Dating as a freshman

<p>Let me make myself clear. I DO feel that relationships are a very important part of peoples life, it helps them grow in many ways as a human. BUT, I DO feel that in college, having a bf or gf is the LAST thing that should be on your mind. The relationships I have had, had made me a lot better of a person and have allowed me to grow. And none of them ended messy, I just think College is very important, a lot more than a lot of people take it for. I just feel that relationships are for high school and and after college.</p>

<p>If you really feel strong about a person though, by all means go for it. But I do think that being in a relationship is waaaaaaaaaay to high on some peoples list of importance while in school.</p>

<p>And I feel this goes both ways, for boys and girls. Guys I have found, are in general cheating *******s, and I'm a guy myself. Ex. In my school, all the girls swoon over their boyfriends, but little do they know that every guy in my school that I know cheats on his girlfriend, (except 1) on a REGULAR basis, its frickin ridiculous. I kind of feel sorry for the girls but on the other hand I feel how stupid can you be not to see. Especially when girls give things up like going to a local community college and rejecting your acceptance to UMich, just to stay with a boyfriend that has been having threesomes with your bestfriends behind your back and everyone knows it except you.(A Situation in my school.) This is only worse in college. As you are totally free. A lot of you girls that think your boyfriend LOVES YOU SO MUCH, think again. Their is only about a 5-10% chance that he isn't cheating on you, and that depends on how he grew up along with some other factors. But if he already has a girlfriend, then he is liberal enough to cheat on you. If a girl comes out butt naked, sadly the only people in the world that I have been able to see resist this is my brothers best friend.</p>

<p>I feel that when you get older while cheating is still rampant. People in general know a lot more about what they want. And relationships are alot more meaningful than when you werre in college, when the general consensus among guys and sometimes but A LOT less than women is get sex from whoever and whenever you can.</p>

<p>Do you really think that you should risk anything for people like this, ESPECIALLY during one of your most important times of your life. Or should you wait till you already have a job and then have a relationship where it will have a lot less significant impact on your future</p>

<p>^Just my thoughts.</p>

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And I feel this goes both ways, for boys and girls. Guys I have found, are in general cheating *******s, and I'm a guy myself.

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<p>Statistically speaking, there is no significant difference between men and women cheating. Your sample is likely flawed.</p>

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Their is only about a 5-10% chance that he isn't cheating on you, and that depends on how he grew up along with some other factors.

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<p>What is this conclusion based on?</p>

<p>Kenshinsan,</p>

<p>First off, you're assuming that GPA really matters that much. Depending on what you want, it won't matter much at all. Secondly, you're basing this entire argument on anecdotal (and inaccurate) evidence.</p>

<p>Maybe it's just your friends?</p>

<p>I will never date someone who is at the same level as me (freshman dating a freshman) because I know a lot of guys who are going in the wrong direction in their lives. I want a guy who is older and has a good job (so I won't be the one supporting him) and has the same values and beliefs as me.</p>

<p>So dating someone who is in college is out of the question. My future soulmate should have a job that is just as good as mine and isn't going down the wrong path (i.e. having billions of past girlfriends, having sex with a billion girls, having a bad reputation in college for binge drinking)</p>

<p>So until then, I'm going to focus on my education because if I'm sucessful, I don't need a man to support me. I can take care of myself.</p>

<p>I don't have much more to say except that I am shocked by so many of these replies... wow.</p>

<p>smurfgirl, you got exactly what i was trying to capture.</p>

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I mean, let's think for a second: Suppose you get your total dream job. You are making over $100,000/year. You drive a Jag, you live in a gated neighborhood in the northeast or outside of LA. You've got it all, except a family. You're going to go home to an empty mansion every night....

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<p>Okay, if you want to play 'list the worse case scenario game', I'll join:</p>

<p>Suppose you get into a relationship while you're at college, sacrificing your GPA because you've found "that special one" and you just know that the relationship will work out. You graduate with a GPA that's not as good as what you could've gotten had you saved the dating for later, not as many classes that you could've taken, and you go off and get married. Anyway, things don't work out, you get divorced, and your partner gets the kid, the house, the cars, half or more of your checking/savings accounts, and you're stuck paying 'child support' every month even though your ex-wife/husband has already found another person who is making way more money than you are. </p>

<p>Now wouldn't you wish that you had actually showed some maturity and self restraint and got what you needed to get done in college, and saved the rest for after graduation?</p>

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My future soulmate should have a job that is just as good as mine and isn't going down the wrong path (i.e. having billions of past girlfriends, having sex with a billion girls, having a bad reputation in college for binge drinking)

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<p>Agreed. Although I've given up on the whole idea of marriage for the moment (the laws are there to punish men for trying to get married), should those laws and/or society ever change to the point where its actually worth it to get married, I would not see myself being with someone who hasn't kept them selves pure (like I have). Check your baggage on the plane, not in a relationship (or something catchy like that...).</p>

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I don't think you understand... life is not all about getting a job.

