Critique an essay- would you be so kind?

College Essays
1

<p>I am going to be applying to college come fall and I have started working on a couple of essays. The one I want critiqued I actually wrote during the school year. My teacher said although it was a good essay, she thought that since I would be applying to upper- tier schools, my essay didn't really make me stand out.</p>

<p>I'm looking for someone who is currently enrolled in college to help me out. I wrote about the following topic:</p>

<p>Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, or risk that you have taken and its impact on you.</p>

<p>I wrote about something pretty big I did a couple of summers ago. The problem as far as I can see is that it seems to much like I'm just bragging and not getting my feelings about the event across. If anyone could help, I would be very happy! </p>

<p>Thanks in advance</p>

2

<p>I’m not in college but will be applying the same time as you. If you’d like, PM your essay to me, and I’ll tell you what I think! :]</p>

3

<p>i would be happy to read your essay. ill be applying this year as well.
just PM it to me if you feel ok with it</p>

4

<p>i wouldn’t mind reading it at all : )
i went through all this last year
will be a freshman this fall at florida state…
it’s great to be a SEMINOLE!!!</p>

5

<p>Enrolled for Fall! =]</p>

6

<p>going to college in the fall, I’d be glad to read! send a PM!</p>