<p>I feel like my parents have really killed my passions. I used to love ice skating but when I wanted to compete, they said I was getting too serious and I quit. I loved guitar and violin but when I started middle school, they said it was time to get serious about my grades and I quit. I loved reading science fiction but again, it was time to get serious and I was limited to newspaper, of which I'm always skeptical and dislike. Now I don't do sports or instruments. I have very few interests, and the few I do have are just of-the-minute passions I'll probably lose in a few weeks. My mom in particular is very set in her ways (read: the ways of 30+ years past) and wants me to take general classes, to write general essays, to do general ECs, etc. It makes me so frustrated and she always brushes me off. When people ask what I want to be when I grow up I usually panic and blurt the first thing that comes to mind (doctor "or something" is my go-to). I am incredibly jealous when people talk about their passions and seem so happy it's sickening (I'm rather jaded/bitter if you haven't noticed).</p>
<p>Is there hope for me to get into good colleges (Rice, Stanford, and Berkeley mainly) despite lacking real extra curriculars? I do NHS and volunteering (hospital, museum) and I have a slight leadership position at the museum. I applied for a computer science internship last year but I was poorly qualified because again, my parents wouldn't let me pursue something I was even mildly interested in (chemistry). My mom then lied and told me it was my fault for not applying for a chemistry position. Sigh...</p>
<p>tl;dr- I have no passions, it's probably my parents' fault, and I'm worried it comes off poorly to colleges. Are my college applications prematurely dead?</p>
<p>Is it your parents or is it you? Do you instantly do what they say or do you fight for what you want? It almost sounds like they challenge you, you hate the criticism or conflict, roll over, and then blame them.</p>
<p>You need to grow a spine, take some responsibility for your life, and stand up for your “passions”. If you let everything go so easily, it hardly sounds like a passion. At the same time, your parents can also be wiser than you and sometimes know what they’re talking about. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.</p>
<p>Totally agree with MrMom. You are now 16 or 17 – blaming the parents isn’t going to solve anything. Take this weekend and think about what you like to do. Here is an example that occurred at our HS. A junior boy’s parents were complaining about how their kid did nothing, played video games all day. The counselor spoke to the boy, and yes, he was pretty apathetic about everything except vegging and playing video games. So she helped the boy spend a week following a programmer around at a local video game company. He was hooked. He interned that summer for free, and then that fall, he applied to colleges that offered gaming/computer animation degrees. What DO you like to do? Forget what “looks good” or “what other kids do”. What brings a smile to your face? Reading research manuals? Reading historical biographies? Taking things apart and putting them back together? Let’s figure out what you like to do. And learn to tell your parents this is what you want – if need be, ask your guidance counselor to have a meeting and act as a moderator between you and your parents. Best of luck.</p>
<p>OP, sorry to hear about your domineering parents. The good news is that you will soon be free at college and can pursue whatever passions you want to (and read sci fi to your heart’s content when you have time between studying!). I suspect there isn’t a lot you can do, honestly, if what you are saying about your parents is true. If they are even restricting what you are reading, then this is a bigger issue than “grow a spine”.</p>
<p>I think your title is wrong, you have passions, you just aren’t allowed to pursue them… </p>
<p>I am guessing Rice and Berkley are good possibilities if you have strong grades and test scores. Stanford… well, top ECs are pretty important there.</p>
<p>Not to set your parents off on a tangent (cuz then they might go crazy in the other direction!), but you might ask your mom to read this book:</p>
<p>How to Be a High School Superstar: A Revolutionary Plan to Get into College by Standing Out (Without Burning Out) by Cal Newport</p>
<p>It helps show why interesting ECs beat “general” ECs every time. It is a little late in the game to pursue his strategy, but maybe you can get their blessing to do something more interesting next summer.</p>
<p>Kids with passions fight for them. They do. Would you say that you have fought for your passions? Have you had real, rational conversations with your parents? Why would you give up instruments because your parents said time for serious study? Can’t you do both? Even if they refused to pay for lessons or drive you there, there is a ton of self-study that can be done. You can’t read science fiction? What about bedtime? What about on the bus ride home? What about at lunch time at school? I find it hard to believe they could really stop you from that. Heck, my 9-year old managed to read a book I’d asked her to wait on… grabbed a copy from a teenager, read it at recess everyday, came to me when she was done because she had a list of topic points she wanted to discuss. Honestly, I was too impressed to be angry. That was the last time I questioned her reading material.</p>
<p>Look, I get it. I was a teenager once. I blamed my parents for a lot of my own failures. I left for college and didn’t talk to them for a full year. Know what I discovered? My failures were my own. I made all the same mistakes even when they weren’t around. It just hurts less to blame others than to really accept that maybe you haven’t found what you love, maybe your lack of follow-through is internal, maybe you are easily talked out of things because part of you is really freaked out about failing. Reality for me was that my parents were flying blind. I never really talked to them. I assumed a lot about how they felt. If they questioned or showed even slight resistance to what I was doing, I just dropped it… no conversation… didn’t fight for understanding… didn’t express how much it meant… just gave up and got angry and thought I was actually punishing THEM by my actions. As an adult, I recognize that I was raised in a safe home by people who loved me. Sure, they weren’t perfect but neither was I. I don’t say this stuff to put you down or dismiss your frustrations with your parents. I just know from experience that the sooner you let go of how external forces held you back, the sooner you will be embracing your internal drive and moving forward.</p>
<p>Your EC’s are just fine. It’s all in how you sell them. If you write a bitter essay about how your parents killed your dreams and you got stuck working at a hospital and a museum then “no” you won’t be getting in. Especially when it’s next to some kid who grew up in the foster care system because his mom was a crack addict and still managed to get top grades and be a part of the community. However, if you share what you have learned in these areas with enthusiasm, then sure, why couldn’t you get into any of those colleges?</p>