<p>Kids with strict parents tend to go wild in college and party all night.</p>
<p>I like the one used in the 3rd paragraph of Kristin's post, and I'm going to adopt that. I'm going to stick with midnight.
The curfew link was interesting reading. It is for the city of San Diego though, and we're in an area outside of the city.
Actually the falling asleep thing is very believable in my d's case; she really is one to fall asleep early, and I've observed the same thing when the bf is at our house. She will have friends over and always be the first one to fall asleep.
I'm also going to research the motor vehicle/driving laws a little more.
I've observed that boy's parent's are more lenient, in general, on this than girl's.
I don't mind explaining my reasons to my kids; if they want to debate though, it's still the rule.</p>
<p>OK, I found the pertinent driver's license restriction that applies to her, and it is 11 PM!</p>
<p>here is the relevant part of the law, according to CA's new "graduated" driver's license scheme:
"Stage 2: Provisional License
For the first 12 months (or until you turn 18), no driving permitted between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m., unless accompanied by licensed driver age 25 or older. Exceptions permitted for school, employment, family and medical need (licensees must carry a statement from the appropriate school official, employer, doctor or parent/guardian).
Violation of passenger or nighttime driving restrictions results in either court-ordered community service or a fine. Citations are given only if an officer stops a teen driver for another violation. "</p>
<p>but she will be 18 in a few more weeks...then the "provisional" becomes a "full" license and these restrictions are dropped, as long as she has no outstanding DMV or court-ordered restrictions</p>
<p>and that was another very good point made about car trouble being a more risky situation after midnight...</p>
<p>My parents didn't set curfews for me and I sometimes got home at 5 am. It was great for everyone.</p>
<p>I agree that it is riskier to be out after midnight, and that your rules are reasonable. As Cangel said, it's just common courtesy to live in a way that is not too disruptive to other members of the family.</p>
<p>That being said, my philosophy with my kids is that I will explain any rule the first time. I might even try a second time, if they really don't seem to get it. Then that's it -- it's just the rule. My feeling is that when kids constantly ask "why" regarding something like this, they don't really want to know your reasons. They just want you to change your mind. So you should decide if this is something really important to you, and make a decision. If you really want this to be a strict curfew, then exit the debate -- it's just the way it is. By the way, I'd explain the consequences of any infraction very clearly. If a kid doesn't follow the rule, then I'd institute the consequences right away.</p>
<p>wecandothis - I'm probably one of the few parents here who actually can understand where you're coming from with the falling asleep issue. When my H and I were dating (we met after college), we were both living with our parents to save money and there were many nights we'd fall asleep on the couch while watching tv. Looking back, I can't believe my strict parents never said anything since there were times when my dad would be waking up at 5 a.m. as my H was walking out the door. But the truth of the matter was that all that went on was that we really were tired and fell asleep. But of course, no one probably believed us either!</p>
<p>We have the same midnight curfew for our D, that is the way it is. Discussion and leaving the door open a crack only causes endless why why why.</p>
<p>As I've told my three kids "it's only a democracy so far" their response maybe we will vote out the current regime in favor of a more kid oriented administration. HaHa</p>
<p>Ray111, I always tell mine "it's not a democracy, it's a dictatorship" but they know I am kidding.
As for the curfew thing, we always went by the driving rules for CA so as long as license was provisional, home by the law.
Now son is 18, no provisional, only home for school holidays...no particular curfew but if he is driving I want to know where and when. New Year's Eve the rule was I wanted address of where he was when he arriving (going with a group) and no driving after 12pm (arranged to stay at a friends apt.).<br>
Once the provisional licenses or legal stuff for your area are gone, it's really all about your comfort and your kid. Rules for hs are different than college..
Friends whose kids are now adults have advised that this summer after freshman year can be difficult...advise that we pick four or less basic rules.</p>
<p>To me, it is all event specific. Certain events (cast parties, some club performances, etc) require a later curfew. Most evenings, I think 12 is plenty late enough, especially since young drivers have this as a curfew anyway.</p>
<p>If there is something fun and special, that's entirely different. For run of the mill "hanging and fun", I don't particularly want my sleep disrupted past midnight.</p>
<p>With DD's Junior license in PA, curfew is automatically 11:00. It works out just fine. I see no reason for a 17 year old to be out driving at all hours of the night. If she's out with someone driving with a Sr. license, her curfew is 12:00. </p>
<p>She could have gotten her Sr. license next month, except for the accident she had 2 weeks ago (fine was $107.00, has to repay the cost to repair the other person's car, 3 points on her driving record). Now she has to keep her Jr. license until Sept. when she turns 18. By then she'll be in college, with no car on campus.</p>
<p>I'm also in PA and our kids friends and our kids had 11 pm curfews due to the driving rules. When my daughter was in the HS drama and musical with late shows, they would have the director write them notes in case they got stopped. Also, in our small town there is nothing open past 11 except bars so there's really no place to hang out like a diner or a doughnut shop.</p>
<p>I'm assuming it must have been enforced by police because most of the kids took it pretty seriously. We were more flexible senior year when our daughter and the kids started turning 18 and had proved to be reliable, non-drinking adults. They would just plan their outings to end in time to get home by 11:00 when they were under 18, and then just a bit later over 18.</p>
<p>MY youngest doesn't exactly have a curfew, we more go by the time she LEAVES the activity. Nearby towns are 30-45 minutes away, neaby friends houses 10-35 minutes, so I prefer there be no mad rush speeding to make curfew; instead she is supposed to leave-depending on the event- by 12 or 12:30 and she usually texts me when she is leaving (so if I am asleep, I don't get awakened by a call, but can always check my texts to see what's up) Since I can see the glow of the porchlight from my bed (no streetlights out here in the boonies) I know whether or not she is home at a glance.</p>
<p>The roads are narrow, twisting, there are deer and sometimes snow, ice, etc. The time to leave the event has worked much better than a time to be home, that way being out in the stcks does not negatively cause the enture group to leave 10-30 minutes sooner just to accomodate D.</p>
<p>sewbusy- thanks for the vote of confidence on the falling asleep thing! well, she got slack all this past year with the 12 mid curfew, because I didn't realize the driving law stated 11 pm! and she was still arguing it should be later! there was some confusion on my part on that; don't know why I didn't "just Google it" as it is now clearly spelled out in the new graduated licensing thing.
but as someone reminded me in a PM there is an old adage in regard to this issue: "nothing good happens after midnight"
the next front in this will be about having a car on campus at college. A guidance counselor I respect highly recommends against this, in general. Cost may dictate against it anyhow, in our case. But how she demonstrates responsibility now will also impact my decision on that when she goes to college..</p>