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<p>I understand that completely, next time, please read my entire post. I will quote myself (yet) again...</p>

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BP-TheGuy88, have you thought about the fact that not everybody has to get into a romantic relationship while at college? I recommending getting friends (of either gender) that you can trust and rely on, bringing "romance" into a relationship only turns it unstable and adds a lot of extra, unnecessary stress, hence all the "breaking up" that goes on around anywhere.

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<p>Furthermore, in some of my other posts on these same forums, I've listed that a positive to commuting is the fact that you're able to keep better relationships with your immediate family members.</p>

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A high-paid employee with nothing in his life besides his work or a middle class employee with a spouse and family... I'd rather be the second.

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<p>Sheesh, what's with people on these boards? So I advocate not dating while in college, and suddenly I'm advocating "nothing in his life besides his work"? I'm a Christian and I believe in God, so there will always be Someone else in my life I can turn to, workaholism isn't for me, and I wouldn't wish that upon someone I hated.</p>

<p>And given the fact that the divorce rate used to be 50% a while back (it's only gone up, most likely), marriage is literally a toss up, are you feeling "lucky"?</p>

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Also, who says that the reason they ask that question is because married men are pushovers? I might think it is because married men are more stable/dependable, for example. Or just to see if the candidate can handle personal questions in a professional way.

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<p>The question should be (and probably is) illegal. Furthermore, if the stats hold true, then half of those "stable/dependable" married men eventually get divorced and at that point, it probably would've been better off if they hadn't gotten married in the first place?</p>

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Let me make myself clear. I DO feel that relationships are a very important part of peoples life, it helps them grow in many ways as a human. BUT, I DO feel that in college, having a bf or gf is the LAST thing that should be on your mind. The relationships I have had, had made me a lot better of a person and have allowed me to grow. And none of them ended messy, I just think College is very important, a lot more than a lot of people take it for. I just feel that relationships are for high school and and after college.

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<p>You said it kenshinsan! (And BTW, I liked what you did to Enishi at the beginning of volume 28, Dragon's Howl? How awesome!) Although I disagree with your statement that dating is for high school (after all, you gotta have good grades to get into college, right?), the rest of your post makes so much sense, that I see exactly what you're talking about, so I'm not going to quibble over details. </p>

<p>Right, 'good friends that you can depend on, not fickle relationships', this'll be my third time saying it in one topic! </p>

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And I feel this goes both ways, for boys and girls. Guys I have found, are in general cheating *******s, and I'm a guy myself.

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<p>Yeah, this goes both ways though, remember that society and our courts are set up to reward women who cheat in marriage, yet punish men who do the same. When a man cheats its, "How wrong" (which it is, I'm not denying that), but when a woman cheats its "Well, he must not have been a good husband. It was her fault that she had to look somewhere else." (this may not be necessarily true).</p>

<p>Kenshinsan-</p>

<p>The thing is, I'm scared to be a doctor because I don't know if the guy will love me for who I am, or love me because I make $$$. That's why I want a guy who is older and is financially stable. I don't want to date a loser who is the same age as me (and doesn't have a good job, still runs to his parents for everything, and has had a billion girlfriends) if I can date an older guy (not like 80 years old, I mean about a 10 year difference) who has a good job and doesn't have a bad reputation. </p>

<p>If I can remain innocent throughout college which I've done so far, I deserve a guy who is not known to randomly hook up with girls, party excessively, and values education highly. I want a good guy, not a trashy guy. </p>

<p>I haven't found that man yet, so until then, I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I am single, but work hard and get an education. Sometimes in order to want something, you have to not look for it.</p>

<p>^^
Don't worry with an attitude and personality like that you're bound to get a guy your age, PLUS has all the qualities that you want. Good things come to good people.</p>

<p>Why do people keep posting replies that make it sound like having a realtionship and being independant and/or having a good GPA are mutually exclusive? I don't get it...</p>

<p>smurfgirl i'm not sure i understand part of what you're saying.</p>

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The thing is, I'm scared to be a doctor because I don't know if the guy will love me for who I am, or love me because I make $$$. That's why I want a guy who is older and is financially stable. I don't want to date a loser who is the same age as me (and doesn't have a good job, still runs to his parents for everything, and has had a billion girlfriends) if I can date an older guy (not like 80 years old, I mean about a 10 year difference) who has a good job and doesn't have a bad reputation.</p>

<p>If I can remain innocent throughout college which I've done so far, I deserve a guy who is not known to randomly hook up with girls, party excessively, and values education highly. I want a good guy, not a trashy guy.

