Dad is kicking me out in July (when I turn 18)?

Paying for College
1

<p>Will this have any bearing on my financial aid? My dad's side of the family is obviously not helping me pay for college but that's the income that is used for financial aid... I recently got into Wellesley and according to the Net Price Calculator, this is an estimate of the costs:</p>

<p>Wellesley:
Cost: $56,500
FA: $31,137 grant, $4,725 work study and loans
Cost after FA: $25,363</p>

<p>I'm really trying to trust God with this financial aid stuff. I'm really stressed out because I've been dreaming of going to Wellesley for a long time and now it seems impossible. I'm willing to take out loans if I need to but I can only work at Starbucks for so many hours...</p>

2

<p>You may have to consider other options. Why is he kicking you out? Is Wellesley a Profile school? You are eligible for up to $5500 in Stafford loans to help toward the $25,363, but that’s not going to touch most of it. Does your Dad realize that you will need his financial info until you are 24, (or otherwise indep, meaning have a child, married, orphaned, in the service, etc) and that simply saying he is not longer responsible for you isn’t really going to help?
I hope you also applied to other, more affordable schools, or are open to the idea of community college now that you find yourself in this situation. Good luck. It sucks we can’t pick our families, huh? You should still be very proud of your acceptance to Wellesley…a fantastic school for strong, intelligent women, which means that you are also one and will do well where ever you end up going to school!</p>

3

<p>Wellesley is a profile school. He’s kicking me out because I was being “dishonest” and he feels like he doesn’t deserve a daughter that lies. He has warned me that if I lied he’d kick me out and he just accused me of it last night…</p>

4

<p>He is hurt, and right that he doesn’t deserve to be lied to. He will calm down about this I am sure, if you can do what you need to do to mature and be on the up-and-up with him. Consider carefully what he feels you have been dishonest about. I know teens need privacy, and to feel that they are living their own lives, but, while you are under his rules in his home, can you include your father in as much as your life as possible so he feels informed, and knowledgeable, and can develop more trust in you? Can you approach him to have a conversation if you disagree and feel that you weren’t being “dishonest” but private? Invite him to lunch or something, and ask for clarification from him about the things he is expecting complete openness on, and where he acknowledges your need for personal choice, privacy, etc. I may be inferring too much here, but I have an 18 year old, and have felt dishonesty when she has omitted information that I later realized wasn’t about safety, etc, but had more to do with her needing to have privacy to live her own life. (I don’t tell my parents everything at 44, so does that mean I am being dishonest? I don’t think so.) If you were lying to him, he does have the right to be hurt and angry, and may feel you will lie about things during college, a very expensive time for him when he needs to trust you to be at your best to cover his huge financial investment in YOU. You have some reflection to do. Open conversation with him. Try to understand him, and see if he can come to understand you as a young adult instead of a child. But, you have to act like that “adult” to get there with him.</p>

5

<p>could be just an emotional burst. U have time till July. be nice and get him to pay for you.</p>

6

<p>I assume you received a likely at Wellesley and will not get an actual financial aid package until late March or early April. Assuming that the actual package matches the NPC, your numbers don’t add up and I think your anticipated grant is $26,412. This means that you will have to come up with about $30,000 through loans, working, parental support, etc. You have a couple of months to determine whether you will be able to come up with this amount, but in the meantime make sure that you continue to look at other colleges that might be more affordable.</p>

7

<p>First of all congrats on getting into Wellesley.</p>

<p>You may have 2 separate issues that need to be addressed. </p>

<p>I gather from your previous posts that you live with your dad and stepmom. </p>

<p>If you can no longer stay with your dad is living with your mom a viable option?</p>

<p>The second part involves the financial aid piece. </p>

<p>Even if you and your dad do not get along, the school will still consider his income and assets in granting you financial aid in the future (because there is not an involuntary dissolution of your family). At profile schools, once you start as a dependent, when it comes to institutional aid, you finish as a dependent even if you meet the federal requirements to be a independent student.</p>

<p>I agree with teachandmom, that you both need a little space from one another and a minute to cool down. I also agree that as parents, it is very hurtful when out children are being less than truthful with us and it violates our trust. </p>

