Grade my essay, please!

<p>Essay Topic: We like to think that if someone has "the right stuff," he or she will naturally rise to the top. But it isn't true. In the same way that acting talent doesn't guarantee stardom, the capacity for leadership doesn't guarantee that one will run a corporation or a government. In fact, at least in our time, genuine achievement is not highly valued, and those who are skilled at achieving greatness are not necessarily those who are read to lead.</p>

<p>Assignment: Are leaders necessarily people who are most capable of leadership? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.</p>

<p>There is one unchanging factor throughout every monumental historical event – leadership. Thousands of years of history shows the undeniable fact that some form of leadership must be present in order to maximize productivity. Not every leader was successful and those that were shared distinctive inherent characteristics. True, successful leaders are those with intrinsic qualities to inspire and unify their followers.</p>

<p>A quality necessary in a potent leader is the ability to inspire others and incite enthusiasm. Gandhi was the leader of hundreds of thousands of men during the struggle for Indian independence from Britain. Before Gandhi took initiative, India was riddled with rebellious men who fought the British with mere violence. The Indian Congress attempted many times to control the mobs but despite their prominent position in the nation’s government, they lacked the ability to inspire others and failed to be effective leaders. Gandhi, however, rebelled verbally and logically, inspiring national unity among men that were uncontrollable before. Gandhi unified hundreds and thousands of men, whom the Indian Congress failed to lead, with his charismatic and inspirational quality.</p>

<p>Leaders must also have the ability to empathize with and understand others around them. Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird is a lawyer defending a black man, Tom Robinson, in a predominantly racist, white community. Throughout the novel, Atticus tries to understand others and gain their perspective, even the ones who are opposed to his values, such as Bob Ewell, the plaintiff of the trial. His closing speech during the trial addresses everyone – the white and the black community – pointing out both communities’ prejudice and therefore unifying their values on a common ground. Because of his empathetic countenance, he is able to lead those who fail to understand others’ perspectives. A leader is not someone who simply asserts his biased beliefs and demands supporters, but rather someone who can incorporate other’s perspectives and ideas in his or her leadership.</p>

<p>A man may have the desire and zeal to lead others but he must have distinctive characteristics to become an effective leader. Overzealous men with desire but without these inspirational characteristics prove to be disastrous leaders. A true leader has certain natural qualities that can hold the parts of the society together to instigate a locomotive that drives the society into an innovative future.</p>

<p>Please grade my essay and be brutally honest!
Thanks so much! :)</p>

<p>9/12</p>

<p>It’s late; I’ll be brutally honest tomorrow.</p>

<p>Thanks! I haven’t done much preparation for the essay portion of the SAT and I know I have a lot to improve so it would be really helpful to see others’ critics and comments.</p>

<p>True, successful leaders are those with intrinsic qualities to inspire and unify their followers.</p>

<p>Good enough. Now how many of these qualities can you list and illustrate?</p>

<p>Inspire others and incite enthusiasm. Gandhi, however, rebelled verbally and logically, inspiring national unity among men that were uncontrollable before. Leaders must also have the ability to empathize with and understand others around them. tries to understand others and gain their perspective, even the ones who are opposed to his values, …A leader is not someone who simply asserts his biased beliefs and demands supporters, but rather someone who can incorporate other’s perspectives and ideas in his or her leadership.</p>

<p>The cuttings above are the substance of your essay. </p>

<p>Gandhi, however, rebelled verbally and logically, inspiring national unity among men that were uncontrollable before. …The connection between “rebelled verbally and logically” as a cause and “inspiring national unity among men that were uncontrollable before” as effect is not sufficiently developed. You have made it clear that Gandhi’s approach was different. Why was it more effective? Does your example develop that point or some other point?</p>

<p>Overzealous men with desire but without these inspirational characteristics prove to be disastrous leaders…A strong assertion. Can you develop it? Examples?</p>

<p>Are leaders necessarily people who are most capable of leadership?..This was the question asked in the prompt. Your answer certainly bears on it, but does your answer drive directly toward it? </p>

<p>If your purpose was primarily to list the qualities of effective leaders, what other qualities could you have listed or highlighted by your examples? You say a leader must inspire his/her followers. How is that done? Some possible issues:</p>

<p>martyrdom … sacrifice … wealth… pragmatism vs idealism (compromise)…truth/deception…leading by example… ruthlessness … openness… persona… competition for status and power… discipline… propaganda …alliances with friends or foes …justice</p>

<p>“to instigate a locomotive that drives the society into an innovative future.”…‘instigate a locomotive’? Are the word choice and image helpful to your purpose?</p>

<p>Don’t jam vocabulary words into your essay for the sake of displaying your vocabulary. Understand the meanings and the connotations of the words you use and use them naturally.</p>

<p>Because of his empathetic countenance, he is able to lead those who fail to understand others’ perspectives…Are you saying that it was just the look on his face that produced the change in everyone’s attitudes?</p>

<p>Your essay was above average in content, but I hope you can see that it had a way to go to be considered exceptional. Your intro was strong, your points and examples were significant, your closing good, but marred by a false note in the last sentence.</p>