Conflicting emotions throughout this whole thing!

Applying to College
1

<p>Initially I was apathetic (my freshman/sophomore years) about the whole college admissions process.
Then I got really into it the end of my junior year.
I was sort of doing things on my own after 8th grade and my whole medical condition (resulted in brain damage -__-) since my family has some major issues but now that it's coming to an end I'm seeing my friends get into all of these awesome schools (one girl got into Princeton and Harvard) but I didn't make the deadline for the SAT 2's.
Not too many people (at least that I know of) take them at my school and the whole of my student body goes to state schools and that sort of thing. I told my counselor when I transferred my sophomore year that I wanted to aim high (Duke was my dream school because I had made it to National Recognition in 7th from the ACT) and any help would be great. When I went to visit him on the SAT/ACT my junior year he never mentioned the SAT 2's...or anything that would help me.
I only found out about all of these things when I tuned into Collegeconfidential later on in my junior year/early senior year, but by that time my parents were in the middle of a divorce and I was living with my dad. I don't know if I could concentrate.
Basically I have these things to sort out:
- Don't want to seem/feel/be victimized
- Want to be genuinely happy for friend(s)<br>
- One day want to make it to the ivy league (if my field is a specialty for said school and it's a 'fit', etc.) or a comparable LAC for graduate school.
I've been keeping this all to myself because I am being happy for my friend(s) that got into awesome schools because they definitely deserve it. It's a lot of hard work and talent that goes into a college acceptance, y'know.
The silver lining is that I was accepted for Fall term at the flagship state university (top 20 public). It was just a hard fall..going from being the great smart kid with a lot going for her to being the one with brain damage and a messed up family. I take responsibility for what I could control (my grades, ECs, and test scores) and that I did not put enough effort into the two latter to rightfully earn me any kind of spot other than what I've been offered. </p>

<p>Is it odd for me to feel bummed about something that so many other kids at my school would absolutely kill for? I just feel...stupid about it all. But sort of justified. Meh, refer to title.</p>

2

<p>These feelings will subside in a couple of days. Just understand that college is a fresh start, and all these goals that you had for undergrad can be achieved for grad school, where it really counts.</p>

3

<p>Agh it’s been a few days already and I still feel mopey. I exercise regularly and treated myself to a waffle bowl today at a delicious icecream place with a friend. It’s been this way for a while. I just feel that given my school…my friends will be like, “ARE YOU CRAZY??” for what I’m feeling now.</p>

4

<p>Don’t worry about what your friends think about your feelings. It is okay to feel a little let down by the process - which is NOT easy - and by all that you and your family have been through. On the other hand, try to look back and see that you have made it through some pretty rough times and that despite what could have been very significant setbacks, you will be going to a good school in the fall which will open up new opportunities for learning, growning as a person and making new friends. If you focus on the positives, you will eventually get through these conflicting feelings and realize that things are going in a positive direction. If you can, enjoy your last weeks/months in high school and know that wonderful new experiences are just around the corner. Perhaps you can join a facebook page for newly accepted students at the school you will attend - “chatting” with those who are looking forward to going there can help you feel good about your school. HTH and I wish you all the best.</p>