<p>I've applied to many 6 year PharmD programs and I've miraculously got into all of them. My dream school is to go to Northeastern however, my mother wants me to go to UOP (University of the Pacific) since it's closer to home so I can stay in CA. I really dislike the school because there's really nothing to do there and it's barren. My mom says it doesn't even matter, you're not going to stay there forever. In addition the costs of attending both schools are roughly the same but my mom argues that the cost of living is much higher in Boston. </p>
<p>I really want to go to Northeastern and go to the east coast to experience new and different things because that's what college is about right? I think I'd become more independent that way but my mom argues that I can be independent 2 hours from home, she wouldn't bother me. but that's not the issue. The fact that I'll be 2 hours from home makes it easier for me to just rely on her. </p>
<p>My father left us 2 years ago and we're not in the best situation right now. I also have a grandma and younger brother and she insists that I go to UOP (though I've applied to other UC's as well and would rather go to a UC than UOP). The thing is, I've listened to my mother my whole life. I've never done anything she never wanted me to do. I even picked a major in the medical field because I know that's what she wants. I just don't understand why she won't let me make this one choice. And she tells me that, "You've listened to me all this time, why won't you listen to me again?" I feel like my mother's controlled me too much.
Am I wrong? Maybe I'm just selfish for wanting to go far away from home. I need some help. We've been arguing over this topic for a really long time now and it always ends with me balling my eyes out waking up the next day with swollen eyes.</p>
<p>Pay attention to the full Cost of Attendance that each university has posted on its website. Do these two universities list any different factors? What would your travel expenses be like if you go home for Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, and summer vacation? Take into account that you might be buying one way tickets on short notice. Where, exactly is the money coming from for your education? What might you change your major to if Pharma turns out to be the wrong choice? Can your family justify the distance and expense for a different major at Northeastern if you drop Pharma?</p>
<p>It may look to you like the difference in cost is minimal, but if your mom is struggling with a tight budget, the difference might not look minimal at all to her. She may have other places she needs to use that money.</p>
<p>Your mother is right: Boston is one of the most expensive cities in the country. Then there’s the cost of traveling to consider: you’ll be going home/to school at least a couple of times a year, always at the most expensive time. That alone will set you back hundreds of dollars a year. Housing and food - yikes. Higher in Boston, no doubt. That too could add up to hundreds of dollars per year. (I’m a mom whose kiddo went to Northeastern. I know of what I speak!) </p>
<p>None of which means you have to go to UoP. I think the UCs are a fabulous option; Californians are lucky to have these amazing schools - widely considered to be among the top publics in the US, and internationally – in their back yards. Many offer exciting and interesting student experiences as well. So go ahead and explore the UCs so that you can intelligently argue to your mom in their favor. Figure out the savings you’d have by going to a UC versus UoP. (The numbers alone might convince her.) Their rankings nationally. The top grad schools that UC grads get into. If you approach this in a calm, rational and informed manner, your ‘controling’ mom may be easier to persuade than you think. Good luck!</p>
<p>Sometimes us Moms know what is right for our kids and sometimes…we just think we do:p Either way, she probably means well and I can guarantee you that she is sad just thinking about you being gone from home. All of us parents feel that pain. Maybe she is financially strapped because of the loss of your father’s income and is too embarrassed to tell you. </p>
<p>Is your mom paying for your college? Maybe you can compromise on a different school. What are your top 3 choices? If not PharmaD, then what? </p>
<p>Take a serious look at the travel logistics/cost from home to Northeastern assuming a minimum of twice per year. </p>
<p>Please know that your house is not the only one with high stress regarding college decisions. I suppose if our kids had funded their own way that we would have let them go anywhere they wanted, but that was not the case and we had some serious input.</p>
<p>What are the FA pkgs like for each school? include breakdowns.
What are the COAs for each school? Include breakdowns.</p>
<p>Your mom is right about a couple of things…Boston is expensive…but ALSO the travel costs back and forth between the two states may be far more than she can handle and your FA won’t likely cover those costs. My sister has a son at Tufts and she has to spend a LOT of money for one way tix in Fall (plus shuttle), round trip at Christmas plus shuttle (at high price time), and one way tix back home in May.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for everyone’s inputs. But I really don’t understand why my mom won’t let me go to a UC? In terms of cost, going to a UC is much cheaper than UoP. She says I’ll have to go to grad school and that would cost more but I don’t even know for sure if I want to become a pharmacist anymore. Like I only picked this job because my mother would agree.</p>
<p>xLefty-
Your mother’s controlling behavior is her reaction to your father’s abandonment of the family.
She is emotionally unstable and holding you tighter in her grip the more you try to squirm away.
Since she is paying you have NO choice but to go to UOP.
