Completely Frustrated with 4 Years of Hard Work and No Results

Parents Forum
1

I had originally posted this as a response to another question that was describing a situation where a high school student was losing motivation. My student has hit a motivational wall after graduating and failing to get into college. Here is the story.

My daughter just graduated from a boarding school, where she worked very hard and, I thought, did very well, but she had no luck getting into a college. I don’t want to name the school because it is fairly small and I’d rather she not be identified.

It was amazing that she was able to even go to this school because we are not really well-to-do parents. She researched it as an option in middle school (talk about motivation!) and found that this school, which has been around since the 19th century as a kind of public-private partnership, had some scholarship capacity. She applied for and got a hefty scholarship to attend the school at a cost of only about $5000/year to us. We were thrilled. This school has a long history of sending graduates to service academies,the Ivy League, Stanford, etc. and is well-regarded for academic rigor. Classes were small and over 90% of the faculty has advanced degrees. It was a dream come true, we thought.

She continued working hard and graduated with high honors, and good but not stellar SAT/ACT scores. Her ACT was 30 and the SAT was in the same range (I’m told by the school). She took each test only once, with no special preparation.

Her GPA was 3.75. This was high honors because this school doesn’t award GPA’s over 4.0. In the end, I think this probably handicapped her as admissions offices don’t know or don’t care about where the GPA number comes from. No way to know for sure but it probably would have been a 4.3/4.4 on a 5.0 scale.

The school also has a 2 year junior college which she took advantage of to take multiple college courses including chemistry (2 years, 2 A’s) history, American literature and calculus. She was also the #1 student in Arabic for 2 years and would have continued in the language if the school had any further offerings. Her classes had kids that had grown up in Arabic speaking countries, so I was really impressed. While I’m at it the school was pretty cosmopolitan with kids from all over.

Another handicap she had was that her parents have above average income now, but for a largest portion of her childhood we had well below average income (and the zero savings that go along with that). Just her luck that I figured out how to make some money in time to mess up her FAFSA application. They must have thought that we’d been making my current salary and saving like squirrels since the day she was born, because we were basically expected to contribute over 30% of our pre-tax income to her tuition, and for our part, live under a bridge I suppose.

She applied to the university of Illinois, the university of Chicago, Columbia and the university of Denver.
Denver was the only one that offered to enroll her. For the privilege of attending this school, we were expected to give them 35% of our pre-tax income just for tuition, let alone room and board. Financially impossible, not to mention a bad value as the school appears to let everyone in and then see who is willing to pay up. They really only cared about the money and, given their attitude, I have to wonder about the quality of their academic programs.

Illinois and Columbia completely ignored her. These schools don’t treat applicants well and are unpleasant to deal with. Illinois couldn’t even be bothered to send her a rejection, we had to call them.

The university of Chicago at least talked to her and was polite about declining her application (not that we could have afforded their tuition anyway).

She is now back at home looking for an entry-level job and feeling very discouraged about college. Update: she found a job. She’s way more resilient about this than I am so far.

Quite frankly, I’m discouraged. She has worked very hard, for what I thought were good results, to no benefit at all as far as college admissions officers are concerned. From the point of view of a college admissions office, she might as well have been skipping classes and doing drugs as far as I can tell. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful that she didn’t do that - she doesn’t have a police, mental health, or any history, recorded or not, of any kind of trouble.

What a horrible system we have that so casually throws away decent students and hard workers. You are either a superstar with a red cape or a nobody. There’s nothing in between apparently. There’s got to be some better options for her. I think her guidance counselor made a mistake in having her waste efforts on impossible schools like Columbia and U of Chicago and she paid the price of not getting in.

I am really at a loss for what, if anything, I can do for her to get her back on the college track. I’m discouraged when I see how little return there was for all of her hard work in high school and the last thing I want to do is make things worse. After all of this happened, I encouraged her to apply to the University of New Mexico, where I am from, but she refused. At least they’d treat you like a human being I thought, but it was too late.

It is going to be very difficult to convince her to make future efforts in academic work at this point. Who can blame her? She has made a vague promise to look into applying to college “next year” and, in her own words is “burned out” on academics. I don’t know what to say. My wife figures if we just wait, she will get around to it.

2

She sounds like a fine student who had an inappropriate list, for whatever reason.

How much are you willing to pay per year for her college? There are colleges where a student with a 30 ACT can attend with an out-of-pocket cost in the $12-15K range. If you’re willing to spend $25K/year, she’ll have more options, and $30K/year more still.

What is your state of legal residence? What might she be interested in studying?

3

I’m sorry she had a rough admissions process. Why didn’t she have a safety? Every kid needs a school on their list that they’re sure to be accepted to, that’s affordable, and that they’d be happy to attend. If you look up [Nacac’s list of colleges](http://www.nacacnet.org/research/research-data/College-Openings/Pages/College-Openings-Results.aspx) you can see if any schools in your state are still taking apps. The list will say whether or not they’re still offering financial aid. Or she can take a gap year and apply to a new list of schools for next fall. Run the Net Price Calculator on each school’s website to make sure they’re affordable.

