Completely inexperienced dad looking for some guidance

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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I think the title sums it up pretty well.

Background on me:

I know one person who sent her son to BS, and they moved shortly thereafter. It just isn’t done around here. So I really know nothing about the process. D is bright, and social, but just doesn’t fit in here for reasons I describe below. So I’m trying to explore all of her options. This wasn’t one I considered until a few things came to a head the last few days and I read something about FA at BS that made me think maybe it is a possibility. I floated the idea by D and my wife (her mom) yesterday and expected to be told no way, but both wanted me to try to learn more about it and report back. So here we are. I know a lot about college athletic recruiting, and a decent amount about selective college admissions. I know absolutely nothing about BS.

Background on G8 daughter:

G8 daughter is our #4. The first 3 all got along fine at the LPS. Not sure about her. Straight A’s in MS, but honestly that doesn’t mean much. S19 is an athlete at one of the Ivies, D21 is ranked 1/350 at her HS and applying to selective colleges this fall. I think academically she is probably similar to those siblings. S18 was still a good student but less academic, he is currently thriving at the state flagship U.

Her EC’s are pretty weak. She plays club volleyball, but mostly because she enjoys it not because she is especially talented. Plus she will top out around 5’4" or 5’5". Great kid, but she definitely does not have her brother’s talent level. She doesn’t do much else.

I think the big issue I have is that she is kind of a fish out of water here.

The smart kids that are in her school are largely also for lack of a better description the “mean girls (and guys)” of the school. D is pretty SJW at heart, and she had a pretty hard break from the smart popular kids about a year and a half ago over their treatment of some of the less advantaged kids at her school. Not really one specific incident, but due to the cummulative effect of a few years of witnessing it she just decided she was done with them. She hangs out with none of her friends that she had from elementary school through most of 6th grade. She really wants nothing to do with 90% of the people in her honors classes. She hasn’t been targeted much, although a bit. Mostly though she just refuses to treat them like what they are doing is ok. So she’s a bit of a social outcast there.

We also live in a very conservative area, and she is not. I have typed out and deleted a few paragraphs here, because I want to tread carefully about not getting into politics. But the TLDR version is that being surrounded by people telling her she is a bad person because she doesn’t agree with them is wearing her down emotionally.

I’ve seen this with a couple relatives that had kids who really needed to move away from a situation but didn’t. Both of them are now adults, but still have significant issues related to a miserable HS social experience. I guess I want to try to avoid that for my daughter, and I’m trying to explore different alternatives.

What I am trying to learn:

How generous is FA, and how difficult is it to get?

She will have 3 sibilings in college, 2 most likely at private schools. Frankly I don’t pay all that much for her brother at an Ivy. if her cost is remotely close to that then the finances aren’t a consideration. From my research on colleges, it seems like the top 100 or so are extremely generous with financial aid. The top ones of that group are need blind. But if you aren’t in that top group, it gets very expensive very quickly. If she needs to get into a top BS to get decent financial aid, then this whole exercise is probably a waste of time.

What level of schools should she be considering?

She is bright, but frankly she has been just going through the motions in MS, because until 24 hours ago I didn’t think it mattered. I am assuming that “bright” is just a requirement, not really an advantage. She isn’t a recruitable athlete, and doesn’t have much for EC’s. If she was applying to selective colleges right now, she would be in deep trouble. We do come from a state that sends very few kids to BS, I don’t know if that helps at all or not.

Is there any semi-reliable guide to the different schools?

Some sort of ranking like US News does for colleges would be helpful. Also a brief synopsis and some idea what the selectivity level is. I guess for those of you who have also done the college admissions dance, is there an equivalent to US News rankings or Fitch’s decriptions?

If she is G8, should this even be a consideration for 2021 admittance?

I’m guessing even if we decide to persue this she is coming pretty late to the game. I’m not even bringing up the idea of repeating G9 as a possibility with her or my wife yet. Would it make more sense to just gather info now and look towards maybe applying in a year if she decides she wants to go that route and it is financially possible? I’m kicking myself for not thinking about this 6 months ago.

