Second thoughts about submitted ED application-is it too late?

Parents Forum
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<p>Thank you in advance for any suggestions or advice regarding the following:</p>

<p>D applied ED over a week ago and now we/she have some regrets and wonder if anything can be done about it.</p>

<p>After many pros and cons lists, overnight visits, information sessions, tours of many colleges, and reading several guidebooks, D was wrestling with appplying ED to one of her 2 top choice schools.
D preferred the campus and ambience of one of the schools, but the program that the other school offered was a better fit for her. After agonizing down to the wire, D decided to apply ED to the school with the better fitting program.<br>
I am now having second thoughts about this decision. I feel that my husband and I nudged D toward this school and although she says, not very convincingly, that she is fine with her decision, one knows their child, and I believe that she is having regrets also. I am feeling a lot of guilt.</p>

<p>D applied ED a little over a week ago and will be notified about whether she is admitted in mid-December.<br>
Is there a way to contact this school and, without ruining D's chances for admission and burning bridges, ask for her to be placed with the RD applicants? D would then apply EDII to the other school, and if she doesn't get admitted there during EDII, would hopefully get admitted to one or both of these school during RD.
We are not trying to game the system and would never apply to 2 ED schools at the same time. There has been a genuine change of heart and did not realize this would be the case until a day after the submit button was pushed.</p>

<p>We had read many times that one is not supposed to apply ED unless one is completely in love with a school. However, D's grades and SAT scores are quite good but not stellar. We felt, and this was confirmed by her college counselor several times, that her chances of admittance to either of her 2 top choice schools would be significantly greater if she applied ED.</p>

<p>I have read other threads about "buyers remorse." This could be that, but it feels like more than that. I have also read threads about negative consequences when parents nudge/push their kids toward one school weighed against the idea that these kids are 17 and parents have much more life experience and a long term view and should have some input in the decision. </p>

<p>Is there a way to remedy this situation?
Has anyone been in this position before and how have you dealt with it?
If there is no way to remedy this, how can I/we make peace with it?</p>

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<p>This happens all the time. Yes, she can easily call the other school and request that her application be put in the RD pool. There shouldn't be any repurcussions at all. And I doubt that she'd even be asked for a reason.</p>

<p>This is one situation in which it is really important for the student to make the call, so that the college knows that the student agrees and it's not just the parent calling without the kid's permission.</p>

<p>She should be fine. And good luck to both of you!</p>

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<p>Are you considering this because of your guilt, or because your daughter is very unhappy with the decision? By withdrawing from the ED school, she may end up not getting into either school. </p>

<p>I talked my daughter into going to a school that she would never have considered going, right up to the wire. I was very nervous because I pushed her to pick that school over 2 others that she liked more. But everything she liked about those schools didn't sound right to me. She is very happy at her school and she thanked me for helping her with that decision.</p>

<p>There is risk no matter what you do. Just make sure it's something you could live with - if she doesn't get into either school would she be happy with other schools on her list? Of course there is nothing that says she'll get into this school under ED either. She could also feel the same way in April after she's made a deposit to a school - buyer's remorse. I mentioned our personal experience/outcome to just give you another perspective. In our case, I felt like I knew my daughter better than her and my intervention was appreciated by her. It could have very well turned out differently. I took the risk, but my husband wasn't 100% with me on it. We've had some heated discussion at home about this.</p>

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<p>I second both Chedva and Oldfort--as long as your child contacts the admissions office and asks to change her application to RD, the admissions office will not imply anything negative from this.</p>

<p>As to the question of what your D is really thinking, you do have to know your child. S was accepted to his 2 top schools; DH and I had a clear preference for one, but we kept our mouths shut as long as we could, because we had been very clear with him that his was the ultimate choice. However, when it was so close to the decision deadline that we had to Fed Ex the deposit to the school he ultimately chose, he was still unable to decide. He finally said, "ok, which school should I go to? We told him. He went. It was the right place for him, and he has repeatedly acknowledged this to us. This doesn't work for every kid.</p>

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<p>I was so relieved to read Chedva's quick, confident advice. After following that advice (having the D call...) just breathe easy and let the future happen.</p>

<p>What I want to add is that I had one kid apply ED appropriately in that it was
far and away her first choice. If you all had that close a decision to parse, it probably wasn't meant to be ED. ED should emerge from this process by a mile, not by a hair, IMO.</p>

<p>Another of my kids applied ED for somewhat the wrong reason, I now think. Although he loved the college, he may have been more in love with the idea of college and it was the first great one he saw. He didn't get in ED, and also didn't get in on the deferred RD. Meanwhile, his essays for the other 7 schools got better and better as he wrote them. After he went to one of the others, he wrote back to us in Oct. of freshman year that, had he known how happy he'd be there [in what he'd thought of as a 'second choice'] "it would have been my first choice all along."</p>

<p>A nephew applied ED to improve his chances at his reachiest school, and was simply turned down. He then proceeded to fall in love with every other place on his college list. That was also a good response, I think. He tried, but when it didn't work to improve his edge, he bounced back fine because he "liked every other school on his list."</p>

<p>ED is tricky, but the consensus seems to be it should be FAR AND AWAY one's first choice. Perhaps the pressure to improve one's chances shaded your thinking a few weeks back. It's very understandable. There's a lot of pressure and worry.</p>

<p>I hope she makes the call and you can all breathe easier. Whatever will be will be, but you won't wonder if you pressed her into wherver she ends up. Then, a year from now, whatever ups or downs she has (normal to all colleges) won't be blamed on you!</p>

<p>Isn't it great to have people like CHedva and others so experienced to advise...</p>

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<p>They might want something in writing, which would be a samrt thing for the college to expect</p>

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<p>Jill, As Oldfort says "There is risk no matter what you do." I don't believe that your ED choice has to be miles ahead of #2. I see it more from the other direction: Visualize getting a rejection in the RD round. Would you forever kick yourself for not applying ED?</p>

<p>It sounds to me that the road not taken has a strong emotional appeal for your daughter, which, to me, is what fit is all about.</p>

<p>I agree, have her call (and write, good point) her ED school and ask to be put in the RD pool. As others [and the Beatles] have said I'm certain that it happens all the time. </p>

<p>In the interim go back to the other place for a second look, maybe an overnight. If she still feels the draw to the campus and ambience, then apply EDII.</p>