4

Why didn’t you and/or your daughter run NPC for the schools before she applied? If a school is clearly unaffordable, and her stats and GPA are not good enough for merit aid, she never should have applied to those schools.

I really don’t understand why you are blaming everybody but your daughter or yourself.

5

On surface that is a very odd list of colleges. If she’s amenable to working for a year and then trying again there are many, many extremely knowledgeable people on these forums that can help you and your D craft a list that will yield the results you need. Not enough information to even speculate why these particular colleges were chosen. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Wisdom says build the list from the bottom up - meaning start with a couple colleges that are affordable that she would be accepted and then move “up” the selectivity from there keeping in mind the potential costs. 25% - 30% of before tax income is “normal”, the colleges offer financial aid based on past income, current income and future income. It’s a shocker and most of us have been there with our oldest children.

6

What is your college budget per year. I would suggest she take a gap year, and apply to a different and more attainable and affordable list of colleges.

7

It sounds like she needs a good amount of merit aid to be able to attend school. That means targeting schools that are willing to pay to get high stats students. Ivies and schools of that caliber do NOT pay for high stats students. They don’t need to. She probably wasn’t handicapped by her GPA - schools submit a profile that would make clear how that GPA would relate against others. She was handicapped by not building a balanced list of colleges to apply to that included safeties and matches.

She might want to take one of the standardized tests again, this time with some prep. Getting that ACT up just a little would get her in range for guaranteed merit money at some schools. There are also a number of schools that are test-optional or test-flexible - the list can be found at www.fairtest.org (not that a 30 ACT is bad!).

The key is focusing not on specific “dream schools” but compiling a list of schools where money is either guaranteed or a strong possibility. That means seeking out schools with guaranteed merit money, as well as schools that are known to be generous with merit money and where she would be in the top 15 or so percent of students.

Finding an affordable college for a student needing merit money takes strategy and research. You’ll find lots of great advice here on how to identify schools. It may mean targeting some lesser-known private schools, or some further-away public schools, but it can be done. Good luck and I hope things work out better for your daughter in the future.

8

I think your daughter’s boarding school let her down in preparing her for the college admissions process. Did she have a guidance counselor at all? I don’t blame you for feeling frustrated and sad, but I feel the lack of adequate counseling at her school is more responsible for her disappointing results than the 4 schools on her list.

I don’t understand how she wound up with a list of only 4 schools anyway, none of which was a financial safety. Chicago and Columbia are among the most highly selective schools in the world. It’s fine to have huge reach schools on the list, but they shouldn’t constitute half of it. A 30 ACT is a strong score, but it’s below Chicago’s/Columbia’s 25th percentile, which is 32.

Admissions offices actually do consider a student’s high school GPA in context. Schools (particularly strong boarding schools) will usually spell that context out clearly through a school profile. Most boarding schools with a long history of sending grads to top institutions have established a reputation for academic strength with those adcoms.

I think there are a number of strong schools that would be happy to accept your daughter next year, many with merit aid. She needs to cast a much wider net. Her attitude is understandable at the moment, but she’ll have different results in a year if she develops a more suitable list.

9

What is your college budget per year. I would suggest she take a gap year, and apply to a different and more attainable and affordable list of colleges.

Another option would be to enroll at a community college…that has articulation agreements with four year public universities in your state. She could save money by completing core course requirements especially if she could reside at home. Then she could enroll at one of the public universities. This could also give you time to perhaps save some money for her college costs.

Getting admitted to colleges is not a reward for attending the right school and doing well. That is some of the equation. But also, the student needs to apply to a realistic list of colleges…and include ones that are affordable (the net price calculators can be helpful) as well as probable for admission. Every student should have two schools that fulfill this criteria on their list…it’s nice to have choices.

Did your daughter apply to any of your instate public universities?

10

It sounds like your daughter is a good student who has gotten a dose of reality and hasn’t liked the taste. Life is full of such experiences. One example for me: I had ~70 job interview rejections as I was getting ready to graduate with an engineering degree - many on my highly preferred list. I wasn’t that excited about the offer I finally received but decided to make the best of it. It ended-up being a great job/experience. Help your daughter see this as a growth experience and new opportunity…get a new list of schools that she is likely to be admitted to and affordable, apply to them and get enrolled at one…I’d make that near top priority over the next month. A gap year is an option as mentioned earlier, but also an opportunity for further derailment.

11

OP, did your daughter apply to colleges as freshman or as a transfer? I’m not sure how the colleges to which she applied handle students who are applying with college credits, but that could possibly make a difference in her acceptances.

Her list sounds like it was very short. When shopping for merit and need-based scholarships I don’t think it’s uncommon to apply to a dozen or more colleges.