Is there any sort of “BS For Dummies” type guide to get me started?

Thanks for any input anyone may have.

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One of the more experienced parents will surely come along and help out with more specifics, but in the meantime, I would say it’s definitely not too late to be thinking of admission for Fall 2021. And there are so many boarding schools, I’m certain you can find a good fit for your daughter academically, socially, and financially.

Your daughter sounds similar to mine…my daughter has very little tolerance for mean girl behavior or narrow mindedness. She is incredibly excited to be headed to BS in a few weeks to break out of the small town bubble she’s been in her entire life.

Best of luck to you!!

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@dadof4kids You are in the right place! And, you are asking all the right questions. There’s a lot to unpack so I’ll do my best to be brief (not my strength). But I will try; excuse any choppiness.
You are NOT too late AT ALL for this application cycle! We started the process in earnest last fall, and my DD2 is headed out to her first choice school in a few weeks. And, we felt like we had PLENTY of time. (I would even say that if you didn’t need FA, then you could even find a great school for 2020-21. So 2021 – your timing is perfect.)

Where to begin?

Grab a coffee and settle into a comfy seat with your computer.
Use the search field here on CC (make sure you are in prep school board first so you only search prep schools) and search away to learn about schools.
Oh but how to get that first list if you know truly zero about any school?
Well luckily there is help here!

Tell us what you are looking for, and I promise you, people will jump in and make suggestions. You can start looking at those websites.
Also, you can look up those schools on some review websites – Boardingschoolreview and Niche are the two I use the most. Note that some of the comments on Niche are notoriously unreliable, so take the comments with a grain of salt. (“This school ruined my life! don’t go hear!” – umm pretty sure that if you actually went to Exeter you wouldn’t be spelling here hear, so.)

Of course, you don’t want to crowd source for your D’s future! But if you start with a list of 10 or 15 schools that you start poking around, you are going to hear about more. And then when you search on those names, you will read more about the culture and characteristics of various schools.
Some things you may want to search would be: “hidden gems” “merit scholarships” “generous FA” “high endowment” “supportive schools” just to get your mind going. (Trust me – once you find a few hits, you will start down rabbit holes and you will learn a ton about what you are really looking for in a school community.)
You already know about admissions processes in general, so that is a big plus. It sounds like you just need to learn about the schools, the options, and how to find the right fit for your DD.

Rankings – yes they exist (I think US news does them , and Niche does them) but again folks in the BS world tend to lean anti-rating for lots of reasons. Bottom line: the top 50-100 boarding schools will all offer solid academics, so focus on fit. That said, some will be more intense than others, and some will be harder than others to get into. (You might be looking at 10% admit rate for the super competitive schools, and then up to 50% admit rate for solid options that are less well-known or intense – and DD could get a fantastic education at both ends of that spectrum.)

Financial aid – I don’t have kids in college, but from what I understand from other parents here – qualifying for FA in BS is easier. Take a look at the financial aid pages on some of the schools and you’ll see that higher income families often qualify for FA. I don’t think I’m alone in believing that, while most BS don’t offer merit scholarships, the FA offices do seem to make more generous offers to those kids they really want to see on campus. (note: some schools do offer merit, however, but it’s less common.)

BS culture does tend toward being more progressive, so that might be a good fit for your DD.

I don’t know what G8 is so I’m no help there.

Yes, being from an underrepresented state does help. Doesn’t “get you in” but it sure isn’t a bad thing!

Any sense for how your DD tests? (for the SSAT). (I’ll just add: please believe that SSAT is not everything. but also: it is harder than you might think – voice of experience with my DD not doing very well last November. Again, still ended up at her first choice.)

I know you are explaining your DD’s background briefly for the sake of letting us know what kind of student she is, but I do want to say: I doubt her story is quite as boring as you are painting it. Everyone has a good story; you just need to look deeply for it; and then know how to share it. (I hope you don’t mind me offering that observation. I know you were getting to the point for the sake of social shorthand, and that you are your DD’s biggest fan.)

