Convincing my parents to let me go to college out of town

Parent Cafe
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<p>Right now, I'm blessed to have an acceptance from Vanderbilt. Apparently, the acceptance rate this year was only about 12%, which was a shock from me. However, now I'm afraid that despite my other acceptances, Vanderbilt will be the only school my parents will allow me to go to. You see, my parents are adamant about letting me stay as close to them as possible. Now, we can debate all day whether Vandy would be a good choice for me or the what not. However, I'd like to be able to choose a college without it being based on the following two things:</p>

<ol>
<li>My parents thinking I'm totally incapable of handling myself without them being around me 24/7.</li>
<li>My parents thinking by going up north, I will always be catching colds and getting sick, ruining my academic career forever.</li>
</ol>

<p>First of all, I can openly admit I'm not the most responsible and conscientious person. But I don't think that automatically means I need to be under my parents' supervision all the time. I know how to go to a dining hall to get food, and even though I should do it more often, I'm perfectly capable of doing my laundry. And although it's not the same as being at school for a semester, I had a stellar four weeks this summer at Governor's School, in which my parents visited only once for a visitor's weekend. (And I think I would've been perfectly fine if they hadn't visited) I guess I lose things a lot, but my parents can't help with that if I'm living in a dorm room. Furthermore, I think by being next to them all the time, there's no way I'm going to be more independent anyways.</p>

<p>Secondly, even though it's been disproved, my parents think that the cold is what gives people cold. They're big believers in traditional Chinese medicine (especially my mom, despite being a doctor), and I'm constantly reminded to wear socks so my feet won't get cold. I'm not sure how much I'd like to deal with Northern weather. However, my parents aren't the ones going to college - I am, and I think that this factor should be left to me to decide.</p>

<p>I'm really grateful for a lot of the support my parents have provided me. However, even though I've tried to get to them multiple times, they aren't convinced I can live away from Nashville yet, let alone go to Massachusetts or the like. What can I say to my parents that might let them reconsider letting me go out of town for college?</p>

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<p>1. My parents thinking I’m totally incapable of handling myself without them being around me 24/7.
2. My parents thinking by going up north, I will always be catching colds and getting sick, ruining my academic career forever.</p>

<p>As for the first thing…this is common. The cure is easy…</p>

<p>1) Take care of your own stuff…know where your stuff is, don’t ask M&D to find things for you, don’t leave any messes around, go to bed on time, get up in the morning without being prompted, do your chores without being asked, do your own laundry, do EXTRA chores without being asked, have all of your school stuff together so you’re not looking for books, homework, jackets, etc. </p>

<p>2) The second part is odd. You say that your mom is a doctor. Am I confusing you with another student? Aren’t you the one that has the near-full-ride to Dartmouth? If so, how did you qualify for that if your mom is a physician? Or do I have you confused with another student?</p>

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<p>I guess I should start doing that, but I need to change my parents’ mind before May 1st or so.</p>

<p>No, I’m not that student. I didn’t apply to Dartmouth, for one thing.</p>

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<p>Mom2CollegeKids, you’re thinking of OSHUNLIDE.</p>

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<p>First of all, congratulations on your admission to Vanderbilt. You are clearly such a great student.</p>

<p>Listen, you may think your parents want you nearby to be able to watchover you, but based on your posts, I think they want you nearby so they can see you. I think, based on your posts, that I would miss you, too, if I were your mom and dad.</p>

<p>That said, will they allow you to live on campus? My daughter goes to an urban school, and she has freinds with nearby parents, and they live on campus. She goes to see THIER parents all the time. Loves it. They eat something good, hang out, do some laundry.</p>

<p>It’s not a bad deal. I’m actually pretty glad she’s the type to get “adopted.”</p>

<p>Anyway, if they will let you live on campus, it’s not as bad as it sounds.</p>

<p>Good luck to you. There are worse things than being loved. ;)</p>

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<p>Poetgrl that is the sweetest, most affirming post ever! </p>

<p>Jumping to OP’s question

you might ask them how they got to Nashville or wherever you now live? At some point in one’s life, it’s good to be able to make a free choice. Maybe this is your time. </p>

<p>You might even end up deciding Vandy is best for you, but after all the efforts to apply and get accepted, at least you should be able to choose from among these places.</p>

<p>On maturity, you won’t change their opinion of you in a few weeks but you certainly could make a strikingly different presentation as described in post #2. When they notice, you can say that the prospect of choosing a college was a huge wake-up call to you and you’ve decided to clean up your act. Hmmm. Maybe they’ll be impressed.</p>

<p>I have a neighbor who is not Chinese but a sophisticated, professional Asian woman who’s lived around the globe. That mom definitely wanted her daughter to have all the domestic lessons in good order before she left home for college. I never fully grasped it, but she believed she had a deadline to lay down all these organizational lessons, on a rather disorganized daughter, before that loaded van left home on September 1. In the end, the daughter couldn’t fully satisfy the mom, but away she went. It was hardest on the Mom because she didn’t feel she had completed her job. It was very entangled and I couldn’t get beyond the cultural differences. I assumed my D would continue to grow and develop domestic skills after departing. My neighbor’s D was so certain of the conflict you’re now experiencing that she didn’t apply to the university in our city.</p>

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<p>Poetgirl: Apparently with Vandy, you have to live on campus at least for Freshman year unless your family lives in Davidson County (Nashville). We don’t, so away to campus I go.</p>

<p>And thanks! I almost didn’t see the nice message you had there. I really appreciate it.</p>

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<p>Are you afraid this is what’s going to happen because they’ve said something recently that makes you fear this? Or are you doing what I like to do, borrowing worry?</p>

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<p>My parents have seemed to really want me to go there for a long time. Now that I’ve gotten accepted to Vandy, they haven’t mentioned any of my other acceptances. I suppose it’s the right combination for them - it’s the closest AND most prestigious school I’ve gotten into.</p>

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<p>*Mom2CollegeKids, you’re thinking of OSHUNLIDE.
*</p>

<p>Ahh…thanks. :)</p>

<p>So…chao…which school do you really want to go to?</p>

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<p>I didn’t want to go to my state flagship less than 10 miles from home but had a wonderful experience by being on campus instead of commuting. If Vanderbilt seems to be a good fit academically for you don’t worry about the nearness. College campuses are their own world. Make sure your parents don’t expect to see you every week. Plan on a weekly phone call but no going home with your laundry or weekly home cooked meals. You don’t have to emphasize this now, wait until fall and just make plans to be on campus like the out of town students. Once you have left the nest it will be easier to plan on being away again your second and the rest of your college experience. Only choose one of the other colleges if they offer equivalent academics for you.</p>

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<p>Exactly, where do you want to go?Ultimately it is your education.If you are not invested in it is a waste of everyones time and money.</p>

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<p>Doesn’t seem like they need any convincing for Vandy right?</p>