<p>My good friend and roommate from college lives on my block and I am godmother to her oldest D who is a junior in high school. When my friend's two D's were 5 and 9, her husband up and left them for a 25 year old he met on the internet. They divorced and share joint custody of the girls although he only sees them for 2 weeks in summer and a few days at Christmas (He moved first to LA then to Toronto). He was the breadwinner, she was a stay at home mom. She works part time now and he pays support which will end for each girl at age 18. He has since divorced wife #2 and is engaged to #3 who has a 4 year old. He has said he will not give any money for college to either D that once they're 18 they are on their own. Yet because he has joint custody we're assuming his income (which is substantial) must be reported on the FAFSA. My friend can't afford much with her job and only has a small bit of savings. Does my friend have to try to get sole custody so that her husband's income won't count on the FAFSA? Or is there some other way to prove need? Help would be appreciated.</p>
<p>The mom has only a part-time job seven years after her divorce, though she has no savings for kids' college? Sounds like neither parent puts a priority on education.</p>
<p>You are lucky to be living in Wisconsin, with its excellent low-cost state university system. My nephews worked their way through UW schools, doing everything from cleaning dorms to catering. The colleges were a big help. Why not talk to the financial aid office at your local school to see what kind of expenses the girls will be expected to handle?</p>
<p>Also, look in the Financial Aid forum for more advice.</p>
<p>"The mom has only a part-time job seven years after her divorce, though she has no savings for kids' college? Sounds like neither parent puts a priority on education."</p>
<p>I think it's not for any of us to judge someone else's situation. We have no idea of their situation. </p>
<p>Baymom - I think there have been some threads here dealing with similar situations.</p>
<p>Baymom, the legal custody situation won't make any difference. On the FAFSA, you only report the parent who the student actually lives with most of the time -- and most Profile schools will take the father's income into account even if he is completely absent. So basically, your friend just needs to have her kid apply to colleges that only look to the FAFSA -- that will be most public universities and many of the lesser ranked private colleges.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. Our state schools in Wisconsin are good but don't have much choice in the majors the oldest is looking into. But she'll go where she can afford to. I'll search the other threads too for further thoughts. </p>
<p>In my friends' defense, she is the only child of a widowed mother with agoraphobia who lives over an hour away. She is responsible for her care and drives there several times a week making full time work a real challenge. She hasn't been able to save because she's also supporting her mom who refuses to leave her house and move in with or near my friend (her dad died suddenly 30 years ago with few resources to leave behind). It's really a sad situation and she is truly alone except for a few good friends.</p>
<p>I'd say shoot 'im, if I wasn't a pacifist. ;)</p>
<p>I am sure we would get a different story if we heard from the father. This is a classic case of he said-she said.</p>
<p>The colleges won't care what he says or she says, only that he is responsible for paying, so why should we?</p>
<p>Joe, sorry but I feel compelled to comment. This particular instance does not read as a he says she says. Perhaps other aspects of the relationship might be that way but this was clear. The father pays child support until age 18 and has said he will not foot the college bill. It seems like that was said and now the mom is trying to get information as to what the father's responsibilities would be in a financial aid situation. I don't think what you said is pertinent here. I feel for these kids when a parent is able financially but chooses to not support them, and in light of putting resources into his new family and kids instead. </p>
<p>I don't know the answers of this situation but I hope this parent gets all the advice she needs. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I meant the other aspects of the relationship, not the college part. Sorry if I didn't clarify. :(</p>
<p>Joe, I just disagree with you but that's ok. There was nothing in that post about their relationship and only the facts of the financial arrangement regarding support. Your comment that you'd get a different story from the dad or it was a classic he says ,she says (which I realize would be true in various aspects of divorce) seemed to be an outgrowth of what was posted. But what was posted wasn't about other aspects of the relationship, just this factual part about the child support and financial arrangements with regard to college. I doubt the kids or mom are unclear if the dad said he was unwilling to pay for college. They would have no reason to make that up. In fact, that is the dilemma they are facing. </p>