One final first tip before I wrap up this monologue:
I think you know this because of your college experience here, but if you go down the BS posts rabbit hole and you want to read the other comments or threads a poster here has posted, you can click on the person’s screen name, and then click on thread or replies to find their comments here. It’s helpful to follow someone’s journey sometimes if you hear things that resonate with you. (Me: gosh I wonder if that French girl from 2012 ended up going to Loomis Chaffee or Chatham Hall?? oh let me just click and see her journey from the beginning…)

Feel free to DM if I can be helpful. PS. mom of 4 girls.

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Also, I will add, as a mom of 2 volleyball players, I will just point out that not every school has volleyball, if that is important to DD.
And, if you want to get a big first list of schools that was created with my two volleyball players in mind, you could combine the schools my DD2 applied to last year and the schools we are looking at this year for DD3. Again, these are just my schools, but they really run the range from “tippy-top” schools with low admit rates and less competitive schools that I do feel as though I’ve vetted for academic rigor. (see the stats/EC thread from this past admit cycle for DD2 stats and schools, and then you could read the long list of suggestions that folks had for me this year for DD3 in a post where I asked parents for boarding schools suggestions maybe a month or so ago.). They all offer volleyball, as that was a requirement for both DD2 and DD3. Only if it’s helpful though. Not trying to push my favorite schools on the world.

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I’d say go for it. And watch the ratings some allow bias. Find the best fit for her.
Coming from a state that doesn’t send many kids to BS will help a lot. There’s a lot of info on these boards.

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If your DD is interested in social causes and also interested in FA opportunities, do check out the wonderful all-girls schools. They tend to have very good FA and also region-interest specific scholarships/awards. Several (before COVID) had summer programs and/or weekend programs for Middle School girls. Our DD loved the Girl Summer program at Emma Willard. I know that MPS also had excellent leadership weeks/weekends. The girls schools I know of offer volleyball. The girls schools often spoken on CC include the following (apologize in advance if I am forgetting any).

Emma Willard
Miss Porters School
Madeira
Westover
St Timothy’s
Miss Halls
Ethel Walker
Foxcroft
Linden Hall
Dana Hall

You can go to Boarding School Review (dot com) to get a general overview of the schools. There should be information about FA on there, also.

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OP wrote:

“Her ECs are pretty weak. She plays club volleyball. She doesn’t do much else.”

This is a problem for an unhooked applicant seeking substantial financial aid.

Boarding schools need all students to contribute to the community. An applicant can get accepted with modest extracurriculars, but much more difficult if seeking substantial financial aid.

P.S. Your daughter will need an SSAT score.

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A few notes - most schools accept the ISEE test as well as the SSAT. In our area, it was easier to find a testing location for the ISEE. However, if you’re hoping she can enroll this fall (i.e. Sept 2020), testing may be difficult due to Covid.

Below is a link to schools that say they still have openings, I would call the admissions office of any schools that look good and see what options there are for a kid without any tests. You can also ask them whether there is still money in their financial aid budget. https://www.boardingschoolreview.com/openings-rolling-admissions-boarding-schools

Having said that - many boarding schools are online this fall. If your daughter is open to it, she could consider putting together an online homeschool selection of classes. This would allow more time for research and the possibility of standardized testing.

Good luck! Please feel free to DM, if there’s anything I can help with.

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Thanks for the comments. I’ll try to address a few of the issues raised.

@Calliemomofgirls I frequently give a similar disclaimer, especially on pm’s. Several people have sent me pm’s about my son’t experience with his sport in athletic recruiting, and instead of spending half of my time organizing my thoughts I give the disclaimer that this is a brain dump and then just start a stream of consciousness string of paragraphs. So we are coming from the same place! And as you can probably tell from my original post, brevity is not one of my strengths.

