<p>I agree with the statement "you or your parents are paying thousands of dollars per year for you to LEARN something, not to date people". I think Vail hit the nail on the head on this one.</p>
<p>But the idea is that learning something and dating people are not mutually exclusive...</p>
<p>You should be mature enough in college to be able to maintain a relationship AND keep up with your academics.</p>
<p>And did you ever think that being in a serious (or even not-so-serious) relationship with someone could be a learning experience in and of itself?</p>
<p>all you need is love.</p>
<p>Focusing on dating is a waste of time, but you do need communication skills and other practical abilities to succeed. Having a good GPA doesn't count for much, if anything in the real world, especially since having a college degree nowadays is a formality. Besides, dating wouldn't be as fun when you're forty-five because I just wouldn't find it attractive.</p>
<p>""Well sir, my GPA wasn't too great, but I formed long lasting relationships with 3 different girlfriends throughout college that will be with me for the rest of my life...or until they change their AIM name."</p>
<p>"Sir, I'm proud to say that I graduated with a 3.5/3.9 overall/major GPA."</p>
<p>Which of these two people would you like to be come job interview day?"</p>
<p>Say you never make it to interview day. Your life would have sucked because your whole life would revolve around something that MIGHT have happened in the future. That's a sick way to live.</p>
<p>If you can manage your time wisely, you can do a lot.</p>
<p>You can't handle the 'ups and downs' of dating? Maybe you should have some more social interaction and get real, directly applicable experience on how to deal and communicate with people, essential skills for the workforce. </p>
<p>Grades should be taken seriously, but focusing on them as the end-all be-all and the only point of college (as well as four years of your life, potentially eight, thats 11 PERCENT of YOUR LIFE, man!) is a very narrow, as well as deeply sad and pathetic, view.</p>
<p>"Sir, I'm proud to say I have a 3.9 GPA"
Interviewer: That's quite impressive. Now, what would you say is your greatest weakness?
"Sir, I work too hard, hehe"
Interviewer: <em>fake grin</em> alright, where do you see yourself in 5 years? How do you go about managing problems? Describe yourself.
"Um, I don't know. Sir, I have good grades. I work hard and am really smart, sir" (Constant 'sir's revealing utter lack of confidence)</p>
<p>At the workplace, person #1 will probably be that guy in the corner guarding his work, probably getting into many egotistical arguments with coworkers, he's concerned with his own work only and hates when someone else contributes or doing team projects because they will somehow "ruin" it. He's finally fired because after getting into several escalating arguments with some a-hole at work, he tops it off by sexually harassing some female because he has no idea how females function or what they respond to.</p>
<p>He's also consantly concerned with how he looks on paper, rather than genuinely caring about the success of the project in itself, he's probably the guy who's finding ways to take credit and pass on blame (to bolster his paper reputation). Not to mention more antisocial, and never, ever takes risks.</p>
<p>He'll then probably then denounce the existence of God when he discovers that the guy who went to State U Grad school who's excellent work and natural charisma (this guy actually cares about others, is friendly, and helps others and not because it makes him look good) has surpassed him on the corporate ladder, when he went to Harvard Grad school for chrissake!</p>
<p>But in all honesty, if you really think a few additional B's will change the course of your life and your career, I'm sorry you're just not that bright.</p>
<p>Well said peter_parker!</p>
<p>So I suggest that ignoring dating and focusing on grades is a bad idea, and suddenly I'm advocating living in a hole in college for four years, only coming out to turn in your term papers and take exams.</p>
<p><em>Say you never make it to interview day. Your life would have sucked because your whole life would revolve around something that MIGHT have happened in the future. That's a sick way to live.</em></p>
<p>Say you never make it to interview day because you're so distraught over that special guy/girl that you can't focus, screw up several critical classes, and graudate with barely passing grades, if at all. Or, worse still, you thumb your nose at your parents wisdom, quit college, and decide that you want to spend the rest of your life with that 'special someone' you met in college. Too bad that after living together 6 months later, neither of you feels the same way again, and now you're in debt and not on speaking terms w/your parents anymore. Now THAT would suck.</p>
<p>peter_parker, most of your argument falls apart because in many college classes, in order to get those good grades, you NEED to work with others, and a failure to do so most likely won't give you those good grades in the first place. And many college classes rely on essays, which mean that you will need to figure out how the teacher works, so that you can play to their strengths/weaknesses and adjust your papers accordingly. </p>
<p><em>he tops it off by sexually harassing some female because he has no idea how females function or what they respond to.</em></p>
<p>Funny you should mention this, with the current state of affairs between women and men in this country (VAWA, family courts, the growing irrelevancy of paternity tests), its actually safer NOT to date if you don't want to be accused of 'date rape' and such. Remember, 'the victim is always right', and no matter what actually happened that night, if she says you raped her, then 9/10 times in the eyes of the law, you raped her. Failing that, if you do manage to prove your innocence, its only after you've spent big bucks and having your reputation and good name slandered beyond repair.</p>
<p>Apparently, when I suggest that dating isn't the end-all-be-all in life, several people on these boards take this the completely wrong way and think that I'm advocating a life in Superman's Fortress of Solitude.</p>
<p>Earlier, I recommened sacrificing dating for grades, and in your earlier post, you equated dating to "everything", just thought I'd point that out.</p>
<p>I find it sad that there is so much of an emphasis on dating among people at these colleges. Step back and take a look at your college, you register for classes online, you attend classes, you have to have a certain number of credits to graduate, you work in GROUP projects with OTHER people. The primary purpose of college is to learn, even if that means learning to work with other people, but you don't need dating to do that. If you can't learn how to work with other people without having to date them, then that's a sad worldview.</p>
