<p>Is this normal? I find myself everyday crying reading these posts or thinking about my DD leaving for college. It's only February!!! All the work for the application process at least kept me busy. Now it's just the waiting and it's so much worse. We've planned for this time for so many years. How can you be so happy for your child yet so sad at the same time? Please tell me this gets better.....</p>
<p>It does get better and is very normal--- (but not without some tough moments. CC is a good place to get your emotions out, but there are plenty of people going through the same thing you are, and sharing others' experiences helped))... It's a bit of a shock to realize how they can get by in college without your wisdom and input every step of the way, but they seem to manage pretty well. I expected to plunge into a deep depression after we left our D at school in the fall, but it didn't happen.....she was SOOOOO happy and doing so much right off the bat, that I couldn't help but be very, very happy for her. I cried several times in anticipation of her graduating and leaving. But, at graduation I was completely and totally overwhelmed with motherly pride that I forgot to cry. I cried when we left after moving in, but I've been pretty stable since then.</p>
<p>It will get better....but first it will get worse. :-(</p>
<p>What can I, a son who will soon be leaving for college 7 hours away, do to help make it easier on my parents?</p>
<p>What a nice son you are, pedrossi!</p>
<p>I can't really imagine my son leaving, although I know it's only another 6 months or so. We already know where he's going, and it's about as far away as it can be. From one coast to the other. I am already happy for him, even just in anticipation, but I'll just miss him. We spend a lot of time together for some logistical reasons, but it's been great. We are friends and talk about so much. I love him, but I also just really like him. Fortunately, I will have my equally splendid daughter at home for one more year after. Then, ack!</p>
<p>Most teenagers turn nastier than ever before they leave. It helps with the separation process.</p>
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What can I, a son who will soon be leaving for college 7 hours away, do to help make it easier on my parents?
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<p>I still call home 2-3 times a week to talk with my parents for 45 minutes to an hour. I know my parents appreciate it a ton, and when I had to move cross-country for grad school it didn't bother them nearly as much as it would if I didn't keep in contact so much.</p>
<p>As for coping mechanisms for parents, try getting a new pet. My parents got a yellow lab when my brother left for college and a shih tzu when I went to college.</p>
<p>My son was away for most of the summer last year and I prepared myself for the worst. I was pleasantly surprised - H and I had a wonderful summer rediscovering each other. We missed our son sorely and were very, very happy when 6 weeks was over. I realized college is very different and I am again gearing up for the worst. I have big plans when he leaves for college - read all the books piling up on my end table (that'll take up a semester right there) and probably go back to teaching (as a second job). </p>
<p>pedrossi - What a precious child you are to ask how you can make it easier on your parents! Please call/email/text them as often as you can, especially in the beginning. RacinReaver is right - parents really appreciate any form of communication from their kids.</p>
<p>edad is completely right! The taste for freedom will be so strong, they really do become unbearable by August, even the sweetest of them. By the time college comes, they will be lucky if you stop the car when you unpack them!!