By G8 I meant 8th grade. I saw that in a post I was browsing and thought it must be a common reference here. Usually on the college boards you see kids referred to as S19 or D21 for son graduating HS in 2019 or daughter in 2021. So over there I refer to her as D25, not sure if that is common here or not.

I’m just looking for rankings to get some feel for the landscape. I have no interest in trying to get into the best ranked school she can get into. Fit would be much more important to us. She does want to get into a good college, but as long as a BS leads her that direction (which I’m assuming a very large number do) I’m more looking for a place where she can thrive in HS than getting into an impressive school. I probably don’t know 10 people IRL who know the difference between Phillips Exeter and Joe’s School for Wayward Boys.

I’m guessing she is in the 80-90 percentile on the testing. That’s where she typically slots in on the school state testing. But honestly she knows those don’t matter, and she has picked up on my bad attitude about how the schools spend more time testing and worrying about test scores than teaching. Last year she told me she was falling asleep during one of the state testing tests. So I’m guessing she is capable of better than I have seen. Although I would assume this is a higher achieving group than the bigger demographic of everyone in our state enrolled in 7th grade. So I’m not sure if that is a net positive or net negative. Also I would guess if she is being compared to kids who have been more adequately prepared for this test that she will suffer by comparison. I seriously doubt anyone from our school district has taken it in the last 3-4 years, and her teachers are probably not even aware that it exists.

Honestly it’s hard to say but I’m guessing she is between S19 and D21 as far as raw intellectual power. Tbh she hasn’t ever tried as hard. They both had very bright and hyper competitive classmates from kindergarten onward. We attended the “gunner” elementary, just by luck of our address. D25 never had that, so she hasn’t ever been really pushed that hard. I will say that starting last year she started trying a lot harder. She wanted to be sure that she was slotted into the honors classes at the HS, so she wanted to have high A’s in all her middle school classes to ensure that happened.

@Publisher I figured that would be a problem. She has done a bit more, but I don’t know that I can really spin it to be that great. I think she is interested in doing more, but just hasn’t here. I know that my feelings on the issue don’t matter, but I wonder really how much a 12 year old’s activity list is driven by the kid rather than the parents. I think that makes more sense in college admissions than BS admissions. I get why they care, I just am a bit unsure how much it tells them about the kid rather than the parents (which I guess reflects poorly on me). If she applies next year rather than this year, I think we can address this point a bit.

How much are they looking for recruitable talent and how much for kids who just want to be involved? @Publisher we have talked about Blair and WS wrestling before. Is that the typical level of involvement they are looking for? Because as you know that is definitely not a garden variety level of involvement. My knowledge of BS is primarily of wrestlers at these 2 schools, and I really only know about the wrestling programs and not much about the schools. I suppose there are equivalent “volleyball schools” that are full of kids who will end up playing for Stanford and Penn State. But are schools also interested in kids who play but are not going to ever reach even D3 college playing ability?

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I need to do some more research obviously.

Here is my initial thought:

Top priority is generous financial aid. Without this, it just isn’t in the cards. I don’t think her HS situation is ideal, but it is probably “fine”. I’m not willing or able to pay college level tuition when she has a decent option that my taxes already pay for. Brooks school listed on their website some ranges for FA based on income, the ranges were fairly large but I’m probably ok in that range. But I don’t know if the kids getting that level of financial aid are future NBA stars and Nobel Laureates or regular kids. I guess this is the initial screening question. If a school fails this, nothing else matters. She can have offers from Phillips Exeter and Deerfield, but if she is full pay she isn’t going.

Her initial thought is she wants coed. I’m not sure if she will flex on that or not. She says she is better friends with guys than with girls. I’m not sure that is accurate, but that’s her opinion as of today. Personally I think that has more to do with the particular girls, not girls in general. I also think an all girls school might keep her out of trouble, she is the one that keeps me up at night worrying. If her best option is an all girls school, then she may have to revisit that bias.

