D declares, "I'm not applying to my 1st choice ED"

<p>DD has identified a great fit academically and socially, and she's 95% sure that it's her first choice. It's probably a slight reach RD, but a decent shot ED. FA is not a major issue, since the amount will be small to none wherever she winds up.</p>

<p>Her reasoning about applying RD instead of ED: "I want to go knowing that I got in on my own merits, not just because I applied ED." </p>

<p>After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I didn't know what to think: either "wow, that's really admirable," or "are you out of your mind, girl?"</p>

<p>I think she'd be happy at any of her top choices, and one of them is probably stronger academically in the field that interests her than the #1 choice, so it's not exactly a make or break decision--maybe, in fact, it's just her way of saying that she's really not really so sure now that the time to commit is getting closer--but I am curious how other parents would react. This one was really out of left field.</p>

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<p>Sounds like she's 95% sure. Not 100%. </p>

<p>Perhaps she'd enjoy seeing who else out there wants her and what they're willing to do to get her. Not a bad idea after the hard work, time and energy she's put in making herself marketable.</p>

<p>When we were first visiting schools many were holding their "Accepted Student" days - D was quite envious of all of the HS seniors who were now in the drivers seat and choosing among colleges.</p>

<p>MM, I might try this line of reasoning on her: Pick her favorite, most impressive EC. Then tell her not applying ED for the stated reasons would be like leaving off her #1 EC because she didn't want it to make up for any weaknesses in her application. Ask her if she would submit weak ACTs along with strong SATs because she wanted to know if the "real her" merited admission. She really has to understand that her application should show her in the best possible light.</p>

<p>
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**She really has to understand that her application should show her in the best possible light.

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**</p>

<p>I don't agree. She has to live with her choices and that is about all she HAS to do.</p>

<p>Kids have funny ways sometimes of seeing the world. Often they have black-and-white reasoning, failing to see shades of grey.</p>

<p>here's a few things you could ask/tell her:</p>

<p>1) do they admit everyone who applies ED? If not, then nobody got in "just because" they applied ED. This is B&W reasoning.</p>

<p>2) ask her how she thinks colleges admit students, anyway. Is it a scientific process based on statistical research into admits and how they performed? Or is it based on judgement, with adcoms reading the whole app and trying to develop a picture in their mind of the student and whether there's a good fit for both student and school? Do colleges simply admit kids with the highest grades & test scores, or do they weigh and balance various factors? </p>

<p>3) ask her if colleges might prefer kids who really want to be at that college over those who feel they "settled". Might not desire to attend be a factor colleges care about? Is this any less fair a tipping factor than athletic or art ability?</p>

<p>4) ask her how colleges can reliably tell if someone is truly interested. After all anyone can write "you're my first choice!" in every app. Might a committment to attend if accepted send a more believable message?</p>

<p>5) welcome her to the adult world, where one has to make important decisions under uncertainty, and where one has to make tradeoffs.</p>

<p>My take is that your daughter is less sure it's a good fit than you are, and is grasping at straws because she doesn't know how to say it.</p>

<p>I have two unrelated anecdotes for the OP:</p>

<p>My son told us that he would have felt terrible if he was admitted to the top school where he is a legacy but not to other schools he applied to which are on an the same level of selectivity. His philosophy was that if he was only admitted to the legacy school, it would show he did not get into the school on his own merits. In the end, he was admitted to the legacy school as well as the other equally selective schools, and chose to attend one of the other schools rather than the legacy school.</p>

<p>My daughter applied ED to a school which seemed like a perfect fit for her. SHe ended up being unhappy there and transferring to a school where she is very happy. In retrospect, applying ED was probably not the right choice for my daughter. If your daughter is not 100% sure about the school, it would probably be better to apply RD to a range of schools,</p>

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[QUOTE]
"I want to go knowing that I got in on my own merits, not just because I applied ED."

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</p>

<p>Now if she didn't want to apply ED for other reasons (not sure if its the right fit for her FA concerns etc) then I would agree not applying ED might be a good idea but her reasoning is totally unconvincing. </p>

<p>Try explaining to her that universities do not just accept people based on their merits rather they are trying to create a diverse, intellectually bright class. It is well known that many students who have high grades and ECs simply do not get into some universities not because of their stats but because the university was looking for something that person did not have. By applying ED all she is doing is that she's telling them that they are her first choice no more no less.</p>

<p>Our son, who identified his clear first choice and proclaimed he was definitely going to apply ED (last spring) has spun around in circles several times about this so far. I suspect he is not done wavering either. His feelings on the ED issue seem largely influenced by whomever he has spoken with most recently, as the smallest and seemingly most trivial or ridiculous (to me) things can away him in either a positive or negative direction. </p>

<p>The bottom line, I think, is they simply do not make decisions on the same level we do. The whole issue of "getting in on my own merit" sounds to me like a smokescreen about other doubts your D may be having about this school.</p>

