<p>My D seems to have developed some health issues since starting college.Went to ER second night after we left her.Called at 4 AM to ask how to pay for ER visit.Since then has seen doctor at health services,who have referred her to a specialist.The problem is she is 18,and not really telling us much about what is going on .I feel anxious and frustrated,because I know very little ,and worry she is not taking enough action.Of course,I spoke with a "patient advocate" who said we would be notified if she were admitted to a hospital.Other than that,we as parents will not be in the information loop.Has anyone experienced a problem like mine ?Of course, I spoke with D and asked to be given info.,but no guarantees that we will hear adequately .I am content for her to have her privacy in other issues ,but her health can be serious if not taken care of.</p>
<p>If my daughter called the second night after we dropped her off at college from the ER, I would get in my car or on a plane and go find out. Particularly if she isn’t answering questions to my satisfaction over the phone.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, has she told you anything about what’s bothering her? If she would tell you the name of the specialist, maybe you could look him up and find out his medical speciality. I am so sorry that you are worried. I can totally relate, because my daughter does not tell me if anything is wrong with her physically until it becomes bad.</p>
<p>Faux - Is she going to her classes? Maybe it is not anything serious and she is trying to handle it on her own. If you can I would try to visit her so you can see for yourself how she is.</p>
<p>My D had health issues while at school. I had to navigate the HMO to get things approved for her, which was a bit difficult due to her being over 18. Fortunately, D was very open about her issues, so I was kept up to date. When I had to advocate for my mom, though, I had her sign statements with her doctors that allowed me to communicate with them. If you have a good relationship with your D, talk to her about this. Tell her you can’t just stop being a mom because she is 18 & at college. Ask what’s going on. Ask if she would allow you to speak with her doctor (if, after your discussion, you feel you need to do so).</p>
<p>She is 500 miles away.I shared the little info. I was given with a pediatric nurse friend,who said she would be concerned too.D has appt.with specialist-I know the speciality,and the problem she is having.Has appt.9/23-I hate waiting!Husband feels if other problems develop she will go back to student health .I would love to get others involved,but husband feels we should not he helicopter parents,although I would love to tell her dormperson ,who knows about ER visit</p>
<p>I can understand your concern. I would bet, though, that your D will tell you more if it becomes necessary. Hang in there!!</p>
<p>Son had a series of minor health issues freshman year (e.g., flu, bronchitis, diarrhea, stomach ahes, etc., etc.) After a certain point, it seemed that he was so run down that he was constantly battling some bug. In retrospect, I wish I had tried to convince him to come home for a week or two. Parents of one of his friends took their daughter home for two weeks with mono. Despite having to cartch up when she got back to school, she had a much more successful semester than S, who never felt up to snuff and felt that he had never gotten enough sleep to be healthy. (Some of you may already know that he and his roomie had the “party room.”)</p>
<p>I think that at Parent Orientation at DS’s school they said student can sign a form authorizing parental communication. Then again, perhaps that is just my wishful thinking memory.</p>
<p>Hang in there fauxmaven ;)</p>
<p>Our kids had no problems signing the HIPAA and FERPA paperwork so that we could be involved if need be. We have not needed anything having to do with FERPA. And being able to communicate with health care providers via HIPAA permission has kept us in the loop for medical issues. She won’t sign?</p>
<p>Ask her to sign the waiver to allow her medical info to be shared with you.</p>
<p>At my son’s orientation we were given a form for student and parents to sign allowing medical information to be divulged. Did you sign one by any chance?</p>
<p>DD was seen in the ER in January…and when she called, I told her to put us on the release form the hospital had her sign (HIPAA). She did so. This gave me the permission to speak to the doctors in the ER. She was subsequently admitted to the hospital and had surgery. Again…she signed the required HIPAA release forms giving us permission to speak to all the doctors who were treating her. Before her surgeries (she had two) we spoke to both doctors because she had signed these forms. Oh…and our DD was almost 22.
