<p>My youngest daughter is in her last year of high school and she have talked about it since middle school and planned for her to attend a college out of state 1500miles away from home. Now that we're in the last year of school shes back peddling its the boy friend its her best friend they want her to stay within the state and since the college out west is a christian college we get a huge discount for membership , 7400.00 a yr ful time tuition including room and board, two square meals a day.</p>
<p>Now she wants to go to a college her best friend is going to attend but has quit two other colleges, its 388.00 a credit a huge difference in cost . </p>
<p>we talked and all of a sudden shes a afraid of moving out of state with no family and friends and i understand that completely but her friend and boy friend are feeding her fears for there own selfish needs when you tell her thats what your seeing she saids no its just her.</p>
<p>We said ok in the spring we'll take you out there and we'll stay for 4-5 day and tour the campus and dorms , she said she would like to but shes afraid to because we might get mad if she still doesnt want to stay.</p>
<p>what the heck do you do now, im not paying 388.00 a credit and she would have to move on campus there to....</p>
<p>Ask her to trust you for 9 months. If it doesn't work out, then tell her that it is her life and she is free to attend any college that she likes so long as she pays the difference in cost.</p>
<p>yeah, I agree if she would trust me I think she would find out that its not as bad as she thinks it would be , and we have to pay all the tuition she isnt going to be able to pay, we would have all the student loans in our name even co-signing loans.</p>
<p>I feel for your daughter and for you too. It must be quite scary for her to think of leaving you, her friends, her home, and everything familiar. She can't imagine yet what the upside will be - new and interesting people and experiences. </p>
<p>I wonder if you could contact the college and ask if there are one or two students who are at the college now, who also come from your area. She could ask them about what it was like to make this move, what concerns they had, and what got them past their worries.</p>
<p>seems like you need to take her out there right now. A 3-4 day weekend. Make sure she spends the night in a dorm and meets with an admissions counselor and goes to a class. Promise her that she can come home every X number of weeks...6?*? and that you will fly her BF and GF out 1 time each...blah blah. She needs to know that they will still be in her life and this really ends up being about (real) $$$. But if you wait until spring she will have herself convinced that she does not want to go.</p>
<p>Your daughter picked out the college when she was in middle school? Am I reading this correctly? </p>
<p>She is not the person now that she was in middle school. She should be applying to a range of colleges that she likes now for the person she is now, and if the college she picked out when she was in middle school isn't among them, it's not among them.</p>
<p>Have you talked over finances with your daughter? She needs to know how much you will be able to contribute to her college expenses (however you decide to pay for them) so she knows what the budget is for college.</p>
<p>If she doesn't want to go to a Christian college 1500 miles away from home, please don't force or guilt her into going. If finances are an issue (as with most families), perhaps she can apply to a couple of instate public colleges. Give her some choices.</p>
<p>I agree with the others--I missed that this was a decision made a long time ago. Still, if she is at all interested, now would be the time to have her visit and check it out. If she is clear that she is not then it is time to switch gears.</p>
<p>owlice's advice is dead-on. Your D will grow and change in the next 7 months in addition to the 4 + years she has had since it was decided that she would attend this specific school. Give her options now to counter balance what her bf and bff are offering but also make sure she understands what you can, and are willing to pay, for her education.</p>
<p>no, it was in middle school when she decided to go out west and up til three wks ago still willing to go , the first college was Hawaii but it has a 5% approval rate for main landers so she picked last fall the other college still out west.</p>
<p>Its not that its a christian college its the friends and only the friends and yes shes scared to be that far from home but I know there feeding her fears. I know its scarey and i would be concerned if she wasnt be her fears were normal up until her GF wanted her to attend the same college as her but she quites everytime her GF starts a few classes,......why would I want her to go to a college with her "birds of a feather flock together " shes not going to leave a frat (sp) party and go back to the dorm and study while Katie stays and parties, its not going to happen, I was young too.</p>
<p>Reading your post forces me to recall the time when I was applying to college. I had a bff and a boyfriend, and I did not want to go away to school. Basically my parents said "You're going away", and I did.I needed them to say that, because I was scared of the unknown. I did, however, choose a college only 5 hours away by car and 3 by train, so I could come home as often if I wanted to. I rarely did, and dumped the boyfriend almost as soon as I got there! i am so glad I went away! I would suggest, as others already have, that you look for schools within a reasonable drive, so she can come home easily if she decides she wants to. She probably won't, but if she feels she has to go so far away she can't come home as often as she thinks she might like, she will continue to be miserable.</p>
<p>we dont have the kind of college here that gives us the cost we need to get her through college , she isnt going to beable to pay for any of the expense. she tryed to find some students through the My Space searches but didnt seem to get anywhere.</p>
<p>Maybe she really doesn't want to go out west anymore, and she's using fear to tell you. She's a completely different person than she was in middle school.</p>
<p>Everyone thinks the west coast is super glamorous, especially when they're younger, because they think of Disneyland and Hollywood. I think you need to find out why she really wanted to come here. If it's for that reason (or any other superficial reason), she shouldn't go away. It'll crumble within 5 minutes. Especially if she drives.</p>
<p>The idea hit her in middle school but she was planning it up to 2-3 weeks ago thats when she changed her mind , her and her boy friend thought they were both going out there together that wasnt going to happen. so now she isnt going and wants to go with a GF that quits everytime she starts. its just drama.</p>
<p>^I understand...it just seems that YOU'RE more attached to the idea than SHE is.</p>
<p>If it were really what she wanted, she wouldn't let a BF/GF stand in her way.</p>
<p>If she wants to go another way, let her. If you can't afford it, tell her to get a job. I don't understand this "she can't pay anything" business. Kids do it under very difficult circumstances every day. This is HER decision. If she is unhappy where she ends up, she can always transfer.</p>
<p>When I was in middle school I was convinced that I was going to NYU. When I changed my mind, my parents supported me. I would've been heartbroken if they forced me to go.</p>
<p>There is still time for her to apply to some other colleges.</p>
<p>She needs to know what the family's financial situation is.</p>
<p>If the only choice is between this church-affiliated college and the local community college, then that may be the choice she has to make. But it's better than having no choice at all.</p>