It sounds as if she has the motivation to do well in college. I bet if she takes the coming year off and does her research she could come up with a great list of schools that could be affordable and for which her stats would make her competitive.

There are many helpful people on CC that could help you and your daughter put together a list if you started a thread with all of her stats and location/size preferences and potential majors.

12

How did this happen??? Under the watch of her school’s college counseling? 4 applications is way too few to begin with. And she applied to 2 high reaches, an unaffordable safety and a UI (UIUC, UIChicago…?). It sounds like a very amateurish and frankly messed up college application process. I can’t imagine her college counselor didn’t even try to give her/you any advice against doing what she did?

13

Also, I don’t think black and white thinking is helpful. This is a great time to model resilience for your daughter. It sounds like it was a rough year for all of you, but all is not lost. Good luck!

14

I agree with the above posters. It sounds like she was given bad advice when crafting her list of schools. I would only add that I would very strongly encourage her to take either the ACT or SAT again - or both. She should spend time preparing. I bet she can bump those scores up, which will make her eligible for merit aid at some great schools. Also, please be sure to run the Net Price Calculators so you have a realistic understanding of what schools would be affordable. Good luck to her!

15

Actually…regarding post 11…four colleges can be plenty IF they are the right choices. My kid applied to four…two EA and one rolling…where she had acceptances before Christmas. The fourth was a later application.

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1678964-links-to-popular-threads-on-scholarships-and-lower-cost-colleges.html#latest

Look at the links in this thread. You may find an affordable option…and you may find one with good merit aid for your daughter’s stats.

In addition, there ARE still colleges taking applications to fill their classes, and some might be either affordable, or still have some financial aid.

16

There are plenty of schools that would have given her merit scholarships, but they don’t come looking for you, you have to look for them. What does she want to study? If engineering, there are plenty of schools in the west that would have given her full or almost full tuition - South Dakota school of mines, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana - but you said she wouldn’t consider New Mexico or Arizona, so she probably doesn’t want a lowly state school. If that’s the case, she may not get to go to college.

If you want to go to school for free (or cheaper) you have to go to a school that wants you and not the school that may be your top choice. I’d suggest she take a gap year, do more research on schools and merit money available, and reapply this fall. She should look at schools that are similar to U of Denver in admissions because that’s the school that admitted her, but also look at auto admit schools with good merit aid (Wyoming).

17

Good point, @thumper1. And some would even say that 1 school is enough, if it’s a true safety, affordable, provides a good education, and is somewhere the student wants to go. A list of 4 is long enough, if the right schools are on the list. Not a bad idea to add more if merit aid is part of the hunt, though.

18

Four is too few unless one already has an acceptance in the early round. Too many uncertainties, and too few options, especially financial is a concern.

Edit: If you are willing to apply to 4 “safeties”, then that’s another story.

19

Or if you are willing to apply EA or rolling with early applications. Less applications are fine in that situation as well.

It’s hard to advise the OP. When did this student apply? What drove the application list? What is the amount the family WILL pay annually for college?

In addition…why only one sitting for the ACT and SAT…especially if the family was hoping for significant merit aid?

20

4 is too few even with the savviest guidance counselor in the world if you’ve got a big gap between what colleges think you can pay and what you can actually afford.

OP- did your D discuss your financial limitations with her college counselor? And why was there no safety school in the pile?

I think you need to bury your anger and your attitude and approach your D to outline three paths- number 1, she works at the job she just got and re-applies to college in September. With a much more appropriate list, with colleges on it which will provide merit aid. I don’t know the particulars of your finances so I don’t know what you can afford to pay. If you give us a sense of what she wants to study and why she found the four schools on her list appealing, we can all give you suggestions of some colleges which are more realistic choices both admissions and financial-wise.

Path number 2- you take a look at the colleges which are still accepting students and get busy making calls and emails; set up a visit or two, to see if September is still a viable plan.

Path 3- you apply- right now- for January admissions.

What has the guidance counselor been doing for your D since late March when it was apparent that she wasn’t going to one of the four colleges which accepted her? Did you discuss a back up plan with the counselor? Seems like an awful lot of time has passed since your D got her rejections and now… what’s happened, where has the counselor been?

This is the kind of thing where private schools typically kick into high gear… a local private in my area has a college counselor who has a number of colleges on speed dial- nice LAC’s which accept students in May and June who did not get into Bowdoin or Middlebury or Connecticut College (these are very popular around here); good Catholic colleges for the kids who didn’t get into Holy Cross or Villanova or Georgetown; big universities which will take a second and third look for a kid who will consider January admissions- and some of these are the popular state flagships.

If you can clarify what your D is looking for, how much you are willing to pay, and WHAT YOUR D’s COLLEGE COUNSELOR has said or done about all of this- we can help.

But 4 applications- wow. Risky strategy, and a sure-lose strategy if finances were a serious concern.