<p>You are starting the next phase of your life and as parents. I think that we want to have some level of interdependence; where we can give you room to make choices for yourself but we are still there when you need us. </p>

<p>You have to know go full circle back to the lessons that you were taught as a little girl; when you hurt someone’s feelings that you must apologize. Whether it is a lie of omission (withholding the truth and him just finding out that you applied to a college across the country) or a lie of commission (being straight up non truthful), you gotta apologize to your father and let him know that it was not your intent to hurt him. If your father did not love you and feel hurt by your actions, he would not be lashing out at you. His lashing out could also be masking nervousness or fear about the $25k EFC, especially if he knows that he and your stepmom don’t have it.</p>

<p>You need to sit quietly talk about the situation and create a win-win situation.</p>

8

<p>@CountMonteCristo: I included the loans in the cost because it’s essentially something I have to pay for. </p>

<p>Thank you all for your advice. It’s a bit annoying for me because I wasn’t intentionally omitting information. He thought I was lying about something that just happened to be left out because he didn’t directly ask me… </p>

<p>I did apply to other schools (in my other financial aid thread). However, the costs remain to be $16000-25000 depending on what school. Either way my parents wont be helping. So what if this doesn’t get resolved? Am I just stuck going to community college or taking out thousands of dollars in loans? What if I do go back and live with my mom? Can I tell the colleges that and have them readjust the aid? She’s a single mother with four kids…</p>

9

<p>You haven’t been living with your mom, so they can’t just adjust the aid and use her income. Besides, Wellesley uses all parents’ incomes.</p>

<p>YOU can’t borrow much. YOU can only borrow 5500 on your own. It’s highly unlikely that either of your parents will co-sign big loans for you (and they shouldn’t).</p>

<p>You could move in with mom, take a gap year, reapply to schools that will give you huge merit…and only use custodial parent’s income.</p>

<p>Frankly…you kind of need to do the above…if your dad is going to act this way thru-out your college years, then he could pull the rug out at anytime during the 4 years…and then you’d be high and dry with no options. There’s going to be many, many times in college where your dad is going to feel like he’s not being told the “whole story”.</p>

10

<p>Look I’m going to be abit tough. You need to take a deep breath and understand that you will not be able to afford to go away to college without financial support from your mother and/or your father. Now instead of just a money worry now you have a parent worry. If you lied to your father you need to work that out, now. You also need to have some heart to heart realistic discussions about what your family members are going to be able to give you for college and if the answer is zero you need to let go of the dream and figure out what your B plan is. Remember, too, this is a four year commitment, not just a “how do I get through the August tuition bill” type of situation. The advice above is good, you need to get to a point with your family where everyone is honest and truthful and you work together otherwise you really are on your own and you will be worried less about your dream school and more about how you will be able to afford tuition, books, an apartment and transportation and job time on a barista’s earnings.</p>

11

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<p>You told a lie of omission. Deep down you knew that he would have wanted to know that piece of information. I am just going to be harsh, you tried to play him (leaving things out) and you got played (with him lashing out at you).</p>

<p>I agree with M2CK.</p>

<p>Based on your previous information, if you live with your mom and she is the custodial parent, you will be eligible for Pell (but that really will not make a dent in the 25K price tag). Your father’s income and assets will still be used to determine institutional aid at profile schools.</p>

<p>Is there a financial safety on your list?</p>

12

<p>Washington State University. </p>

<p>WSU:
Cost: $20,000
FA: already got a $4000 merit scholarship, possibly more to come?
Cost after FA: $16,000</p>

<p>I will be applying to more scholarships but for now, this is it.</p>

13

<p>have you considered looking into other schools? you can go to the common app website to see if there are schools still accepting applications. You may need to apply to schools where your stats are in the 75th of admitted students and you stand a good chance at merit aid.</p>

<p>I don’t know how you would feel about attending a Historically black college, however with your stats, you would get virtually a free ride (tuition, room board fees & 500 in books) at Howard University (in DC). Being asian from washington state would definitely be a hook</p>

