PROMPT: If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering as a first year applicant, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.
“Engineers live to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems”, Scott Adams said. This statement clearly reveals the eagerness and burning desire of engineers to solve the myriad of problems society faces and it is of no doubt that from the early days of dawn, they have worked diligently to benefit society-from inventing telecommunication devices, transportation media and the like, which undoubtedly have made life a lot easier for us. This is why I want to study engineering, to use my creativity coupled with the profound engineering knowledge that hopefully, Duke will provide me, to ameliorate the ever-arising challenges facing the world, particularly Africa, and put smiles on the faces of people, by making life comfortable for them.
As a matter of fact, I found out that, Duke offers its first year engineering students a chance to explore the diverse fields of engineering and also provides the option for a double major. These opportunities Duke offers me, will enable me to actually find my “perfect fit” amongst all the engineering courses available. I will also be able to develop my skills in other disciplines such as the life science or the humanities, so as to make me a more versatile and more productive person in the world who can fit into all aspects of the ever changing world order.
@Nanajay The essay should focus 100% on YOU. Therefore, I suggest you keep only the following content and continue revising:
I want to study engineering, to use my creativity coupled with the profound engineering knowledge that hopefully, Duke will provide me, to ameliorate the ever-arising challenges facing the world, particularly Africa, and put smiles on the faces of people, by making life comfortable for them. (This is a run-on and confusing sentence.)
Duke offers its first year engineering students a chance to explore the diverse fields of engineering and also provides the option for a double major. I will be able to develop my skills in other disciplines, so as to make me a more versatile and more productive person in the world who can fit into all aspects of the ever changing world order.
Do add more “personal why” content to the essay. The sentences are too wordy. Write concisely – use less words to convey the same meaning.
I like your opening and think it is a good hook to draw the reader in. Apart from that iI agree with everything the above poster said. Watch for run on sentences and wordiness and focus on you
“Engineers live to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems”, Scott Adams said. This clearly reveals the burning desire engineers have, to solve the myriad of problems society faces. Apparently, they have worked diligently to benefit society-from inventing telecommunication devices, transportation media and the like, which have made life much easier for us. This is why I want to study engineering, so as to use my creativity coupled with the profound engineering knowledge that hopefully, Duke will provide me, to ameliorate some the many challenges facing the world, particularly problems peculiar to Africa such as foodstuff storage difficulties in very remote areas where there is no electricity, by providing cheap, zero energy and efficient ways like the “ramp cowa” a vegetable storage device, which a few friends and are working on and the persistent energy problems.
As a matter of fact, I found out that Duke offers its first year engineering students a chance to explore the diverse fields of engineering and also provides the option for a double major. These opportunities, will enable me to actually find my “perfect fit” amongst all the engineering courses available. I will also be able to develop my skills in other disciplines such as the life science or the humanities, so as to make me a more versatile and more productive person in the world who can fit into all aspects of the ever changing world order.
i ve revised it a little bit.please your comments again.
“Engineers live to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems”, Scott Adams said. This clearly reveals the burning desire engineers have, to solve the myriad of problems society faces. Apparently, they have worked diligently to benefit society, as is evident in our world today, and made life easier for us. This is why I want to study engineering, to harness my creativity coupled with the profound engineering knowledge that Duke provides me, to ameliorate some the many challenges facing the world, particularly problems peculiar to Africa such as foodstuff storage difficulties in very remote areas where there is no electricity, by providing cheap, zero energy and efficient ways like the “ramp cowa” a vegetable storage device, which a few friends and I are working on, and developing lasting solutions to the persistent energy problems.
I recently found out that Duke offers its first year engineering students a chance to explore the diverse fields of engineering and also provides the option for a double major. These opportunities will enable me to actually find one amongst all the engineering courses available, that will enable me to express myself creatively. I will also be able to develop my skills in other disciplines such as the life science or the humanities, so as to make me a more versatile and more productive person in the world, able to fit into all aspects of the ever-changing world order.
