could anyone grade my essay? :)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I know my vocabulary is a little weak, but that aside, I would really appreciate it if someone (other than my mom) graded my essay. Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>Prompt: We resent most the flaws in other people that we ourselves posses.
Question: Do you agree or disagree?</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>The flaws we recognize in other people, that we too possess, does not mean we resent them. They can be used to help someone else and even ourselves. One example is shown by Anne Sullivan: from her own personal experience, she taught Helen Keller how to read and write. Another example is how I overcame my flaws by recognizing those same flaws in someone else. </p>

<p>At the age of seven, Anne Sullivan was left almost blinded by an untreated case of trachoma. When she was older, she had several operations that restored most of her eyesight. At 21, she started working as a teacher to Helen Keller. Helen was eight years old and was not only blind, but deaf and dumb as well. This made her very frustrated and angry with the people, like her parents, who did not fully understand her situation. But Anne, because of her personal experience, related very well with Helen. She understood how Helen felt, and eventually succeeded in teaching her how to read and write. </p>

<p>Instead of helping someone else, recognizing my flaws ended up helping myself. When my grandfather died, I went into depression; I did not eat or sleep for several days. I locked myself in my room every night and cried myself to sleep. Only when I heard my mother wailing loudly did I notice that she too was going through the same thing I was. I decided to help her overcome her depression. As time passed, though I stil think of my grandfather, I noticed that I was not as depressed as I used to be. I had overcomed my inner demons while trying to help someone else overcome hers. </p>

<p>As these examples prove true, finding your flaws in someon eelse can be used to help you overcome your personal demons, or to help someone else accomplish something. However devastationg or detrimental a flaw can be, if an individual is willing, it can be used to change a situation for the better. </p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

2

<p>Good! Your writing is very clean and straightforward. That will definitely help you. Advice. Focus on better structure. </p>

<p>Paragraph. Give a more substantial intro, i.e. 2 or 3 sentences that focuses on the topic. Thesis: don’t just restate the question, give your stance. You can be sophisticated here and but your personal spin on it.</p>

<p>2nd paragraph: historical example.</p>

<p>3rd paragraph: your personal anecdote.</p>

<p>Conclusion. You did a good job on making this relate to our lives. :)</p>

<p>Good luck! </p>

<p>Hint: if you can speed write and keep it high quality, go for it. More = better (in the eyes of the SAT graders). It’s statistically proven that longer essays get higher grades, but don’t sacrifice quality for quantity.</p>

3

<p>thanks for your advice! really helped.</p>

<p>my dad said the 3rd paragraph is unrelated to a “flaw”. Is that true? He says this is more an aspect of an emotion, not a flaw. I rewrote that paragraph about how I noticed my mom’s tendency to be late for almost every event. </p>

<p>advice?</p>

4

<p>Youre opening sentence is not a complete sentence. Overall well written and straightforward, but a little cliche and nothing spectacular. But i’m not an expert I don’t know the standard of these things</p>