What do you think the score of this essay is?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Uh... Sorry to post it here, but I really need someone to grade my essay. Can anyone help me?</p>

<p>Prompt: Are decisions made quickly just as good as decisions made slowly and carefully?</p>

<pre><code>Scientists argue through its pros and cons before they accept a theory; architects think through its artistry and feasibility before they push on a project; mathematicians elaborate through its logic and simplicity before they finish a proof. Yet, none of these people ever came to a decision quickly, as to rely on their whims. Indeed, the decisions we encounter are best treated by prolonged cerebration, not by the thoughts that first jump up to the mind. The examples in literature, including the play Oedipus Rex and 1984, support this claim particularly well.
Oedipus is the protagonist in the play Oedipus Rex. Raised in Corinth, Oedipus once feared the prophecy on him that he will kill his father and marry his mother, so he fled to Thebes, and became the king of Thebes using his intellect. As the Theban king, Oedipus sought to find the murderer of Laius, the previous king of Thebes. Oedipus proceeded his search swiftly; without hesitation, he asked for advice in the temple of Apollo, and brought the prophet Tiresias before him. He soon found that his birth was an important piece of the puzzle. Although many people, such as Tiresias and his wife Jocasta, warned him about the terrible truth he would discover and discouraged him from persisting in finding the truth, Oedipus moved on without much consideration, and found out that: he was the murderer of Laius, and his wife was also his mother. Having known his grave mistakes, Oedipus blinded himself and fled out of Thebes. That Oedipus decided to continue searching for the truth without thinking led him to his downfall. If Oedipus did not rushed his actions and thought through the situations before he take actions, he would not have met his violent failure. This clearly proves that quick actions are not as good as decisions made carefully.
Winston is the main character in the novel 1984. Winston hated his country’s ideology, which holds that everyone should stop individual thinking and devote everything into what the country wants. Although Winston was afraid of being caught because of his unfavorable thoughts, he did many disobedient things which gave him the danger of being caught by the police. For example, on one day, Winston rushed in his decisions and started writing a diary despite the danger of being caught in action; on another day, Winston went with his girlfriend, Julia, to a distant field and had sex. Finally, Winston and Julia found a supposed patriot of anti-government deeds, and agreed to take actions to destroy the government. Their rushed action soon called attention to the government, and Winston was captured by the thought police. Winston’s story also suggests that quick decisions are usually misleading. It is exactly Winston’s less than careful thoughts that brought the thought polices toward him; if Winston had thought more elaborately, he might not had trusted the supposed patriot who is in fact a worker for the government. This example also supports making careful decisions.
The two stories are set in conspicuously different situations. Yet, they both convey the same lesson: one should decide slowly and carefully, rather than quickly. This is a lesson that we should all think about when there is an impending decision to make.
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2

<p>Its a tough essay to grade because I think you superficially have the form right: you have a position on the prompt, you have references that are scholarly, you have specific details and your conclusion restates your thesis. </p>

<p>The main problem I have is that I am not particularity convinced by the examples. Oedipus spent many years trying to avoid the Delphic prophecy. Is there any amount of time in decision making that would have changed that? Maybe you could have pointed to the snap decision in the quarrel with Laius as the real problem. Likewise I am not convinced that the problem at the heart of 1984 was Winston’s quick decision verses a prolonged mulling. Wasnt the government watching him all along and the conclusion was inevitable?</p>

<p>Some of your turns of phrase are also a bit jarring. I could accept “prolonged cerebration” as an interesting turn of phrase. But “push on a project”, “as to rely on their whims”, “he would not have met his violent failure”, “which gave him the danger”? I am not outright condemning them, but they seem too flowery for an SAT essay which will be graded in under a minute. </p>

<p>As it is I think you are at a 4. Just with stronger examples it would be a 5.</p>

3

<p>Thank you for your grading! I see that my examples do not exactly match the thesis, and I’ll try to change them.</p>

4

<p>Oedipus is the protagonist in the play Oedipus Rex.</p>

<p>Winston is the main character in the novel 1984.</p>

<p>How are these arguments in favor of careful and deliberate decision making?</p>

<p>The essay is a four NOT because of the quality of your examples (which, if used properly, would be fine) but because this is yet another essay with an introduction, two blocks of text containing precious little that I don’t already know, and a conclusion that restates the introduction “in different words.”</p>