<p>[Grants</a>, Scholarships & Fellowships - Howard University](<a href=“http://www.howard.edu/financialaid/grants_scholarships.htm#Freshman]Grants”>http://www.howard.edu/financialaid/grants_scholarships.htm#Freshman)</p>

<p>they do participate in an exchange program</p>

<p>[Independent</a> Exchange Programs - Howard University](<a href=“http://www.howard.edu/enrollment/exchange/huiep.htm]Independent”>http://www.howard.edu/enrollment/exchange/huiep.htm)</p>

14

<p>The other posters are totally right. You can only take out a $5,500 load on your own. That is the max Stafford loan for a Freshman. And that is the max amount of loans any student should take in a year. Any more than that means you will cripple your future financially and that you can’t afford a school.</p>

15

<p>The deadline was February 15th?</p>

16

<p>I don’t remember it being an absolutely hard deadline. Call them to find out if they will still entertain an application (contact patrick scott, your regional person). If they say yes, you could send your part electronically and just overnight, the rec letters, etc.</p>

17

<p>@sybbie719, I just sent Patrick and email. Thanks so much for your suggestion.</p>

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<p>Another consideration when finances are tough would be to attend a local university where you could commute. Maybe your mom would be open to you living with her (and her family) with for a monthly contribution to the household expenses – still way cheaper than living on campus or renting an apartment with roommates.</p>

19

<p>No kid gloves here.</p>

<p>I agree with all the comments about fixing the relationship with dad. I’m sure he believes this is the last and only thing he can do to illustrate how much you are hurting him. He feels so hurt that he believes DEVASTATING YOUR FUTURE is on par with what you have done to him.</p>

<p>Your comment about not answering a question he didn’t specifically ask, speaks volumes… all bad… about YOU! I hate to assume here, but I’d bet good money you knew what information he would appreciate being told and you probably withheld that information on purpose… because he didn’t ask specifically. </p>

<p>What he is accusing you of is a “Lie of omission.” Even though one does not speak a non-truth, it is a lie all the same, and is even recognized in courts of law. If information is considered critical for a decision and it is withheld, it is considered deception by the courts. I recommend you stop trying to be clever, because you are not. In fact the opposite. You’re so clever that your future is about to hit the toilet.</p>

<p>My niece was being “clever” with her parents (mostly father) in a similar way. My wife and I took her aside and I said things I will repeat for you here:</p>

<p>How smart are you today compared to last year? How about two years ago? Do you think you learned a lot in the past two years? Are you more mature than two years ago? More likely to understand the context and dynamics of particular situations and make more appropriate decisions now than two years ago?</p>

<p>I’ve got news for you. That process never ends. It starts in puberty and it may slow down over the years, but it never ends. I’m 52 and I’m smarter and wiser (those two aren’t the same IMHO) than I was just a few years ago. Your dad got smarter and wiser, more mature, better able to understand interpersonal context and dynamics, etc, etc, etc… during all the years of his adolescent and adult lives.</p>

<p>Think about it. How many years has it been since you were 13/14? How many years has it been for your dad? Holy cow, that’s a lot more time to mature and grow, isn’t it? But somehow you think you know better than he, right? </p>

<p>If you believe you are smarter than he, more clever than he, able to read situations better than he, etc, etc, etc… you are the opposite of clever. What my niece never understood (until we told her) was her father wasn’t stupid. He was just looking the other way, giving the benefit of the doubt, giving space, and hoping she’d come around. But she wasn’t coming around. The more he allowed her to walk on him, the less respect she gave him. All the times he trusted her to behave and gave her money to shop, he was being a loving and respectful father. Instead, our niece saw her father as a stupid patsy and got angry when he began to put his foot down. </p>

<p>If I’m all wet here, than I’m sorry for assuming the worst of you. If the guy is really a jerk, abusive, self centered, etc… than stand up and tell him off AFTER YOU HAVE THE EDUCATION YOU WANT!!! Have you ever heard the expression “Cutting off your nose to spite your face”?</p>

20

<p>That’s some wise advice there ^^ I do hope the OP comes back and realizes that we are just trying to help lay out the situation with third, fourth, fifth and so on pairs of eyes and not going into attack mode. Sometimes the truth hurts.</p>