<p>Aside from your D's take on her situation, keep in mind that there are school-by-school differences on just how much ED helps increase admissions chances. For example, at Amherst College, they're on record that they don't admit a large number in the ED round, preferring to wait most decisions until RD time. So there, it might not improve her chances mightily to be an ED vs RD applicant. At other schools, the opposite holds true and if you don't get in by ED time, when some 40% of the new class is chosen, you have much narrower chances of admit in the RD round. It might be worthwhile to find out of the college you're thinking of is in one camp or the other.</p>

<p>I know a student who refused to visit schools, take interviews, and do anything to show interest. He wanted to know that he was admitted only because of his hard work, and not for any other reason. He also would not participate in hs when teachers would give bonus points for donating to soldiers, or for buying something at a fundraiser, etc. He also only applied to 3 schools. He told his parents that if he was not accepted into any of the 3 he would go into the army. He was accepted to one of the 3 schools, and rejected by other 2 schools.</p>

<p>Kids actually change a lot between the Nov. deadline for ED and the May deadline for enrollment RD. I would read her comments as saying that she would rather be at the best fit school than the most prestigious, and she is willing to sacrifice the ED edge to do it. Nothing wrong there.</p>

<p>FWIW: DS had a school picked out for about a year. At the last minute he applied ED to another school that he just had to go to. He was deferred. By the time RD decisions came around he was back at school one and very happy he had not be accepted ED. BTW: The school attends accepts 45% of the class ED, and he was accepted RD. It's equally selective as other school but a better fit. Prompted by his sister, he had an infatuation with being a different kind of person than he was. Both schools are excellent, so I don't think this was a make or break situation, but he did end up happy. </p>

<p>Much to our surprise we found that fit did determine acceptances/rejections.</p>

<p>I would support your girl and not pressure anyone into ED no matter what their articulated reason. People are accepted to wonderful schools RD.</p>

<p>Her reasoning is flawed, IMO, since ED is not that big of a bump. But, it sounds to me that the prospective school is not her clear #1, far and ahead of the others. Ask her if she gets into #1 & #2 with merit money or some other honor, would she still pick #1?</p>

<p>Read between the lines Dad and let fate take her on a journey.</p>

<p>Both of my 'bloom where you are planted' guys applied ED. Although we knew it was his best chance of getting into his first choice school, neither H or I believed S1 was mature enough for the intensity of his ED program. We thought he would be ready by junior year (and he was). He didn't get in and we were relieved. He's had an amazing experience thus far--with windows of opportunity that couldn't have been opened at the ED place. Massive windows, btw.</p>

<p>The second one applied ED to a school that is known for it's wide open avenues of possiblities. He got lucky and got in. He would have been a BMOC anywhere--but he seems very happy where he is. </p>

<p>As a parent, there is five minutes of shrieking joy when that amazing ED ticket falls your way. There is the matter of collecting heaps of kudos from society on behalf of your too clever child. (Far more kudos and increased respect than I expected, or deserve, frankly). However, I find the actual experience of launching a child into college is identical, no matter the school. </p>

<p>At the heart of that ED college 'experience' is the essence of his life. His learning. His spirit. His joy. His loves. That's the bit I can't take my eyes off--and you'll be the same. ED/SCHMEE-DEE.</p>

<p>If D doesn't want to apply ED, for whatever reason, she shouldn't. If you convince her to go the early decision route and she gets in and doesn't like the place, then she's going to tell you it's your fault.</p>

<p>Sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders. Trust her.</p>

<p>I think the point I would make (if this is really the one and only reason for your D's position) is that in today's crazy environment of competitive college admissions many kids can and do get rejected during regular decision and merit has absolutely nothing to do with it. </p>

<p>As paying3tuitions correctly points out, it can be a numbers game. It pays to look at not only the acceptance rate ED versus RD but also the % of the class that is taken in through ED. </p>

<p>An analogy here might be the case of two equally qualified job applicants. All else being equal the one that came in first might get the job - in the real world, as in college admissions, timing can be everything. </p>

<p>On the other hand, the decision to apply ED is also one of those times when "I don't know, I just don't feel like it" , is all the reason you really need to hear!</p>

<p>I understnad not applying ED if you aren't sure, but the Reason the D gave was "different"...that somehow ED students aren't worthy....interesting thought process going on there</p>

<p>I say, let her decide, most students don't apply ED</p>

<p>I would rather a kid not apply ED to their first choice college than for then to get in ED and then realize that they'd prefer to attend another school. I think that too many students now are applying ED even though they aren't 100% certain that they'd want to attend that college.</p>

<p>Most students' perspectives on the perfect college environment for themselves changes between fall and spring of senior year. They learn so much about themselves and the world, and that may change their college preferences. If they've gotten into a college ED and realize in March that they want a different environment, that's just tough luck. I would rather have my kid have choices come March and April than to have them locked into a college that they don't want. </p>

<p>There are thousands of colleges in the U.S., the majority of which accept the majority of their applicants. Virtually all students could be equally happy and fulfilled at a variety of colleges, so with few exceptions, there's no reason to lock oneself into a college choice very early.</p>

<p>This is not a case of your child narrowing her possibilities, so as a parent, I'd be relieved. Getting into a wonderful school ED can be a great thing, but sometimes those students feel they missed out on something come April when their friends are re-visiting schools and get to make a choice.</p>