<p>I have been out of school for five years but yearn a college education. Would someone be willing to go over this essay for me. It may not be very good and I apologize for that. I can take hard criticism. Let me have it! </p>
<p>Also one thing i should point out. It is only a 250 word max essay. And the format that i pasted is not the format it's in. I have it double spaced, font size 10, TNR.</p>
<p>reply and ill send you it through email.</p>
<p>Thank you!!!</p>
<p>im in a rush to get feedback. 30 views and no responses. I guess no one wants to go through the trouble of leaving there email address. Im going to post the essay, please give me any insight? Thanks!</p>
<p>A Second Chance</p>
<p>People always tell me how bold and intelligent I am. Yet I still am seeking academic redemption for doing poorly in high school. It wasnt that I was not capable of doing the work, I was just young and naïve at the time. I never felt the importance of getting your work done in school. As long as I passed tests, I would pass the class. Little did I know I was just hurting myself more with my careless tendencies. On top of the irresponsible decisions made, I had the burden of finding out my father was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, a blood cancer, beginning my senior year in 2004.</p>
<p>After graduating from high school, I was not in the mental state to seek a higher education. My father had to start his treatments and I just wanted to be around for him. I was able to get a job at a national retail trucking site as a security guard. After a year I was promoted to be supervisor, only to be let go last June due to our countrys recession. During my time working, I studied a great deal independently in computers and its networking and protocols. I could do simple to complex programming and set up a network with ease.</p>
<p>Please dont view me as a student who did poorly in high school, but as a person who now craves and understands the importance of an education. The five years being out of school has revealed the mistakes I had made and has shaped me into a more responsible and respected individual. The chance at receiving an education and being pardoned for my bad choices is something that I hope for everyday. I yearn for the day I could be able to help people, like my fathers doctors did for him. He was given a second chance at life. My predicament may not be as grave, but I long for a second chance to prove myself and receive the education I have always dreamed about.</p>
<p>Hmm…</p>
<p>I would emphasize more on your father’s treatments and how that has had an impact on your life. Don’t try to explain yourself! Accept who you are and colleges will accept you too. Emphasize the PROBLEM you faced and how you grew from it. Don’t play the blame game, especially on college essays.</p>
<p>I PMed you.</p>
<p>Thank you both so much for the advice. =]</p>
<p>You’re welcome =). Good luck!</p>
<p>yes i’d like to read!</p>
<p>While the topic and message you are trying to send through the essay are strong, the delivery or execution of it, in my opinion, was not extremely successful. I enjoyed reading about your eagerness to break out of those bad habits of High School academia, but the essay wasn’t really interesting.</p>
<p>Your goal is to have every sentence flow into the next and have the admissions officer intrigued and wanting to continue the whole time. Your first sentence is one of, if not the most important, sentences in your essay. Yours was weak - try and improve it with some imagery and strong language.</p>