Our kids like to try to handle their health issues themselves, but the reality is they also want our help.</p>
<p>Did I mention that we were 3000 miles away when all of this happened? </p>
<p>If it were me, I would ask your daughter to sign the HIPAA release giving the doctors permission to talk to you.</p>
<p>BTW…there is no HIPAA form that you sign for any occurance. This must be done for each medical event.</p>
<p>If the problem is not an emergency, an appointment with a specialist in 2 weeks is not bad… If it becomes an emergency, your daughter, of course, should go to the ER.</p>
<p>It seems like she does share with you quite a bit (you know what the problem is, and who is her doctor). Do not talk to people at her school behind her back. You will loose her trust if you do so. Just make sure that she knows what to do if anything worsens, and be available for advice and help with administrative stuff (like talking to the insurance company, etc.)</p>
<p>I understand that you are very worried and upset. But try to be calm, so your D will seek you out for support, and will try to avoid talking to you.</p>
<p>I can completely understand how you must feel. I want to add something, just in case it might ring a bit true. </p>
<p>Back in the day when I was a young person- and even now as a not young person- I was reluctant to share with my mom anything that would make her worry. Because she was a worrier and the last thing I needed was to worry about her worrying! If I was busy solving something myself, it was a burden, and not a help, to have my mom part of it. So I would not tell her things until I really had to (because usually I could take care of them myself and it was so so much easier for me for her not to know until I knew the outcome).</p>
<p>I’m not saying you are like that at all, I don’t know your relationship with your child. But I sometimes see in myself a bit of my mom and then gee, wonder why my kids don’t always want to tell me something :)</p>
<p>I guess it means it is important for us not to make something into a ‘big deal’ to the extent we can avoid doing so, not to overreact or show our worry. To be helpful if we really will make a difference, while also not overdoing it on the action front. I think it’s also important for us parents to be honest with ourselves about why we want information: for us to know if we want to know information just so we will feel better, or if we want to know information to actually be useful to our kids.</p>
<p>Oh it’s so hard to let go so they can learn to handle it! Especially on matters of health and wellbeing.</p>
<p>D does not want me to know anything except for what she tells me-does not want parents involved in her decisions-last thing she would want is to call dr.-I know it’s a neurologist ,and she is experiencing vertigo,which never happened until she started college.I did get a text message this AM that she hasn’t had to use medication yet,but she clearly wants to not involve us.I assume she is somewhat okay and going to class.Did read about vertigo and make some simple suggestions by text message .D is tippy top achiever ,independent world traveler,but she is still my baby…</p>
<p>With medical issues, we actually were somewhat insistent that our kids at least communicate with us and sign a release JUST IN CASE. We did NOT call the docs ourselves. In the case of DD’s surgery…the doctor called US (because of that signed HIPAA consent). </p>
<p>Also, we DID have issues with billing. Our health insurance was very willing to talk to us about the bills (because <em>I</em> am the policy holder), but again…if DD hadn’t signed the HIPAA release, they would NOT have discussed specific procedures and the bills for those (one of which was incorrect). Since my kids do NOT want to pay for medical bills (nor do they have the money to do so)…they sign both HIPAA and FERPA releases for anything that involves health AND money.</p>
<p>Another thing my kids carried with their ID papers was contact info for us…cell, house and work phone numbers. A hospital WILL contact you if your child is brought there not able to speak for themselves (unconscious or severely injured)…but only if the kiddo HAS the contact info on them.</p>
<p>My parents didn’t make me sign any waivers but would not pay a bill unless they not only knew what was going on, but if not an emergency they would expect to be asked if they would pay before I did anything as well. Just going about my business and refusing to share any details while still expecting someone else to handle the bills would not be acceptable here.</p>
<p>My D had recurring UTIs freshman year. I had her sign a waiver at health services so I could talk to them, and also her Dr. at home. My D actually was glad to have me talk to them, she was too overwhelmed to take it all in. I also called her pediatrician at home (this has been her Dr her entire life) and arranged for all lab results to be sent to her, and I got her OK re: treatment. The pediatrician also said she’d talk to my daughter directly or to health services as needed. My D goes to a small school where health services only has a nurse practitioner, not a Dr.</p>
<p>^ I lament not always being in the know, yet the flip side is having a child with independence. I would much rather have my child feel comfortable handling it herself than wanting me to do it. It’s exactly why it’s so important for kids to learn independence before they go off to college. Maybe it’s different in our house as one of my kids has had pretty extensive health issues so it was critical that she feel comfortable handling it on her own at a younger age. I really think our kids would be much better served if we continually delegated…let them do things as soon as they are able (including calling doctors, doing laundry, advocating for themselves with teachers and so on).</p>