<p>I hope this person really gets advice of how this works so that the kids do not get shafted. I personally find it sad when in a divorce when a parent kinda divorces the kids too. I feel for them here particularly if dad has the resources. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I agree with soozievt. This is such a sad story and sarcasm and humor are inappropriate.</p>
<p>Man, we are even arguing about the aspects of this situation and divorce and we are like three parties removed! This is why I am not a big fan of divorce.</p>
<p>Add me to the list of parents somewhat horrified at the insensitive remarks made here. The situation of the ex who won't pay past the age of 18 is common -- I'm in the same boat myself. I have a hard enough time getting my ex to pay current child support - he's at least 6 months behind on payments right now - the law says that the support obligation ends at 18 and many divorced, noncustodial parents resent having to make payments at all and are very glad to see it end. If anything, it is rare for a noncustodial parent to make much of a contribution once the kid turns 18 -- though I had the foresight to at least insist that child support at least continues until June of the year my kids turns 18, since both were/will be still in high school at that age. </p>
<p>Support obligations are not a he said/she said thing - they are generally specified in rather ironclad terms in the marital settlement agreement or divorce decree. It is a rare parent who is willing to pay out any more than their court-imposed obligation. </p>
<p>It is also very difficult for a single parent to maintain full time employment when kids are still young, and the cost of daycare often is equal to or more than the difference between full-time & part-time salaries. IMHO it gets harder, not easier, when the kids are in their early teens and more likely to get into serious trouble if a parent isn't around to monitor their comings and goings. I was happy to let others take responsibility for minding my kids when they were small and the job entailed potty training or providing crayons - but I changed careers and cut back on hours so I could be home in the afternoons after my oldest turned 12 and would have been a latchkey kid coming home to an empty house. It is also very difficult for an older woman who has not been working for a time to find very lucrative employment -- we may very well be talking about the difference between working 25 hours a week and 40 hours a week for a $10/hour rate of pay -- (i.e., +$150 per week, less taxes, when after-school care for 2 kids might easily be running at least $200/week - I think the after school day care program for my kids was about $450/month per kid, and that was 10 years ago. </p>
<p>The local paper had a feature this week about how much it costs to meet basic needs living in the SF Bay area -- and it said a single parent with 2 kids would need to make $30/hour at a 40 hour/week job just to meet basic expenses (estimated at around $54K annually). You can see the chart depicting monthly costs here:
<a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/c/a/2005/09/28/MNGF8EV3UL1.DTL&o=1%5B/url%5D">http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/c/a/2005/09/28/MNGF8EV3UL1.DTL&o=1</a></p>
<p>Full text article is here:
<a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/09/28/MNGF8EV3UL1.DTL&hw=basic+living+expenses&sn=002&sc=935%5B/url%5D">http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/09/28/MNGF8EV3UL1.DTL&hw=basic+living+expenses&sn=002&sc=935</a></p>
<p>Note that it is MORE expensive for the single parent than for a 2-parent household, due to the child care costs, which the article reports as being $1,256 monthly </p>
<p>Minimum wage in California is $6.75 an hour, $8.50 in San Francisco. </p>
<p>Obviously it is not as costly for the Wisconsin mom, but the overall equation is the same: dad moves out, life becomes more expensive for mom, mom's salary is no where near enough to cover basic needs. If the mom is lucky, the child support will pay the difference ... but it's unlikely that there will be enough available to put into savings.</p>
<p>The irony for me - as the parent stuck with the college bills - is that just as the kid goes off to college and my expenses go UP because of the college tuition costs, the child support check cuts off. So I've got more expenses, less income. </p>
