D1 is a crier. Recently when she quit her job of 10+ years she cried in front of her boss. She said he also teared up. He told her to stop.
I cry in private, but not in front of other people. It is actually very therapeutic to cry. I will cry of sappy movies or songs.
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I don’t think I could get through delivering a eulogy without crying. My son is getting married in September, and I don’t think I’ll say much, because I’m sure I’d start crying.
I remember when I was getting married - I told my mom she better not cry, because if she started crying I’d start crying, and it would be a blubbery mess. She didn’t, which was probably pretty hard for her.
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My mom was grinning from ear to ear when I got married, I still have a picture to show, she’s finally got rid of me, now I understand why she’s grinning. No crying when my daughters get married either, I can always count on my husband to get teary eye though.
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I’ve cried more in the last couple of years than in the five previous decades, mostly when overly tired and stressed.
As a child, I trained myself not to cry because I was determined to no longer outwardly react to my mother’s beatings. As an adult it seemed that everyone (family, in-laws, close friends) expected me to take charge when there was a crisis because I didn’t appear to respond emotionally. One pediatrician even commented (negatively) about it. I asked him how could I have gotten our child the urgent help needed if I hadn’t remained calm.
As much as women have been criticized for being “too emotional” because of crying, I’ve been criticized and questioned about not crying. The comments have come from sisters-in-law, nurses, doctors and acquaintances. I used to feel obliged to explain that the lack of crying did not mean a lack of feeling, but eventually I just shrugged off their remarks.
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I very rarely cry, ever. I just don’t. I’ve cried when I’m very angry but otherwise rarely ever cry. I believe I’m empathetic but crying just isn’t something I do.
My D is extremely empathetic and has been since my earliest memories of her. She’d come home from preschool at age 3 and could tell us how everyone in her class felt and why. She’s not a crier either, nor is S nor H.
Some of my sibs are criers. Most of us aren’t.
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Well, after saying upthread that it’s been a while since I cried, I cried today at a bridal shower, along with nearly everyone else there!
I won’t share the details but an incredibly meaningful/sentimental gift was given, and as the bride to be read out loud the card explaining the gift’s significance, almost everyone was shedding tears, myself included.
Of course, I immediately thought of this thread as my eyes teared up!
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One thing that shouldn’t happen (but sadly does) is people shouldn’t be shamed because they are or aren’t criers. Some of us don’t cry but it doesn’t mean we feel
less intensely or are unfeeling. Some people cry much more readily in a range of situations. It is what they do. In my opinion, neither way of being is right or wrong, it’s just different, like hair color, eye color, or other attributes that we have.
I think it’s wrong to project and try to shame someone because they do or don’t cry or do or don’t display emotion in whatever way (as long as they aren’t harming themselves or others).
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I just want to take a moment to say that there are many wonderful people who have commented on this thread and over the years we have read and learned that you are indeed caring and empathetic! Tears or no tears!
My heart reaches out and hugs you all for your past and current headaches - if I was with you I’d probably cry … 
You are all worthy and valued. You are awesome in this community so I know you are awesome in real life too (but none of us are perfect!) I have learned so much from you all!
(Did I make anyone cry? Smile? Laugh?!).
Celebrating you… 
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I’m a strange version of crier. I tear up at sad books but not TV or movies usually. But I can’t talk about sad or strong emotions without my voice getting tremulous and sounding like I’m 97. Today (on a road trip) we drove into the town where I spent ages 2-9. I was telling my H about my first memory of that vista, coming over the hill at night and my mother (who is still very much alive) taking my hand and saying “See those lights? We’re almost home “. Except my voice sounded like I was crying. Not at all a sad memory, that’s just how my body works.
@ChoatieMom , I’m with you on the military anthems, although yours makes more sense. My school always did Veteran’s Day up right, including inviting all Veteran parents, relatives, friends, neighbors to the assembly and as the band played each piece the veterans stood and were acknowledged. I sometimes had to sneak out into the hallway to compose myself. And then we would end with a student playing taps, echoed by the band director from out of sight. I would be such a mess.