Probably more liberal/progressive than conservative, although a 50/50 mix is ok. Mostly she doesn’t want a culture dominated by conservatives which is what she has now. I’m guessing that’s not an issue most places, but if it is, that’s a deal breaker.

At least average for college prep. She is going to need to do one of 3 things for college, which she is aware of. 1, She can go to a state school, which will be somewhat dominated by the people she wants to avoid. 2, she can go to one of the more elite colleges that has full need financial aid, or 3, she can go to somewhere where she can get a competitive scholarship, which probably means she needs the grades for option 2. As long as she can come out of a BS with a competitive resume for top 100ish schools or scholarships at midrange schools, that is fine. She isn’t trying to get into MIT or Princeton, unless her personality changes she would be miserable at a place like that anyway.

The above are probably screening questions. Either a school passes or fails. Then for schools that pass, here is what she wants.

First and foremost, a kind place, if that makes sense. If the school is full of kids who think they are better than everyone else, she doesn’t want to go there. If it is generally acceptable to talk down about other people, both in and out of the school, she doesn’t want to go there. She is looking for a place where everyone wants to help each other and be kind to each other. I know that is an idealistic view of the way HS works, but it’s the goal at least.

Closely related, I think she would really thrive at a place where service was an important part of the experience. I think she is a latent SJW. Although I think she might be happier actually doing something helping people than protesting something.

She isn’t religious. Some level of religiousness isn’t a deal breaker, but a school where religion is a core part of the experience would be a bad fit. Anything remotely resembling a Christian school is a hard no. Using colleges as an example, by that I don’t mean something like Boston College or Georgetown, those she would be ok with. But BYU or certainly Liberty U are places that would have her running away the first weekend. Not to go down a rabbit hole, but apparently she told my wife she didn’t believe in God a couple days ago. I think sitting in chapel occasionally is fine, giving her testamony or having a religious code they are supposed to follow won’t work. I’m probably elaborating way too much and in a rambling way here, sorry about that.

Collaberative not competitive. I assume everyone says they work hard but aren’t competitive with each other, but I also assume that like colleges the reality is different. She wants to do well, and is willing to work hard. But she isn’t going to be happy in the library studying until midnight every night, surrounded by people who are hesitant to help each other with homework or studying.

She would like to play volleyball, but honestly if it is a competive team that makes deep cuts she probably isn’t making the team. That isn’t a deal breaker but it’s a factor. Her LPS cuts a large number girls who have played club volleyball for years even at the freshman level, and after than it gets substantially tougher. So even though she would like to play my guess is if she stays here it won’t happen.

She doesn’t have a super impressive resume right now. So I don’t know how deep that cuts the top schools from the list, but I’m sure she won’t be competitive for them.

Any suggestions for places to start looking? I’m wondering if the fact that she doesn’t have a competitive resume and the fact that she needs FA will come up with an extremely short or non-existent list of schools. I guess if that’s the case, my second thought would be to find the least competitive among those and see if she can spend a year building a better application package.

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Sorry, one more basic question. I read somewhere else that 10th grade is the typical time to start boarding school. Does that sound accurate? I would have thought 9th, and 10th would be quite a bit more difficult admissions because you are joining an existing class. But that’s just my intuitive thought, I don’t really have any basis for it.

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G8 is probably terminology others are familiar with; I just wasn’t. OK, she is in 8th grade now, applying for 9th in 2021/22, correct? Class of 2025.
My DD3 is same age. (DD2 is class of 2024).
Freshman is the bigger entry point, but junior boarding schools go until 9th grade and then those kids tend to apply for 10th. (Other people also simply apply in 10th, or sometimes even 11th. Also students sometimes repeat a year). Many BS anticipate the arrival of more 10th graders and have space reserved to grow the class. Whether 9th or 10th is harder for admission is probably up for debate and depends on the kid and the year and the school.

For FA, try some looking at some schools that have FA calculators that estimate an actual number. Groton, Exeter, Hotchkiss all have one if memory serves me right.