<p>And as noted, I'll bet that 90% of the other single moms out there are in the same boat. So no point complaining -- the federal government recognizes the problem, which is why the FAFSA doesn't ask about the ex's income and assets.</p>
<p>These above reasons that calmom has stated, are exactly why I am not at all a fan of divorce.</p>
<p>I think I can speak for several posters on this thread when I say that we don't really care what you think joev.</p>
<p>Hey, if this is a straightforward question regarding $$, FAFSA, etc. then why the 'Lowlife Ex' in the title and all the extranneous details about what the ex has done? I'm put off by all the innuendo and description that doesn't have anything to do with the question posed.</p>
<p>My divorce agreement calls out a financial committment for both parents with respect to college education. It is a shame that the standard agreements go by age 18 and do not account for college education.</p>
<p>Also, $1254 is a tad high for child care costs. Assuming a 22 days in a work month, that is $57 a day. There are subsidies for this sort of thing. Futhermore what says that these people have to live in San Francisco after a divorce? I cannot afford to live in Pepper Pike (rich suburb of Cleveland) so I don't. If the single mother in question cannot afford to live in a certain neighborhood after the divorce, she should live within her means like the rest of America. Regardless of what ColumbiaMom says, this is a big sticking point with me of fathers getting the shaft in most divorce cases.</p>
<p>Joe, I do not know too many who are a "fan of divorce", sorry. It ain't pretty. But who is losing out here? The kids! The kids did not choose to be in this situation. </p>
<p>I feel for the kids. I feel for the mom too. I will NEVER understand how a parent in a divorce OPTS out of desire to support his (or her) children. It's their kids! </p>
<p>As far as the first post, I think it was helpful to explain that the father lives far away, has remarried, divorced, is marrying again to someone with a child (so this situation means a NEW FAMILY) and what the current agreement for child support is and what his statement of intentions are when the kids turn 18. Most of what was in the post painted the picture of the facts. The only "opinion" part really was the title of "lowlife" but I think that just reflected the poster's opinion that a parent who chooses to opt out on the kids just because he is divorced is one that she has a low opinion of (as do I). I think that she is what she meant by the term "lowlife" as opposed to anything else about him, which of course is simply opinion. Otherwise, the post really gave the facts and there is hardship for the parent who is going it alone raising her kids with an absentee father. I thought most of this post WAS straightforward. </p>
<p>I think Joe's comment was debating the mom's end of the story. It seemed quite inappropriate to me. </p>
<p>Stick with the facts. The woman needs advice (which I unfortunately do not know enough about to give it) for her situation for HER KIDS' sakes. She cares about this. It can be fairly deducted that the father does not if he says he won't help. Her means are limited and we should not sit in judgement as to why. I think it is clear why, given her situation. This responsibility (paying for college) should not be all hers. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Joe, I did not see your latest post when I posted but the mother lives in WISCONSIN, not CA. She didn't say she could not afford to live there. She can't afford to pay college on her own. That was the gist of the OP's post. It is very hard for a single mom to make it after being in a marriage where the husband was the breadwinner and perhaps she does not have the education or resume for a better job, AND has the sole responsibility to raise the kids (father lives far away), cares for a sick parent, and so forth. She was unable to pay for college on her income alone. Dad has just as much responsibility here. These are his kids too. </p>
<p>How in the world you deducted that fathers get the shaft is beyond me. There are MANY fathers in divorce cases who pay NO child support. Um, the kids and mom get the shaft. And in the cases of the dads who DO pay child support, they SHOULD!!! These are their kids. They should support them as before. They are divorcing their wife, NOT the kids. Sorry, I don't feel dads overall get the shaft. They might in terms of TIME with the kids in some cases but believe me, there are lots of deadbeat dads in this country. </p>
<p>Also, $57/day for child care is not outrageous at all.</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>PS, while I am married, and of course I don't know what would be if I were divorced, I feel confident that while divorce would suck for LOTS of reasons, I would not fear in terms of my kids still being supported. I just think their dad would not give up on THEM.</p>