<p>Topic: What are the important qualities of a leader?</p>
<p>Some of the greatest leaders the world has seen are people like Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi and even the fictional character of Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter. There are three things that all good leaders share: (a) the ability to connect with the people, (b) no desire for power, and (c) powerful oratory skills. </p>
<p>All great leaders must be capable of understanding the needs and desires of the people. Lincoln led the abolitionists of the North because he understood where they were coming from. Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. supported the sentiments of the discriminated and downtrodden because they had faced tyranny themselves. Dumbledore understood that people were terrified of Lord Voldemort and needed a safe and reliable figure as head. No great leader has ever elevated himself from his followers and held himself aloof. </p>
<p>Another quality leaders have in common is that they never seek out power. In fact, most great leaders have turned down positions of power when handed to them. Julius Caesar refused the crown of Rome thrice. Mahatma Gandhi did not take up the role of Prime Minister of India when offered it. Albus Dumbledore resisted the post of Minister of Magic countless times. Hence, the best leaders are those who do not search for power. </p>
<p>Lastly, great oratory skill is one of the prerequisites to becoming a leader. Great leaders have influenced people through their brilliant powers of persuasion. Mark Antony led the rebellion in Rome through his influential words. Barack Obama won the Presidential elections because of his dynamic speeches. In fact, even Hitler's eloquent language gave him so many followers. Great oration is a must to becoming a leader.</p>
<p>Therefore, a leader is one who can empathise with the people, who does not seek power, and can influence people through his or her speeches. All of our leaders have shared these exemplary qualities. While there are a lot of other things that make up a good leader, these three are absolute essentials.</p>
<p>I think your general direction in this essay is quite good. I can’t tell you how it would score, but I can suggest a few changes that would sharpen it up, and might increase your score:
- Try to avoid the use of “things.” In the first paragraph, “qualities” or “characteristic” would be a better choice.
- I think it would be better not to use (a), (b), and (c), but just to make a simple list. I do tend to use (a), (b), and (c) in scientific writing from time to time, but only when the ideas are relatively complex, and the reader really needs the labels. Here they are not necessary.
- In general “There are” is viewed as a weaker start of a sentence than plunging right it. If you replaced “There are three things that all good leaders share:” with “All good leaders share three characteristics:” then I think you would have a much stronger sentence.
- I understand what you mean by “no desire for power,” but I think it would be a bit better to write something like “lack of desire for power,” or “lack of interest in power for its own sake.”
- If you can think of something to replace “where they were coming from,” it would be better. It would be better to say something like “Lincoln led the abolitionists of the North because he understood and shared their strong moral opposition to slavery.”
- This is a relatively minor point, but there is a difference between being downtrodden and discriminated against, vs. being the victim of tyranny. You might try for a more precise correspondence in word choice.
- The preposition with “elevated” should be “above,” rather than “from.”
- I don’t think I would use Julius Caesar as an example of a man who was not interested in power, even though I assume that your statement is historically accurate.
- I know that others disagree, but I think you would be better off leaving Hitler out of your essay. In fact, I think almost any essay would be strengthened by removing Hitler as an example. Your essay graders generally come from a different generation, and often have a visceral and strongly negative reaction to mentions of Hitler, which will color their judgment of your writing. It is better to avoid that. This is particularly true for your current essay, since Hitler was very much interested in power, and he was an awful leader. So dredging him up does not strengthen your point.
- You are off to a wonderful start with the first two sentences of your conclusion. All you would need to have a great conclusion is to replace “things” with a more specific noun. You might also drop the “there are” and just write “While many other qualities go into good leadership, these three are absolute essentials.”</p>
<p>Other examples:
With regard to oratorical quality, King George VI of England, the father of Queen Elizabeth II makes a good example. George VI had a very bad stammer, to the point that it actually prevented him from getting words out in public. It was an embarrassment to his family, even when he was not the next in line for the throne. When his elder brother abdicated the throne, in order to marry Wallis Warfield Simpson (an American divorcee), and George VI became king, he realized that he had to be able to address the British people over the radio, and that he needed to be able to counter Hitler’s ability to rouse the German people with his speeches. (Insert: this might be a valid exception to my rule to avoid mentioning Hitler.) He worked with a speech therapist, and gave a very powerful speech, still with some hesitation, on Christmas Day, 1939. This helped to strengthen the resolve of the British people to oppose Hitler’s forces, and I think that it contributed significantly to the British people’s willingness to “carry on” in the midst of the Blitz.</p>
<p>Incidentally, I wanted to add that I think that your essay is quite good as it is. The list of suggestions should be understood as a set of ideas about writing, which you might carry over to any essay, as opposed to being merely critical.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for your feedback. It’s very constructive and extremely helpful. 
Thanks also for the other examples - I think I really need to build up a couple of good examples before I attempt the actual SAT.</p>
<p>Historical figures who were involved in securing independence for countries in Central and South America make good examples. You do not need to know too much about them to write a good four or five sentence paragraph. They will also have the advantage of novelty.</p>
<p>Gandhi is a great choice. He would tend to be a bit over-used as an example, but I don’t think you could go wrong with Gandhi.</p>
<p>Cincinnatus is the Roman general who refused to take power, but instead returned to his farm. He could be used as a good example.</p>
<p>If you learn about a few of the kings of European nations, or Chinese emperors, or other leaders, they can often be used in essays on different topics.</p>
<p>I think the main point to keep in mind is this: If you keep practicing on topics that are typical for the SAT, you will keep getting better and better.</p>