Schools that we know well because we have visited and toured and interviewed:
Andover, St. Paul’s, Exeter, Deerfield, Hotchkiss, Groton, Middlesex, St. Andrew’s, Taft, Loomis Chaffee, Choate, Lawrenceville. We did not visit, but did interview and applied: Mercersburg, George School, Northfield Mt. Hermon, Kent. She applied to 12 of these (cut out Choate and LV and Exeter for fit reasons and SAS because it was too small, but we LOVED it.)

DD3 is looking at a few of those schools (just a few; she’s not quite the extroverted shark type that her sister is) and also: Berkshire, Culver Academies (probably not a rec for many; it’s in Indiana), Pomfret, Episcopal High School.
We are also considering girl schools: Miss porter’s, Emma Willard, Westover, Madeira, Grier, Chatham Hall, Foxcroft. (note – we. have NOT visited any of these schools as my DD2 was not considering them last year).

Some of these schools have Christian heritage, but none are truly “Christian schools.” (Like, say, Stony Brook, or Portsmouth Abbey, which welcome non-Christians, but are truly Christian schools.). That said, I am Christian so I’ll let someone who is not address if any of the schools above made them feel uncomfortable. (Groton maybe? They do require some kind of spiritual service attendance; does not have to be Christian, but this may be a dealbreaker for your DD.). (Also, note that Groton is reputed to be very intense academically. Still, gosh we LOVED it there!)

We loved a lot but have recently moved to our “probably not” list but definitely worth considering: Tabor, Blair, Millbrook.

I am happy to answer questions about what we have learned over the past year looking at these schools.

If I were to say from what I know which schools might fit the bill for kindness and FA, I would say St. Andrew’s, Mercersburg, George and all the girl school options.

For a more intense experience, I might say: Andover, Groton, Deerfield, Hotchkiss, Exeter, Choate. Note that Exeter and Choate were not fits for us, so DD didn’t apply.

Overall, I would say we were very pleasantly surprised by the generosity of schools FA.

You might find information in considering the higher-endowment schools, who would theoretically have more money for FA. But, there are tons of stories of lower-endowment schools really pulling through for students they love.

Regarding SSAT scores – You are right that the pool is different. My DD scores usually in the 93-99th %-ile on regular state tests. We were floored when she got at 68th %-ile on her first SSAT (including a 38%-ile on verbal)! I will say: we are NOT the family who will spend a year studying vocab for an entrance test. DD did some test review a few hours a week from the Princeton review SSAT prep book I bought on amazon, and she took the test 3 times and ended up at 80th %-ile (82 for gender I think). We are taking the same approach with DD3 – some studying and reviewing of concepts and then she will take it 2-3 times and move on. Students have a rich history that will be apparent in their applications, recommendations, essays and GPA and the SSAT won’t negate all of that. Yes, it’s a data point, but it’s not the narrative. The narrative is more important, IMO. Especially for the less competitive schools, but even for the super competitive ones.

Speaking of the narrative – I will always come back to this: just as there are no small parts; just small actors, there IS a rich narrative about every single person out there. Every kid has done things that they are overlooking. No spinning required. Digging yes. But spinning, no. If your DD does the hard work of that digging, she will come out of this process more in love with herself (in a healthy way) than she was before and THAT is the really the biggest victory, IMO for a 13 year old kiddo – to see her own worth and place at the table. (And remember – they are 13. This isn’t college admissions. It’s ok to be a kiddo! There is beauty in dreaming about the future, even if you have yet “done it all” at the ripe old age of twelve.).

Start looking up schools on boarding schoolreviews. It’s a great place to start baseline comparisons of schools.

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OP
Here’s my two cents, although I think you’ve gotten some great advice from others already. First, I’d Have DD (and yourselves) write down what’s important to have in a school. (Size, location, coed, sports, ECs, special curricula…) then I’d start at boardingschoolreview.com. You can look at practically every coed school in the nation. You can sort by highest SATs, most ECs…practically anything that is important to you. Just note that some schools don’t publish their average SATs to the site, so there will be schools left out of the rankings that actually are in the top 20 for scores. It’s a good place to start, nonetheless.

