Every child is different for sure. Some will communicate with parents back home every day and some you will have to pry info out of them. This will not work in all situations and some of you might not need this, but if you do you can give it a shot. First, this idea can’t be done Freshman year. You are definitely still viewed as a parent during that year. So you have to play the long game with this idea. Also friends come and go.
Eventually when your student get a good friend or two somehow get a group chat started with your student and their friend(s). The chat I have with my D19 and her friend started by sharing TikToks between us. Not too long ago another friend was added to the chat. My wife somehow got in a group chat with D19 and others because she all share their Wordle results. No boys are allowed in that chat so I am out. Your child will communicate with you more when they see their friends chatting with you. Also it is interesting when they kinda forget you are in the chat and you gain more info about what is going on at school. It is funny when they start teasing each other. It also helps that in the case of an emergency you might not someone to find your child.
Like I said many of you might not need this, but it is something I have found that helps. Plus we all always worry about who our kids are hanging out with. That never stops when you are a parent.
I have a group text with my daughter and her college bestie (freshman and sophomore roommate). It’s fun and has definitely been helpful at times.
I also have a group text with 5-6 moms where we keep track of our kiddos behind the scenes. LOL The boy moms especially appreciate any details as boys don’t seem to communicate as regularly as the girls.
ETA: After seeing momofboiler’s comment below, I do follow several of my D’s college friends on Instagram (with her permission). These are her closest friends I’ve gotten to know personally. Some of them post more regularly than my D so it’s another way to see what’s going on in their lives so I can ask about it when we talk.
I’m connected with some of my D’s childhood friends on social media (with her permission and initiated by her friends) but not any college friends.
My D is very good with staying in touch though so I haven’t had to get creative. We play wordle together every morning and share our results, and then typically we have a “how was your day” exchange in the evening. She typically calls twice/week but more frequently if she has stuff going on that she wants to discuss. I feel like it’s a good balance.
I text off and on with my son during the week, but not daily (he’s a freshman). We also talk on the phone about once a week - usually for an hour - once he gets going he is very chatty. I try not to bother him too much - it’s his life and he doesn’t need Mom hanging over his shoulder.
Interesting. My daughter calls almost daily (usually when she’s walking home from class) and texts a lot so I have a good idea what is going on with her. But, I can’t see her wanting us in a group chat with her friends. MAYBE some friends from high school we knew fairly well, but she goes to college 1200 miles away from us and we have hardly met most of her friends - and covid didn’t help with that. But, it’s a great idea if you’re kid will go for it!
Group text with your child + friends . . . As soon as I read that I knew you had a daughter. That is most certainly not a thing among boys and boy parents.
As a rule, as a rule. I am sure there are some out there. But not many!
Ha! My college kid would never allow me into the group chat with her friends. That is a sacred space. That said, college kid and I text daily and I’ve met her friends several times during campus visits. At this point, I don’t worry too much about who she is hanging out with. She’s an adult and we trust her judgment when it comes to friends.
Yeah I don’t see us in a group text with either S’ friends. We aren’t cool enough lol. That said, we text about something almost every day. Sports, movies/TV shows, weird news items, pics of our cats, good news, bad news, etc…we do have one big group chat with both GFs, but I also have one for just us 4. And also one with each kid plus H, etc…
Our girls have always communicated a lot, but another tip I have, if your kids will play along, is starting a Snapchat streak with them. It’s a daily sign of life, and my girls did a pretty good job of showing something interesting and not just a picture of the floor or ceiling. DD’19 often adds night streaks too, so during college I usually knew when she got back to the dorm or apartment for the night. We also have a family group Snapchat for the four of us.
We do have some of their friends on various things, that they initiated, but it’s never been helpful in learning about what our kids are up to. But they pretty much tell me everything and then some. I hear all the tea…Yes they are girls!
I am only on a group text with my son and his roommates because all of the bills for their apartment are paid out of my account and then they pay us. With no credit history it was the easiest way to figure that out for this year.
I have sent a text to my son, “it has been a week and a half, if I don’t here from you I am going to have to text the boys or call 911.” That gets a response almost immediately.
My daughter will loop me into things, but it is not ongoing.
Texting is a game-changing technology. Back when I was in college, I talked to my parents maybe once a week, if I remembered, and the rest of the time they didn’t know if I was dead or alive. Now I text with D22 about something almost every day. She calls here and there, but honestly I’m caught off-guard by actual phone calls now b/c I’m in touch with her so often already.
Group text wouldn’t happen with either of my kids. My daughter protects her group chats completely (she never went to college). My son doesn’t group chat. The only time we have done that was between him and his now fiancee planning for trips. I do chat her occasionally to ask for pictures that I want and know she has!
Undergrad I heard from my son when he was sick, needed something, trip planning, or something huge. Other than that not much communication. In grad school it is a little better. usually once a week he calls to talk, in a quiet week it may be twice a week.
Ok, I guess I’m missing something…
If the objective is to have a line of communication with your college kid, a family group chat or one with either parent seems like the most straightforward mechanism. But if kid won’t bother to participate in such chats for whatever reason, why would they be ok (and actively share information) in group chats that have their parent(s) and their friends?
My son just called to say he was walking out of his last class of his first semester. He only has a few finals to take, then he’s headed home next Wednesday.
My DC said their dad/my spouse called when they were in class the other day. They checked when class was over and saw that had a 3 minute voice mail from - the thought someone had died! It was a butt dial…