It's God's way of preparing you!</p>
<p>edad - loved your post - it's certainly true in my house! Although D has been nicer lately. OP - I too tear up at the slightest thing. I realized one morning that her friends are leaving too (DUH!) and that gave me another thing to get upset about. I have so enjoyed this great, wild parenting ride and so enjoyed seeing all these kids she's gone to school with grow up into these great teens. I will so miss them next year. I remind myself too of the things that I won't miss - the constant traffic in and out of our house, all the cheese, ice cream, soda, etc. being gone. The mess left behind, etc. </p>
<p>From what friends tell me this year is a roller coaster ride of emotions and then when they first leave it takes a bit of getting used to - but come second semester - everyone seems to be OK - parents still adjusting. </p>
<p>I look at it this way - there is nothing I can do to stop it - so I may as well just enjoy it and look forward to the new things that lie ahead - college visits, my D coming home, sending care packages, getting to see her grow in college, etc. I look forward to Thanksgiving and winter break when I get to see all her friends and see how they are doing how they enjoy college. It will also give us time to have one on one with our son. We've had summers where one or the other is gone for camp, etc. and it's fun to have time to spend with the child at home - eat the things they like, no competition in dinner conversations, etc. I am also looking forward to spending more time with my husband and figuring out what to do with the second half of my life. My husband and I are planning a trip once we drop our S off at college two years from now!</p>
<p>Haha, I cried the other day when "Landslide" came on the radio.</p>
<p>Thank heavens for the Parent's Forum on CC. Everyday the clock ticks toward April 1 letters and/or graduation I feel totally wiped out. Just knowing I am not alone about this is so comforting. </p>
<p>Being so involved in the applications, interviews, and visits and then as a PP said-suddenly biding time for the mail reminds me of how much more things will be changing. As some early acceptances have come in for both of them, I am really trying to keep many of my thoughts to myself-e.g.-"Choose this school-it is only 3 hours away". How does everyone on this thread keep a sane head with regards to letting the child make the decision ( as much as possible) and try NOT to influence based upon distance, etc.</p>
<p>So far there have only been acceptance letters in our mailbox-I worry about how D and S will handle the rejections I know will arrive as well. DH and I have been trying to prepare both kids for the rejections from their REACH schools. I will say that like many on this board, I am seeing the flashes of the "not so pretty" parts of their personalities and I know this is how the separation milestones occur. ARGH!</p>
<p>OMG, I'm crying as I write this. I totally, totally, totally relate to your dilemma nurseratchet! As the mother of an only I am very close to my DS and I can't imagine daily life without him here at home. But, like you, I also want only the best, most fulfilling life for him and that begins with him leaving home and beginning life on his own in college. It's the natural course of things and it's what I want, but I'm sad and scared about how much I'll miss him.</p>
<p>For the past four years I've been telling myself that I have to let go of him in degrees. Every experience this year has been a little milestone in letting go. First it was senior year and the "where did these four years go" was ringing in my head. Then the college app frenzy came and went. He's an actor so we had the last Fall production and then the last Winter production, which was his last in high school. The night of the closing show when all the kids were hugging and running around and taking pictures I just sat in the back of the theater and drank it up. His director came up to me and gave me a big hug and said how much she'd miss him next year and that messed me up but it also made me feel really, really proud. I told her that I'm really looking forward to watching him grow as an actor and as a writer over the next four years in college, which is completely true. Somehow, when I said those words to her that made me feel alot better. For me, actually outwardly verbalizing the positive aspects (and there are so many) of what is upcoming helps to calm me and refocus onto what is important, namely his happiness and personal growth.</p>
<p>What do the shrinks call it? Classic approach/avoidance. That's me and I've resigned myself to just being an intermittent mess over the next year or so, but what are you going to do? This is the way of life. I have good friends that I am thankful for and they already know that I'm going to be kinda nutso and that helps alot because I know they'll be there to listen and console. One more thing and then I'll shut up. My Mom passed away 12 years ago and we were very close. I often still "talk" to her when I'm trying to sort something out. A couple of months ago, while walking up the parking lot of my office complex, I said: "Mom, how am I ever going to do this? How will I ever be able to let him go?" And as clear as a bell the answer came back to me: "It's not about you anymore, hon. It's about him now." Perfect and perfectly true.</p>
<p>Sorry for going on and on, but your post really struck a nerve with me and I wanted you to know that there's someone else out here who's in your shoes!</p>
<p>Having one already in and the next leaving in Sept, I have mixed feelings. I know that they are only a phone call away ( or an hour flight ) This year has been filled with the anticipation of application and scholarship results. I look forward to the end of year activities and presentations..I kind of like to go to the school honor events and love to see where the various students are going.