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I rarely cry due to my own life situations or frustration/anger or such. But anything even remotely sad or heartwarming makes me cry a bit. Commercials, movies, shows, even orchestra music! I went to a school play recently and teared up at the end because the kids did so well and were so happy and proud. I didn’t even know these kids! I am very bad at funerals, even if I didn’t know or care for the deceased, I just feel so bad for the family that I cry. I’m not sure what is wrong with me but I think it got worse since having kids.
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I don’t see where anyone has shamed anyone for crying or not crying.
In various times of my life, I’ve cried easily and other times, not at all.
My mother had several devastating strokes. In about 10 years time, she was completely debilitated. By the last few years, she didn’t know who I was…that was hard when it first became clear that she didn’t even recognize her own daughter.
Years later, my sister and I were talking and we both revealed to the other than we felt TREMENDOUS guilt that we cried more when we lost our beloved cat (her) and beloved yellow lab (me) than when our mother died. “WHO DOES THAT??? WE’RE HORRIBLE.”
On further reflection, I realized that I had lost my mom 10 years before she actually passed. I had basically already processed it by the time she died, and had shed a thousand tears in the years before she actually passed.
Crying is a weird thing, and I agree with many of you that it should not be associated at all with anything relating to character or integrity. I DON’T agree that it’s simply a biological process…but there are many emotional factors at play with regard to whether you cry in a given situation or whether you don’t.
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I don’t think emotions or empathy are strictly biological (though maybe partially), but whether someone is an easy or non crier? I can believe those differences are based more in how we are wired. Sure, there are life experiences that can train people out of their natural way of being, but I can believe some people are born more physiologically inclined to tear up. I don’t think it is better or worse, just different.
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I didn’t mean anyone on this thread has shamed anyone for crying/not crying but society does and people in general do. Being more accepting of differences is a strength, imho.
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I’d like to know why men seem to be able to refrain from crying, but most women don’t have that ability. Most of the time when I cry, I can’t just stop. I can’t be brave and tell myself not to cry if I think there’s a chance that I might for some reason.
My husband may have gotten a tiny bit teary eyed watching movies, but I’ve never seen him really cry. I saw my father cry once for just a minute or so.
I do think there is some biological process at work that makes women more prone to crying.
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I agree, but don’t discount the power of socialization. Males are strongly discouraged from crying. They are often shamed for doing so, where it’s expected and tolerated from women.
I tear up easily when something touches me deeply. I’ve always been able to imagine being in the shoes of other people, tv characters, songwriters, etc., and “feel” their experiences. The older I get, the more relatable everything is to a life experience I’ve had, so I tear up even more than when I was young.
Unfortunately, I also can cry when I’m angry and frustrated by being misunderstood.
I can cry on the spot just thinking about my kids, who I miss terribly, or my dad, who has been gone 25 years.
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Very interesting reflection. I didn’t cry at my parents deaths for the most part. But the song mentioned above, Music in my Mothers’ house gets me every time, associated with my mom. As did transiting the Toronto airport years after my dad passed away, as we shared happy memories of Toronto. I could barely get through customs without crying. I don’t think I had shed a tear before that date.
I can get through crazy hard things without showing emotion, and have had my share. But then something minor happens, or sometimes major and heartbreaking, like the war in Ukraine back in February and the waterworks come out of nowhere.
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Interesting point. I’d like to edit my previous comments. I don’t really cry, I get weepy / misty and occasionally (based on the strength of the emotional pull) a tear will roll down my face. But it’s not open crying. My wife and daughter do that full on cry where a box of Kleenex are required. (Thinking of a scene from “When Harry Met Sally” where sally is crying uncontrollably about a breakup or something.)
I agree. I think there is a biological filter of some sort that leads women, in general, to be more likely to have those full crying episodes. Maybe psychological too. Maybe men, in general, just won’t allow themselves to show those feelings. Show of strength going back to the caveman days. Could be.
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My husband gets teary eyes esp if it has to do with the kids and milestones. He’s embarrassed by it. It’s happened more over the last few years. We hadn’t seen family with Covid and struggles as everyone else did with a set of odd circumstances.
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