  1. rankings only matter to those who feel it matters. @Calliemomofgirls is right. Most of the experienced BS people on here will tell you the academics side is extremely strong in the top 50+ schools and will be difficult to differentiate. Your DD will be challenged and surrounded by like-minded people
  2. SSAT scores will not be near the same as standardized testing scores for the general public. They are a sampling of kids trying to get in BS/elite private schools, so she’ll be a percentage of the cream of the crop, so to speak. That said, just like with colleges, it is only a piece of her application puzzle.
  3. BSs are much more generous with FA than colleges. But unlike colleges, you don’t get admitted without FA if you apply for FA. You get waitlisted. So you will need to cast a wide net. And by wide, I mean, don’t go fishing in the same deep elite hole (here we call them the acronym schools).
  4. starting now for an 8th grader is perfect timing. Applications just opened up and they aren’t due until January, at the earliest. And it depends on the maturity of the kid. My son is extremely young compared to his peers, but it would’ve been a huge mistake to wait and repeat for him. A few days after turning 14 he showed up at BS, and ended up being best friends with juniors and seniors, some of which were 19. They are all still very close.
    Also, I’ve known people who decided in December to apply…they got everything done in a month and were accepted to very well-known schools.
  5. Fit is EVERYTHING. Even more so than colleges, IMO. (I have a VI former, so we are doing the college process with him) There are schools who are very academically competitive, academically cooperative but challenging, etc. It is very important to find the right environment for DD. My DD is looking at totally different schools than her brother. You can also look at the hidden gem threads here, the help…add to our list (@calliemomofgirls ?) threads…etc.
    6). There are schools that only want pointy kids. But there are schools who want kids that will try anything and just want to contribute. So, don’t let your daughter’s “lack” of EC/athletic prowess dissuade you. Also, schools can smell the “I participated in this just to pad my application “ a mile away. There’s a school out there for your DD, who will appreciate who she is just how she is. Whatever she does, in this process tell her to stay true to herself and just be her. Y’all will be fine.

The easier part of BS versus college search is that there are much less BSs to sort through. And again, I think most people over here are very helpful. There are those much more seasoned than I, some much newer but all with good intentions, information and insight.

I hope this is helpful. I know you’re getting a deluge of info from a lot of people. Good luck and let me know if I can help in any way!

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Boarding schools are mainly concerned with involvement in a variety of activities. Shows that the student is curious & willing to try new activities.

Participating in athletics, student government, musical instrument or voice lessons, school newspaper, theater, artistic talent, or other creative endeavor, etc. is important as boarding school communities are 7 days a week, 24 hours a day commitment so students must be social, energetic, and engaged.

Idleness / staying to oneself playing video games are viewed as negatives.

P.S. BS applicants can state a desire to participate in a wider variety of activities, but unless from an underprivileged background or otherwise facing substantial barriers to participating in activities (responsible for care of siblings or disabled / elderly), then substantial financial aid is not likely to be awarded.

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Being from an under-represented state, contact schools to find out who your regional AO is. Normally you’d meet them at local BS fairs, if you’re in a major metro area. You can check the schools admissions websites to see if/when they are in your area. Your regional AO is likely to be the best resource for information and the biggest advocate for your child when admissions decisions are made.

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Thanks for the long replies. I’m still not at the point yet where I have one paragraph questions. :smiley:

I’m still kind of thinking that I may be too late for this year.

Technically I’m not, but she has never even heard of the SSAT and I just googled it yesterday. Plus for her siblings we made sure they were getting involved to build a resume after they started HS. For her, honestly it’s a bit of a combination between her effort and mine that she isn’t as involved. We were/are still flooded with activity for her older siblings. Lots of times she was just tagging along. She played soccer for a few years because that was her sister’s sport, but it didn’t really fit her personality or natural abilities so she quit, which was probably a good decision. She is a bit more easy going so wasn’t pushing to do stuff, she just went with the flow. Also her current friend group isn’t exactly setting the world on fire, so she isn’t getting pressure there like her siblings were.