If you stay in PharmD, UOP is a terrific school to get you to pass your exams and closer to a job and financial freedom away from your mother.</p>
<p>Dry your tears. She will not let you go away to NE or a far UC. Accept it.</p>
<p>You do not have to come home on weekends or holidays.
Just schedule classes on Friday and Monday and tell her you have lab/study groups on Saturday.</p>
<p>Get a significant other/tight group of friends to rely on and enjoy your time at UOP.
Because Stockton is so dismal you will make great friends to study with and hang out on campus.
Everyone is in the same awful trenches builds a camaraderie with your fellow UOPers.
Your group will find their own fun.
2 hours is far enough to have a private life away from your mother.<br>
Do not let her know you plan to move away after UOP.
You can make it on your own.
Time to grow up.
Good luck.</p>
<p>Wo. Hold on. I think spending 6 years at a college just because it’s what mom wants is a very bad idea if you are not SURE that you want pharm for a major.</p>
<p>I would slow down, take a deep breath and give this a little more thought. Do some research on the UCs. Find out what majors they offer, what the percentage is of kids who go on to medical field grad programs, etc. Maybe talk to your mom with another trusted adult present to act as a moderator during the discussion (guidance counselor, maybe? or a trusted teacher?)</p>
<p>Signing on for four years in a major that you are not sure of, and that you chose to please mom is a very expensive mistake to make. Not just in lost money but in lost time and lost relationships.</p>
<p>*Thank you so much for everyone’s inputs. But I really don’t understand why my mom won’t let me go to a UC? In terms of cost, going to a UC is much cheaper than UoP. She says I’ll have to go to grad school and that would cost more but I don’t even know for sure if I want to become a pharmacist anymore. Like I only picked this job because my mother would agree.
*</p>
<p>Do you know that a UC would be cheaper? What are the FA pkg breakdowns? </p>
<p>also, please find out what the aid would be at UOP once you’re considered to be in the grad school portion. Your mom may not realize that much of the aid will disappear as soon as you’re considered to be in the PharmD program. You won’t get Pell, Cal Grants, and possibly other UOP grants at that point. Those grants are only for the undergrad years. In those “combo” programs, at some point you’re no longer considered to be an undergrad…probably after the 3rd year…so maybe only 3 years of good aid, and then pricey UOP prices for the last 3 years.
’
Of course if you don’t want to be a PharmD that’s a whole 'nother issue.</p>
<p>If you have the costs covered, you can go where ever you choose. I think your mother will come around in time. But if you need funding from her, you cannot expect her to pay for what she does not want. It comes down to simply that. You are legally an adult at 18 and your parent does not HAVE to give you a dime, but when it comes to college costs, their financial are what primarily drive what you will get in financial aid, and few 18 year olds can afford to get the cost of college on their own. </p>
<p>I think she would prefer to have you closer because then you will be more available as a resource if she needs help and of course, as a mom, is going to have a tough time letting you go, especially given some of the things that have happened. It’s really up to you as to whether you have to or can convince her.</p>
<p>I’ve received the FA package from UCSD today and it would cost around 9k per year. As for UoP, they’ve only notified me of a $12500 scholarship for the first year; however I haven’t received my FA package from UoP yet.
Thanks mom2collegekids! I didn’t know that the aid disappears as soon as you’ve been considered to be in the PharmD program. I’ll look into that.</p>
<p>Have your mother or father shared with your what dollar amount (if any) they are going to contribute? It can be hard for some parents to discuss this info, but you really need the answer so you can make a decision. It is also important for you to understand if there are any conditions attached to their contribution - One poor grade and the money goes away, will they pay for an extra year, must get a part time job, must be within a 4 hour drive, etc.</p>
<p>Congrats on the UCSD financial package. $9000 a year is still a ton of money for your mom to come up with, especially if things are as you said “tough right now”. </p>
<p>Maybe you could lay out a grid for your mom with all the plus/minus and finance $$. it might help to take the emotion out of the discussion.</p>
<p>Yes, the unfortunate fact is that your mother has complete control over your college choices, because financial aid is determined by her financials (including her willingness to give information for financial aid paperwork), but she has no obligation to contribute.</p>
<p>If you want to be free of her control in terms of college choices that you need financial aid to attend, you need to wait until you are 24, married, or a military veteran.</p>
<p>If I were a single mom with my mother, a younger kid at home and things are tough, yes, I would rather have my college aged kid closer rather than farther. But if things are not so good money wise, have you thought about how you are going to pay for all of this, both you and your mother? Did NE require a NCP waiver from you for financial aid? As someone else brought up, you should also discuss with each school, how your UG/Grad student status changes and when, and what ramification that has for your financial aid and what options are out there at each school. Be aware that your guaranteed loan options are limited to $5500 without involvement of a cosigner. </p>
