Critique me

<p>This is my first try at a college essay, and is based on the prompt for UF: Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. </p>

<p>I might consider using this essay for the common app (fixing it up a little first), or perhaps some supplements for other schools such as:</p>

<p>Duke
Vandy
Johns Hopkins
Stanford</p>

<p>Please don't respond if you are an 09er. THANKS!</p>