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Assuming I'm reading this correctly, you want a guy who is about 10 years older than you but that has not had a billion girlfriends or is pure? I'm going to assume you're looking for a devout religious person (who somehow managed to stay out of relationships for 30 years) or a miracle. The chances of finding someone who is 30 and hasn't dated a bunch of girls is much greater than that of someone who is your age. It's just seems logical to me. I get the impression you feel the guys at your school are 'players' and don't want serious relationships but I'd take a look around because not every guy is the same. Generalizing the way you are isn't good.</p>

<p>^ I meant billion girlfriends in terms of dating just for fun.</p>

<p>If a guy has had some girlfriends and it was a serious relationship (meaning that they are dating because he/she is a potential spouse) then that's understandable.</p>

<p>Neither GPA nor dating is going to count that much towards finding a job, so why make this a GPA vs. dating thing. Employers care more about your work experience and practical skills like communication because there are plenty of people who have good GPAs and are completely inept in the real world. Even the top colleges, which are part of the academic world, look down on people who only do well on exams.</p>

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Suppose you get into a relationship while you're at college, sacrificing your GPA because you've found "that special one" and you just know that the relationship will work out. You graduate with a GPA that's not as good as what you could've gotten had you saved the dating for later, not as many classes that you could've taken, and you go off and get married. Anyway, things don't work out, you get divorced, and your partner gets the kid, the house, the cars, half or more of your checking/savings accounts, and you're stuck paying 'child support' every month even though your ex-wife/husband has already found another person who is making way more money than you are.

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<p>Except that...well...your GPA doesn't really matter.</p>

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Except that...well...your GPA doesn't really matter.

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<p>Uh, what exactly are you trying to say? When whoeveritwas talked about the dream Jag, good job, and lonely mansion at night, they must have been insinuating that the person stayed focused on their studies (i.e.: their GPA), and didn't go out and have lots of boyfriends/girlfriends while in college, hence, their miserable life. </p>

<p>I was just showing that it could work both ways, it seems that you believe that "GPA doesn't really matter" towards your future, well, I'd certainly propose that having a boyfriend/girlfriend in college matters a lot less.</p>

<p>Vail,</p>

<p>The value of either one is only as much as you want to place on it. For example, if you want to remain single for the rest of your life-- and this is a reasonable desire-- then dating is meaningless. If you don't plan on going to anything but undergrad, then the GPA is fairly meaningless.</p>

<p>Even if you plan on going to grad school, there are tons of ways to make up for a "deficient" GPA. Past a certain point, the marginal returns on a higher GPA is pretty meaningless. A 3.8 isn't going to get you anything a 3.6 can't. </p>

<p>All I'm saying is that after you're done with school, you'll remember your friends, classmates, and professors. You will not remember your grades in specific classes. Your GPA will NOT get you jobs. It will NOT get you into grad school. Sure, a truly dismal GPA (less than 3.0) can hurt you, but past a 3.3 or so, and you can do anything you want.</p>

<p>If I were hiring undergrads today, I'd almost never hire someone with a 3.9 or 4.0. Odds are, they don't have much to offer past being able to take proctored exams.</p>

<p>"All I'm saying is that after you're done with school, you'll remember your friends, classmates, and professors."</p>

<p>Given that I forget almost everything about middle school at age 21, its fair to say that I'll probably forget everything about college by the time I'm 30. Sure, GPA isn't the end-all in life; but neither are 'memories' that are just going to fade away after half a decade, anyway.</p>

<p>ThinMan,</p>

<p>Actually, memories from later in life tend to be more concrete based on how the brain works. You'll probably remember more from college than you remember from middle school just because that's how it works.</p>

<p>But my point is that the ability to socialize well and network that you'll learn in school will benefit you much more than 2 tenths on your GPA.</p>

<p>Dude I'm coming back for my floor reunions for as long as I can afford to come up. To hell with forgetting college, I've made very good friends here, had some girlfriends, had a lot of fun. I'm not going to forget that by the time I'm 30. Hell, I'm friends with people who are 30 and who lived in my dorm when they were in college.</p>

<p>So to each their own, but Vail, lighten up. Just because you can't be bothered by college life doesn't mean people who do are less of a student than you. They just feel the monetary investment isn't only so they can go from their room, to class, and back to their room to study, and then sleep.</p>

<p>let's file for irreconciliable differences</p>

<p>i don't see how this thread is ever going to end!</p>

<p>"Actually, memories from later in life tend to be more concrete based on how the brain works. You'll probably remember more from college than you remember from middle school just because that's how it works."</p>

<p>I hope you're right, but I'm not holding my breath.</p>

<p>"But my point is that the ability to socialize well and network that you'll learn in school will benefit you much more than 2 tenths on your GPA."</p>

<p>Out of all my friends who do not go to college, most are far better at 'socializing and networking' than those who do go to college. Given my experience, I seriously doubt that college is necessary to cultivate these skills.</p>

<p>I'm not trying to say that Vail's advice is right for everyone, but we shouldn't be harassing him just because he thinks getting into a good grad school is more important than a rich social life.</p>