Visiting feels more important than it does for colleges, and I’m in a minority at least on CC thinking that visiting is nice but not critical for that level. It feels a lot scarier sending a 14 year old half way across the country (which is where almost all of the BS are from us) than doing the same for an 18 year old. And visiting isn’t really a viable option right now.

The other issue, beyond the fact that her app will probably be much stronger in a year, is that it is a short window to make a major decision. This was not at all on our radar a week ago. I think if she is ready to commit in the next couple of weeks, we might be able to pull it off, albeit with less options than we would have if she had been preparing sooner. But I’m not sure that any of us are going to be ready to make the commitment so soon. Actually I might, but D and mom probably won’t.

I’m still going to try to get some things figured out now though. One, it will allow her to be much better positioned and informed for next year’s application season, and two, if things turn south for her in the next couple months we still could probably get some apps in for the fall. Right now (less than a week into school) things seem better and she is happier than she has been the last couple of years. She has been getting a bit of negative academic pressure from her friend group, but seems to be on top of not letting that affect her.

We have talked about college quite a bit the last year and especially in the COVID era both because her sister is getting down to crunch time and because we were home a lot more so had more opportunities to have random conversations. She seems to understand that if she wants to have opportunities that the middle 2 siblings have she needs to be a top student. My oldest is on a good path for him, but it’s not one that his siblings have any interest in following. I think she is adequately terrified of spending her whole life in this town to keep her nose to the grindstone and do what is necessary to have a good application come senior year. But she is the one that if she had an opportunity to make that leap a few years early would probably jump at it. So I guess that’s why I’m looking into this.

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@dadof4kids I looked into BS a few years ago for one of my kids - a very bright SJW, who was getting tired of the mean girls at her school. She ended up transferring to a different HS in our area and has been very happy. Of the schools that I researched (and I did not do an exhaustive search), I really liked the George School in PA (closest major airport is Philadelphia). It’s a Quaker school that emphasizes kindness and inclusivity. I don’t know about the financial aid piece. While rigorous academically, admissions seemed a bit less competitive than some other options.

https://www.georgeschool.org

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Just chiming in to say I wouldn’t focus all that much on the “acronym” schools. It sounds to me like a smaller, kindness-focused school, would be potentially the best fit. I know there are a bunch of schools that could be described this way; the one I’m familiar w/the most is Millbrook, and I highly recommend it.

Millbrook does not award financial aid to all students who need it (because they don’t have the endowment that would allow them to). However, I suspect they deploy their financial aid strategically, to get kids they really want to get. Coming from an underrepresented part of the country would be a plus. Your daughter wouldn’t have had to have figured out “her passion” at age 12 to get admitted there.

Aren’t most boarding schools test optional for the upcoming school year?

Finally, the thing that sets Millbrook apart from any other high school in the US is that they have an accredited zoo, which is focused on conservation work, and for the right kid, can be life changing.

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I looked on a couple websites and didn’t see anything about test optional. I know almost all colleges are. Can someone chime in about whether BSs are going TO this year? Or point me in the direction to find that information? Like I said, I looked at George School and a few others and it sounded like business as normal for applicants. For colleges, most have something front and center on their website about how this affects applications this fall.

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I do think the Quaker ethos would be a good fit for her. Right now she is saying she wants big not small, but I don’t know that really is the right direction for her. There are probably 1600 kids in our HS, so that is what she has always expected. I think her concern is finding her tribe at a small school. My hunch is that finding her tribe at a BS with 200 kids will be much easier than at her LPS with 1600. Very different demographic, with lots more like minded kids than she is used to. Plus I’m guessing at BS lots of kids show up without a friend group. So that would make it a bit easier to find friends, as most kids will be friend shopping that first year.