<p>Really, until you have all the financial aid and final costs in hand, you don’t know what you can afford. Also now that the time is coming to make a commitment, your mother is going to have to think about costs too. It might be worth it to her to pay extra to have your closer and more available if she needs some help.</p>
<p>*I’ve received the FA package from UCSD today and it would cost around 9k per year. As for UoP, they’ve only notified me of a $12500 scholarship for the first year; however I haven’t received my FA package from UoP yet.</p>
<p>Thanks mom2collegekids! I didn’t know that the aid disappears as soon as you’ve been considered to be in the PharmD program. I’ll look into that.*</p>
<p>What is your EFC? </p>
<p>When you say that UCSD expects you to pay $9k, does that include loans? What is the breakdown of your FA pkg? </p>
<p>IF you’ve only rec’d a $12,500 scholarship from UOP so far, stop arguing with your mom. lol The problem may resolve itself. The school doesn’t meet need and may gap you big time. If so, then your mom will have to accept that UOP isn’t affordable. Right? </p>
<p>Did you try the NPC on UOP’s website? If not, do so and tell us the results.</p>
<p>Yes, much of your aid will disappear once you’re a grad student. Cal Grant gone. Pell Grant gone. Neither Pell nor Cal Grants are awarded for grad school. </p>
<p>You’ll also have to check to see if your UOP merit scholarship is for 3 years? 4 years? 6 years? </p>
<p>Also, how much has your mom said that she’ll contribute each year for college? </p>
<p>What other UCs are you waiting to hear from? If you’re accepted to a lower ranked UC, you might get a better pkg with some merit.</p>
<p>xLefty, I agree with those who say you need to get all the financial aid stuff straightened out first to figure out what you think you and your mom can afford…</p>
<p>You mention that you’ve been arguing with your mom for a long time. Do you think you could call a time out for a week, and then take her out to lunch, tell her how much she means to you, how much you appreciate all she’s done, how you value her sticking by you when your dad left, and asking her to listen to the reasons why you love Northeastern/UC- and why it is your dream school? Then show her the financials? You should remind her that you will always love her and she will always be important to you and that you have every intention to spend summers at home. This might not work, but it’s worth a try if she is at all reasonable. If she lets you go, honor the commitment to come home for the summer; it seems like a good compromise.</p>
<p>Thank you for everyone’s comments and suggestions. I’ll wait until I receive the financial aid package from UoP and then straighten out all the figures.
Me estimated EFC is $707 and this is the FA package that UCSD gave me:
[Image</a> - ■■■■■■■ - Free Image Hosting, Photo Sharing & Video Hosting](<a href=“http://■■■■■■■.com/r/j59tw1/6]Image”>http://■■■■■■■.com/r/j59tw1/6)</p>
<p>I can’t read that itty bitty image, and I’m not squinting to try to do so.</p>
<p>If your EFC is $707, your mother is seriously hurting financially. Every dollar counts that level. And having you around also is probably a great value too. I think you need to sit down and figure out how you are going to pay for all of this, as really, you can’t expect your mother to pay for much, if anything. And not just for the one year either, but for the entire program. </p>
<p>Where are you thinking of getting the $9K to go to USD? Yes, it’s a great deal, but coming up with $9K is not easy. Really, can your mother afford to pay or borrow that, or should she even be thinking about paying or borrowing in her financial situation? Does she have that kind of money lying around? You must have some idea what your family situation is.</p>
<p>I don’t believe personally that once one becomes an adult and is seeing to become self sufficient, that the parental situation is one to necessarily take upon oneself, as it could drag a person down and have him lose that opportunity to be of greater help later. However, that doesn’t mean plundering what little is left for the family to further ones goals. If you can afford to do all of this yourself, well and good. If you have some idea that your mother can maybe help you, and with a $700 EFC, I sure don’t see it unless grandma has some money, then you have to do as she says as she has some things she wants out of this too, like having you nearby.</p>
<p>8Where are you thinking of getting the $9K to go to USD? Y</p>
<p>UCSD has offered most of that in fed student loans…Stafford and Perkins. Plus work study. Look at the link he posted. </p>
<p>Ok…so when comparing apples with apples, for UCSD, you probably need to include the non-Plus loans and workstudy. So, it looks like with Stafford and Perkins loans, and with work study, nearly all of your COA is covered. </p>
<p>Can you work over the summer? If so, then those dollars can cover your EFC, dorm stuff, and anything else that’s needed. </p>
<p>BTW…do you live near a UC that you’ve applied to? Do you live far from UCSD? Calif is a big state, so if you’re in Northern Cal and need to get to Southern Cal, that’s not easy doings sometimes for a single mom.</p>
<p>What other UCs did you apply to? What other schools did you apply to?</p>