I just off the phone speaking to some admissions and financial aid counselors at some universities. The part of the world I live in, we are taught to respect elders and address them by ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’, even if they’re just a year older than us.
When I addressed the aforementioned parties with those labels, I felt their tone was changed and not sure, but I felt they got offended or were taken aback in the way they spoke, became more formal. Is it not the right way to address people in the US?
Also, they seem to address me by ‘Sir’ and I’m just 17?? I mean, Sir and Ma’am are to be used when you’re speaking to anyone who’s older than you right?
What’s with all this sir and ma’am thing in the US? It’s very odd.
Is it appropriate to speak to those people addressing them with their first name, like - Hi Jennie, how’s my fin aid package looking like? Or, Hi Miss, or Hi Ma’am/Madam?
I don’t want to offend them unknowingly if that’s what’s happening. Please advice me on some communication etiquettes when we talk to people in the US.
Americans are informal. In most parts of the country (except for parts of the South), we don’t use Sir and Ma’am. A polite tone and pleases and thank yous are still appreciated and warranted but first names are fine.
If they addressed you by Sir, they were probably just emulating your formality in an effort not to offend. That isn’t common practice.
Sir and m’am is also used in the military, but if you are talking to a peer it isn’t necessary. My DH says it out of habit sometimes to someone young, and they do look at him a little funny.
If you are calling for general information and it seems pretty clear that you might be talking to a college student, you don’t really need to use their name (or say sir/m’am or equivalent) at all. You can also ask “to whom am I speaking”? Or “may I please ask your name” and then use what they tell you.
I think we all wonder, with each conversation, what’s expected by the other. Many will answer their office phone with their full name, “Jane Doe.” Many times, we need to figure out what to call them on the fly, so to say, as the convo progresses. We ask ourselves, it casual or more formal? In general, in most regions, a young person would not expect to be called Sir or Ma’am.
It’s not something to lose sleep about, when you’re the younger and the other is clearly much older or in a position of authority. We do understand some will use polite terms. It may just surprise a 20 year old to be called by a term more reserved for our true elders.
^ Right, you would want to know their full name in case you need to call them again (Is this Jenny Jones?) otherwise you don’t need to refer to their name again during the conversation.
My counsel to my children is to always initially address an elder by their last name if they’re more than a few years older. Where I live (the US Northeast) most people use their first names but it’s still nice to give that extra measure of respect upon first meeting someone. If they’re basically a peer address them by their first name. For an adult the dividing line usually has to do with whether it’s a personal or professional relationship. I address people I meet socially by their first name right off the bat, but when I meet a doctor in his or her office I use the honorific (“Nice to meet you, Dr. Jones”)
People in the American deep South tend to use “Sir” and “Ma’am.” Other areas of the country don’t unless it’s in the service industry, e.g., “Ma’am (or Miss), would you like another cup of coffee?”
Addressing them as “Sir” or “Ma’am” is probably throwing off the admissions people with whom you’ve spoken, and they’re code-switching (matching your language) out of fear that they may otherwise sound rude to you.
No need for titles beyond the initial use of their name. If you’re calling the DOA, “Hello, may I speak with Ms. Jones? This is Tom Dexter.” “Hello, Ms. Jones, I have a question…”
If it’s an intern, "“Hello, may I speak with Jennie Jones? This is Tom Dexter.” “Hi Jennie, I have a question…”
If it’s unclear, e.g., an admissions intern a year or two out of college, “Hello, may I speak with Jennie. Jones? This is Tom Dexter returning her call.” “Hi. Thanks for taking my call. I have a question…”
Sir and Ma’am are only common in the South. I think it’s easiest to just ask may I speak to First Name Last Name? And then ask, what should I call you. In most of the country these days, first names will be the default.