Could somebody please grade my essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I would be very thankful if somebody could grade my essay! I've never written an SAT essay before and hope to get in some practice before the day arrives.</p>

<p>“Are widely-held views often wrong, or are such views more likely to be correct?”</p>

<p>Widely-held views are often incorrect. Several historical examples clearly demonstrate that widely-held views are often factually inaccurate.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by historical theories on the nature of the Sun, widely-held views are often proved factually inaccurate. In the 5th century BC, it was generally accepted that the Sun was the glowing chariot of the Greek mythological figure Helios. This theory, which has been disproved since, is one example of an incorrect view held in high esteem by the general population of the time.</p>

<p>The theory that the Earth’s shape is a flat plane is another example of an incorrect widely-held view. Until the 4th century BC, the Earth was considered to be flat by nearly every human on the planet. All pre-Socratic Greek philosophers believed in a flat Earth, with little variation. However, in the year 330 BC, Aristotle provided evidence that the Earth is indeed spherical, and by the Middle Ages, most scientists were in agreement that the theory of a flat Earth was incorrect. Therefore, the development of a new scientific theory on the shape of the Earth shows that widely-held views are often wrong.</p>

<p>The consideration of Emperor Hirohito as a divine being by the people of Japan is another case where widely-held views are factually inaccurate. The Japanese Constitution of 1889 established that the Emperor had divine power over his country, reflecting a long-held belief that the Emperor of Japan was a divine being. At the end of World War Two, the Emperor was forced to renounce this status, and this widely-held belief came to an end. Therefore, the consideration of the Emperor of Japan as divine by his people is further evidence that widely-held views are often factually inaccurate.</p>

<p>After careful analysis of the historical views on the nature of the Sun, the flatness of the Earth and the divinity of the Japanese Emperor, widely-held views are indeed often factually inaccurate. Challenging widely-views perceived to be wrong is the key to ongoing development, and essential in maintaining a progressive, functional society.</p>

<p>To whoever does eventually get around to grading this: thank you so much!</p>

2

<p>I would say it’s around a 10. In my opinion, the first and second body paragraphs seem a bit weak. But overall, for your first SAT essay, it’s decent.</p>

3

<p>It’s a good essay (I would give you a 8), but I think there is definite room for improvement.</p>

<p>The introduction is a key part of your essay. I recommend having at least three sentences, excluding the one about what examples you are using. </p>

<p>Additionally, make the body paragraph about the sun have a lot more details. The more details the better, and I learned that the hard way. Once you get around getting those details in, I would really recommend that you use 2 examples, or 3 if you really have to. Two examples is really all you need to show that you can think of some good ones, and you will have time to develop those examples too, showing that you are a good writer. Lastly about the body paragraphs, always tie it back to the thesis. DO NOT assume that the reader will fill in the gaps (although it is obvious through your examples). My essay score jumped up 3 points when I started explaining how my examples tied in with my beliefs on the prompts.</p>

<p>Your conclusion is fine. The essay graders don’t expect a dazzling conclusion because you are pressed for time, and yours will probably give you a 12 if you do everything else good.</p>

<p>Lastly, style is small part of your essay. Try to use varying sentence structure, vocabulary (but don’t just fill your essay with vocab, use it thoughtfully).</p>

<p>Hope this helps! But this is an awesome essay for a beginner.</p>

4

<p>Thank you all! I will be posting another essay later just to practice, as this is all excellent advice.</p>

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<p>Yeah…definitely an awesome essay for a beginner. You would have cried if you read my first essay…and perhaps my current essays as well. Anyway, I think you need to use some transitional phrases at the beginning of your paragraphs, you know? Cause moving from one one paragraph to another is sort of choppy. Maybe it would help if you also include a line at the end of each paragraph hinting what idea is to follow in the next.</p>

6

<p>OK, something like ‘… was just one of several historical discoveries which show that widely-accepted views are often incorrect.’?</p>

7

<p>Yes, yes something like that. But you could make the sentence much stronger, though. What you suggested adds nothing of value to the essay except serving as a conjunctive for ideas. I think it is better to make a “furthermore” or “similarly” fit in with some substance. <a href=“http://my.ccsd.net/download/1907517852.doc[/url]”>http://my.ccsd.net/download/1907517852.doc&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Uh, hey, I just noticed … you already have a connective at the beginning of your second paragraph; it is simply misplaced. You wrote “The theory that the Earth’s shape is a flat plane is another example of an incorrect widely-held view.” If you had just started with “Another example of an incorrect widely-held view is” the transition between your examples would have been smoother. </p>

<p>Ohh annnd you let “widely-held” appear way too many times. You could have avoided the repetition by changing sentence structures or by using synonymous words or phrases. BTW, I’m not sure, but I think it is “widely held” - non-hyphenated.</p>

<p>Anyway, you should take my suggestions with a pinch of salt because I’m a pretty bad writer. :p</p>

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<p>Thanks Crouch :slight_smile: Next time I write an essay I’ll definitely adapt your changes.</p>

9

<ol>
<li>The major problem is how little, if at all, you analyze the examples. However, the examples were indeed chosen well. On a lesser note, you need to try to vary your diction more often. Saying incorrect more than 5 or 6 times in such a short essay, when your graders are reading it too fast, becomes annoying to the grader. All in all, however, your essay is really quite good, and only needs a little tacking-on to become a >10 essay. The essentials are all there.
I have consistently scored 12’s, if you want to know my basis for grading your essay.
Good luck.</li>
</ol>

10

<p>Thanks Circular. Just as a little aside, I used AcademicHacker’s formula to create this essay, if anyone is wondering.</p>