<p>Wow... you people are hardcore! I haven't ever heard of people considering whether or not to get into a relationship based on the effect on their GPA and their GPAs effect on future career. Seriously... don't worry about it. </p>
<p>You just need to find someone with the same priorities. It makes studying alot more fun when you can do it with someone who cares about how you do. It's also nice if you are in the same major... really nice actually. This might sound bad but when I would scope out a guy I'd find out that he was some slacker liberal arts major and I'd be like, "No, he won't work. He doesn't understand the kind of time my major takes. When I tell him I can't go out because I have a soils project he just wouldn't get it." That has seriously gone through my head. My current significant other has the same priorities as I do and he understands that if I'm busy I don't want to go out to a party that night but I'd rather stay in and watch a movie or just chill after a long day of studying. We help eachother on papers and homework and quiz eachother on test material.</p>
<p>"Say you never make it to interview day because you're so distraught over that special guy/girl that you can't focus, screw up several critical classes, and graudate with barely passing grades, if at all. Or, worse still, you thumb your nose at your parents wisdom, quit college, and decide that you want to spend the rest of your life with that 'special someone' you met in college. Too bad that after living together 6 months later, neither of you feels the same way again, and now you're in debt and not on speaking terms w/your parents anymore. Now THAT would suck."</p>
<p>There's a difference between dating someone and being in a terrible relationship. But I guess you wouldn't know that.</p>
<p>err....y'all do not know how to deal with breaking up. This isn't freaking 1st grade. </p>
<p>Peter Parker--well said! WHOO</p>
<p>If you're already financially indedependent, that's a different story. But if your parents are paying for you, then it's irresponsible to make dating one of your priorities, rather than a side issue. Thinking about dating may not cut into your time, but it might cause you to daydream while doing work. No one would be saying they'd rather be dating if they didn't take going to college for granted. I agree that you shouldn't need to date to learn how to work with other people or use someone else as a crutch to feel good about yourself. If anything, it's usually the slackers and bad kids who get accused of sexual harassment. What's sad is that some people equate hooking up and partying with being successful or having meaningful relationships. Maybe college relationships are more fun, but that doesn't make them close. How many of those people are actually going to be there for you after college or during times of trouble?</p>
<p>The best thing that ever happened to me was a long-term relationship I got into freshman year of college. I ended up with a 3.9 GPA and a great job that I love, but I would've sacrificed both for the experience.</p>
<p>Don't be afraid to take risks. Life is big enough for love interests and responsibilities.</p>
<p>Having both is always nice. I just don't think I'd be willing to pursue personal desires at the expense of success in the real world or doing something more productive, because it just wouldn't feel right to be doing things for myself. There's my parents' contributions to consider and having the respect of others is also very important to me.</p>
<p>Come on guys. Do we really need to get this extreme? If you aren't in a relationship you are still not going to study 24/7. You'll probably spend some time hanging out with friends, go on facebook, play some computer games maybe, watch some tv. People need leisure time whether they like it or not. You can spend it on a relationship, or on other things.</p>
<p>Likewise, you're also not going to be around your boyfriend or girlfriend 24/7. It's a large time commitment but you will always have time for studying. The only people who don't study choose not to. Just about no one in college actually has no time to study.</p>
<p>So it really comes down to time management. Maybe I am willing to give up watching tv to pursue a relationship, and my girlfriend and I agree to not see each other too much. Or we study together (kill two birds with one stone). Or maybe my classes are too much, I have clubs, a job, friends I do things with, and I simply don't have the ability to juggle a relationship. So don't get into one. It depends on the person and the situation. There is no simple "yes dating as a freshman is fine" or "no dating as a freshman is not okay" answer.</p>
<p>um...what if your parents don't allow you to date?</p>
<p>My mom always tells me that I have time to worry about dating and marriage later on in life and I should focus on my education. (In my culture, if you're dating someone, it is expected of you to marry that person, unless there's something really wrong).</p>
<p>Once you're in college, your parents should have no say over whether or not you date. It's your call to make -- do you agree with your mother's / culture's values? If so, then make the decision not to date in college. But now that you're out on your own, you can decide to date if YOU want to.</p>
<p>um...if my parent's are paying my tuition, then I assume that they have say in it. Also, if I want to continue living in a house, then I should follow what my parents say. </p>
<p>If the family (extended) knows that you're 15 years old and dating (I'm 18 btw), then you and your parents will be ostracised for it. Also, you end up destroying the family's name. But if a boy was dating at 15, nobody would care. It's a double standard and it sucks, but what can I do??</p>
<p>Also, it's a personal choice. I've never had a boyfriend and I don't want one at this point in time. I want to focus on education, because if I'm sucessful in life, then I don't need a man to support me. I can support myself, and I would be content with that.</p>
<p>If you don't want a boyfriend, then don't date. Of course you shouldn't look for a boyfriend right now if you don't want one! But just don't close yourself off to the possibility... you can be successful in life and have a serious relationship at the same time, if that's what you want.</p>
<p>But as long as you're getting the grades your parents expect, then they shouldn't have any say in your personal life anymore. Obviously if your relationship were interfering with academics they could threaten to stop paying tuition... but if the time comes that you feel you're ready for a relationship, they should give you the chance to prove that you can handle the boy and the workload.</p>