But I also know that when # 2 goes off, our family shifts and we will have #3 here entering middle school and making me nuts ! ( #3 is the one who likes to push my buttons and be difficult )
I will in many ways be harder than it was the first time.</p>
<p>Well, I can tell you for sure how NOT to do the whole "child leaving for college" thing: tear out and redo kitchen & master bath in home where both kids grew up, have D graduate from HS, have S finish his school which ends in 9th grade, start sorting through the family "memories" stored in the attic (baby clothes, toys, etc, etc), watch D & S pack up their rooms, take D to college, & then, in the space of 2 weeks, pack up most of rest of house, move, and have S start as a day student at new school where he knows exactly 2 kids (boarders from his previous school). Meanwhile, I know 1 person in our new town, a fair amount of our furniture is in the previous house so it will show better for sale, and D has never seen new house. The good news out of all this is I probably had less time & energy to feel blue about D leaving -- but still, it's not a path I'd recommend! :)</p>
<p>Thanks for this thread. The next time "Landslide" comes on the radio, I'll change the station.</p>
<p>Over the past year or so, I've been under the illusion that I've been "preparing." I love my only S for his growing independence, his zest for life, his excitement about college. I'm ready for school to be over because I, too, have senioritis. But a couple of weeks ago we visited the university he's likely to attend. When he looked at me with a totally serious expression and said, "I'm thinking I'll do the 17-meal plan, Mom. Does that sound good?" I could hardly maintain my composure. For two or three days after we got home, I cried at the drop of a hat. I absolutely have to move the cute toddler photo that hangs near my bed, so I don't see it when I wake up at 4 a.m. obsessing about how hard it all is!</p>
<p>But, as my screenname might indicate, I know lots and lots of mothers and fathers (including many parents of only children) who have made it through this transition and had great relationships with their college-age children. One of my role models is my sister, who has three college-age/young adult kids. Our parents did not do the separation thing well; in fact, they never did it at all, preferring to ignore the fact that we were adults with admirable lives. My siblings and I have worked hard to be different kinds of parents in that area.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, I'll keep the Kleenex handy, rely on the kindness of friends (and even "strangers" on CC), talk to my husband a lot because he's feeling it, too, and focus on what I want in my own life as we make this transition. And yes, that 17-meal plan sounds pretty good, but only if he promises to eat more vegetables.</p>
<p>Oh boy, great thread. I have already gotten the dog, plans are currently in process to begin building a new home, August is approaching way too quickly, and my husband does not understand why I am glued to this website. Looks like I'll be in for a loop-d'-loop roller coaster ride this year. Thanks for this thread...I'm sure I'll be back lots.</p>
<p>Geezermom: I would also steer clear of "Wake Me Up When September Ends" and (god forbid) "Wind Beneath My Wings". I mostly listen to talk these days but darned if it wasn't Whoopi Goldberg that had to go and put "Landslide" on my radio that morning!!</p>
<p>We are fast approaching D's last dance recital in May. My youngest D13 will be doing a tribute dance to her older sister to "For Good" from Wicked. I am misty right now at my desk. IDK what I will do when oldest D is gone, she has been my best friend, biggest supporter for so long. My most sensitive child. It pains me to see her going through so much and I am afraid of the first time she experiences any emotional or physical pain and I am not there to comfort her.</p>
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What can I, a son who will soon be leaving for college 7 hours away, do to help make it easier on my parents?
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<p>First, recognize that you're not the only one who's going through a weird time. They are, too. All of you may be a bit on edge as you get closer to the start of your first college year.</p>
<p>Second, keep the lines of communication open. Your parents will be interested in what's happening with you at college, and they can keep you informed of what's going on in your family and home community. Communicate often. In our family, we find that e-mail is very useful for this purpose. It doesn't intrude on the other person's life and schedule the way that phone calls do (although we do some calling, too).</p>
<p>Third, realize that you're not going to be gone all the time. There will be breaks and summers. Although the change is going to be a big one for all of you, it's not as though you will never see each other again. Everybody will adapt. It just takes a while.</p>
<p>Finally, beyond communicating and being civil, it isn't your responsibility to help your parents adapt to this new change. It's theirs. They will manage.</p>
<p>Nurseratchet : To my surprise, I discovered that one of the greatest joys as a parent was to watch them fly!!! They still circle around frequently as if to say, "Hey, look at me!" We are also on call when they crash land...</p>
<p>In short, no sadness here. I am thrilled for them!</p>