Could you grade my SAT practice essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Assignment: In which ways have you experienced "the mysterious" and how has that made you feel alive and excited about life? Based on your experience or experiences, discuss how the above quote rings true and how science or art illustrates the "mysterious."</p>

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<p>In many ways, the mysterious holds much behind it that can enrich our lives greatly. It is true that in many walks of life, those who do not know it or don't care for it lose out on much in life, and that what lies "behind the veil" might be full of positives to take.</p>

<p>An example is the song "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, a song known for its cryptic (and many would say ambiguous) lyrics. Though it was written in 1971, to this day, no one (except, of course, Led Zeppelin themselves) knows what the lyrics truly mean. "Stairway to Heaven" is also one of the most famous and acclaimed songs of all time, and more than likely, the element of the mysterious that is present in its lyrics played a role in its success.</p>

<p>Another example of the positives of the mysterious is the NBA player Jeremy Lin. When he first burst onto the NBA scene, he was a completely unknown quantity. However, almost straight from his debut, he produced some terrific performances, and quickly became a fan favorite. One of the reasons why his results had such an impact was because he started out completely unknown; so, when he went on to achieve great results, it was even more exciting because he had an air of mystery around him.</p>

<p>Then there are ancient artifacts like hieroglyphics and other ancient inscriptions. Although they are interesting because they give us a glimpse of ancient societies, they are also interesting because of the mysteries that they hold, as there is still much that can be discovered through them.</p>

<p>These are just some of the reasons why appreciating the mysterious is a good thing. Often, what is unknown is far more amazing and intriguing than what is already known. That is why the mysterious is so important to us.</p>

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<p>Any comments/criticisms/tips will be highly appreciated.</p>

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<p>Hi Gnostic, I think this is a 4. You are slightly off the prompt and there is not progression of argument. </p>

<p>Its a bit of a tough prompt because it doesnt invite the usual agree/disagree instead it wants you to discuss. Notice that says “science or art”. And especially in light of the Einstein quote I think the onus is on you to discuss science and discovery. Instead you have examples from pop music, sports and a vague allusion to artifacts. Keep in mind that your audience is school teachers- your examples should be more academic. </p>

<p>The Einstein quote talks about mystery being the fundamental emotion that animates all true art and science. Your thesis seems to be the much more prosaic “audiences like mysterious stuff which is why it is commercially successful”. You never really progress your argument much beyond that. I think the prompt wanted you to talk in terms of the artists and scientists being driven by the intrigue of the mysterious. Not just an audience. </p>

<p>You have a good 5 paragraph structure and you do attempt to hit your thesis again in the closing so that is good. And there is no jarring word misuse. </p>

<p>Keep the structure you are using. Work on more academic examples. Tune your thesis to the prompt and work on your logic. </p>

<p>good luck</p>