What I meant is that a sentence that is 83 words is much too long. It is a giant run on sentenced comprised of multiple ideas. You need to break it up into several distinct less wordy sentences
“Engineers live to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems”, Scott Adams said. This clearly reveals the strong desire engineers have, to solve the myriad of problems society faces. This is why I want to study engineering, to harness my creative ability and in addition to the profound engineering knowledge that Duke provides me, ameliorate some of the many challenges facing the world, particularly problems peculiar to Africa. An example being the difficulty in storing farm produce in very remote areas where there is no electricity, by providing cheaper, zero energy yet equally efficient ways of storage, a project a few friends and I are currently undertaking and making much progress in. Another also being the persistent energy crisis, which I personally want to find a long-lasting solution to.
I recently found out that Duke offers its first year engineering students a chance to explore the diverse fields of engineering and also provides the option for a double major. These opportunities will enable me to actually find one amongst all the engineering courses available in which I can express myself more creatively and intellectually. I will also be able to develop my skills in other disciplines such as the life sciences, making me a more versatile and productive person, able to fit into all aspects of the ever-changing world order.
Period after ‘world’ and start a a new paragraph focusing on Africa starting something like. "I am particularly interested in problems in Africa… Take the time (and words) to describe exactly what your project is and what work you are doing. This is exactly what colleges want to hear about so get specific details and show your passion for the project (even if it means cutting out your last paragraph). Your last paragraph is so generic you could put any school’s name it (they all do double majors!). Look for some research Duke is doing that is a bigger version of your project and say how it’s going to inspire you to bring your projects to the next level.
My take on it… I agree that it needs to be about you. For example:
“Engineers live to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems”, Scott Adams said. Excellent quote to start out. This clearly reveals the burning desire engineers have, to solve the myriad of problems society faces. Apparently, they have worked diligently to benefit society, as is evident in our world today, and made life easier for us. Not so good… Duke doesn’t want to know about engineers in general.How does this quote apply to YOU (besides you just saying it in the next sentence)? Any specific examples you can cite from your life/experience? Any time you created your own problem to solve, even if it was a computer program? This is why I want to study engineering, to harness my creativity coupled with the profound engineering knowledge that Duke provides me, to ameliorate some the many challenges facing the world, particularly problems peculiar to Africa such as foodstuff storage difficulties in very remote areas where there is no electricity, by providing cheap, zero energy and efficient ways like the “ramp cowa” a vegetable storage device, which a few friends and I are working on, and developing lasting solutions to the persistent energy problems. Meh… Waste of words (and too complicated a sentence. If you are really working on this device, PLAY THAT UP AND TALK MORE ABOUT IT
I recently found out that Better to say "In researching an engineering school for me, I discovered that Duke offers its first year engineering students a chance to explore the diverse fields of engineering and also provides the option for a double major. These opportunities will enable me to actually find one amongst all the engineering courses available, that will enable me to express myself creatively. Sounds too much like you don’t know what kind of engineering you want to do (not a good thing) I will also be able to develop my skills in other disciplines such as the life science or the humanities, so as to make me a more versatile and more productive person in the world, able to fit into all aspects of the ever-changing world order. Another meh… too general, too flowery, not specific…
“Engineers live to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems”, Scott Adams said, and I see this as much of a responsibility as an aspiring engineer. I want to study engineering so as to harness my creative ability and in addition to the profound engineering knowledge that Duke provides me, ameliorate some of the many challenges facing the world. I am particularly concerned about problems peculiar to Africa such as the difficulty in storing farm produce in very remote areas where there is no electricity. This is a project a few friends and I who make up SWEPP innovation, have been working on for some time now and making much progress in. We are developing a device we call, the “charcsil”, which is similar in its operation to the zeer pot, but uses charcoal and silica gel as dehydrating agents instead of sand. The device also has a unique design to enhance heat loss, leaving a cooler interior for prolonged storage. When fully developed, it will be a cheaper, zero energy but equally effective way of preserving foodstuff. Another also being the lack of electric power in remote areas, which I personally want to find a long-lasting solution to.
I will like to study engineering at Duke because I want to know more about the five-cell metamaterial array, which engineers at the Pratt school have come up with, and how it converts microwave signals into electricity. I will also want to know more about the research on metamaterials which can enable me to fulfill my goals of generating cheaper and sustainable power as well as how to further develop the “charcsil” device for people in some very deprived regions of Africa.
Is it appropriate to use a quote from the author of Dilbert? It’s satire and by the way he was not an engineer. It does not leave the impression you are serious about engineering.
