra offers more than just musical catharsis. In an orchestra, I am able to work with a diverse body in order to create large productions. A simple phrase can be presented by a flute, and later developed by the tutti strings, and then reinforced by the brass section. But every musician must play a convincing part in order for the group to have the fullest effect. My input is pushed to be its strongest. I admire the fact that my voice is important. I admire being able to hears other’s voices. Most of all, I admire how this varied group can collaborate to reach endeavors that otherwise seem impossible.</p>
<p>Hello, I’ll be sending my application today and I just want to have a second idea before I send my answer to short answer question since I think I picked a risky subject for it:</p>
<p>Competetive nature of online gaming has always appealed to me. For me, there would be no meaning in playing a game without human involvement or interaction. Since the variables are human there is no golden rule that solves every problem. To be in a constant challange of analyzing everchanging situations and assesing them to tailor the best solutions is an exhilariting experience as it is a progressive activity to promote cognitive thinking in every day life.
When it comes to playing as a team the drive to succeed taught me if I am confident in my abilities stepping up as a leader is not a choice but a responsibility and sometimes the responsiblity is to be mature and ensure the succes of your fellow men in a supporting role. Even in most challanging match-ups I’ve learned that with tenacity and teamwork everything is possible, and the best way to function as a group is to listen to your teammates and benefit from every idea, as each of them is formed by unique experiences.</p>
<p>I would really, really appreciate your quick replies.</p>