<p>Please help! Here's the intro or so to my essay:</p>
<p>His after school routine is as constant and predictable as the ticks and clicks of the metronome that rests faithfully upon my lid. He practically kicks the front door down, hurls the chemistry book to which he so closely clings to the side, and screeches to a stop at my benchs center. I hear him mumble that he ought to study this weeks French verbs, learn the difference between entropy and enthropy and . . . His voice diminuendos. His fingers begin to move across my keys. He plays with the tempestuous fury only Rachmaninoff knew, yet with heart-throbbing emotion.
Nolan and I have been attached at the fingers for nearly a decade now. He had just been forced by his parents to quit gymnastics after a long eight years and a skiing accident that would have made moms the world over cringe. He vowed to never talk to them again. </p>
<p>What do you think of my idea, of speaking in third person from the piano's perspective. The piano plays an absolutely prodigious role in my life and this was the most creative way I could think of going about it. What do you think? Please be totally honest. Of course it would go on much longer and talk about my life but..</p>
<p>In my opinion, it’s a great idea. Very creative, but that also depends on how the rest goes. I don’t have much to say really, but I thiiiiink where you wrote “entropy and enthropy” perhaps you meant enthalpy?</p>
<p>Well, of course, but I was trying to have a recurring musical theme… too much? Well, the words can be changed, but what do you think of the idea itself?</p>
<p>one word of wisdom. there is no such thing as too creative. too implies it is negative; beeing very creative in the application pool is good and makes you stand out.</p>
<p>It sounds like a good idea, but make it more clear that you’re speaking from the piano’s perspective. You don’t want anyone to think you’re speaking about yourself from the third-person, which would come off as pretentious.</p>
<p>@NolanLee, I was going to write my essay a bit like this but, instead in first person view! This is my intro:</p>
<p>“Mom, what did the woman on the speaker say?” I asked her. “We’re going to land very soon,” my mom tells me. The airplane begins to encounter turbelence as we begin to slowly descend. Nausea comes to my stomach, my mouth starts to accumulate warm saliva and my stomach drops what felt like a hundred feet. It’s been a while I felt this way, since Disneyworld. I grip tightly onto the armchair rest and clench my eyelids shut. Slowly, i take a peek outside and i can see a mysterious city below me, bright city lights flashing everwhere. The plane at last lands on the runway and the rumbling engines go silent. Finally, we have arrived. </p>
<p>As my family and i depart the terminal, I notice the people around me. Everyone looked exactly like me; they had almond shaped eyes, dark hair, and spoke a language that i vaguely understood. I turn to my mom with an incredulous expression on my face silently screaming, “Wht on earth did you bring me here?”…</p>
<p>That’s all i have. I wrote more essays but i was wondering if this is good or too cheesy? Thanks!</p>
<p>I like your idea, but I would suggest you keep to the vision of Nolan through the piano’s “eyes.”</p>
<p>I think you started to drift a little with your subjective comments about his parents. If “Nolan” didn’t say it in the piano’s presence, then any such comments should read as if they are the piano’s opinion. And given that the piano is inanimate, would it have an “opinion?”</p>
<p>I read (or saw a video, can’t recall) about college essay no-no’s. One of them was writing the essay in third-person, and he gave an example of an essay written in the perspective of a dog.</p>
<p>With all that said, this essay is great. Why? Because it’s from the point of view of a think that is near-and-dear to your heart, a love that is different than your love for a dog. It’s passionate-- I can tell already.</p>
<p>Best of luck, and please, don’t make the essay a cheesy third-person essay. It’s off to a good start, just don’t turn in a different direction.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice! I’ll probably apply to USF, UF, Georgia Tech, Johns Hopkins, Dartmouth, and then Yale SCEA for a reach, that is, if I bring my SAT scores up more. Hbu?</p>
<p>I agree with supersizeme; it’s a good start, just make sure you don’t overdo the cheese and make sure to clean it up a little like the others said. It feels like you could really show your passion for piano playing in a creative light the admissions people haven’t seen before (or if they have, probably not about this particular subject). I like the musical theme, with “diminuendo” and everything; maybe you could extend that to the rest of the essay as well somehow.</p>
<p>I did something similar for one of my essays - I wrote from the perspective of my shoes, getting covered in mud and being pounded into the road and stuff (I’m a runner, haha) and it yielded some pretty good results, so I say go for it! Good luck!</p>
<p>“He plays with the tempestuous fury only Rachmaninoff knew, yet with heart-throbbing emotion.” This came across as arrogant. Really? You’re that amazing? If so, let the music department judge for themselves. :)</p>
<p>But I think it’s a very creative idea and that it will attract admission’s officers attention. Will work, it can easily become a very successful essay.</p>
<p>Ah, I definitely don’t want to come across as arrogant. So, that was definitely good to know. Thanks. And imbri3, I think your idea with your shoes is awesome!</p>
<p>I love this idea! I definitely would be interested in reading the rest of the essay because its unique
Also, NolanLee, we have piano and our parents forcing us to quit gymnastics in common, heh</p>
<p>OP, I think, at this point, the essay could go either way. IMO, it’s a tad overwrought. Don’t let the language get in the way of your message and personal voice. </p>
<p>I’d recommend trying a freewrite. Write for ten, fifteen, twenty–whatever–minutes without letting your pencil leave paper. Do not erase or cross out anything. Move constantly forward for whatever length of time. You may be surprised at the interesting language and associations that spring from your unconscious (it’s a method I usually use for poetry) and how naturally your essay moves forward rather than wrapping around itself trying to makes its point. </p>
<p>I’d also look over a few chapters from the Great Gatsby. The novel is heavily influenced by musical language without becoming clunky.</p>
<p>There’s an essay that’s extremely similar in the 100 Successful College Application Essays book:</p>
<p>“Here she comes again. Just like always - running in, breathless, a stack of books in her arms. She throws the books on top of me and glides onto my bench, screeching to a stop in its center. Then she gently lays her hands in position on my keys and sighs. ‘I really shouldn’t be here,’ she tells me, ‘I have chem to study, and a creative writing paper, and eighty lines of Latin, and a watercolor, and…’” She begins to play…"</p>
<p>I think it’s pretty risky to use the same approach as this girl did, since her essay is not only very distict/unusual but also fairly widely published.</p>
<p>OMGSH! That’s insane! Our ideas, and intros, if that’s her intro, are exactly the same! Wow… So, what should I do? Scratch the idea completely? Agh! And here I thought I was so creative… psych.</p>
<p>Yeah sorry I mean I really am not an expert but to me it just seems like it would be risky to use that same approach. Are there any other angles you were considering besides the piano-viewpoint?</p>
I mean I really am not an expert but to me it just seems like it would be risky to use that same approach. Are there any other angles you were considering besides the piano-viewpoint?</p>