could someone tell my if my essay is too informal?

[livingtea]

<p>i've gotten comments saying my essay for my columbia app is too informal, too colloquial, etc...</p>

<p>so i was wondering if that is bad? i'm trying to present myself to them and get "me" across.
could anyone (but hs seniors) be willing to read over my essay and tell me if the tone and informality is a problem?</p>

[Musil_the_Muse]

<p>I doubt it's a problem. PM me for my email address. I can read it after Wednesday, when my midterms are done.</p>